Isabel and John: Two Paths into Judaism

Judaism is not a missionary faith, so Rabbis doesn’t try to convert non-Jewish people (in many countries anti-Jewish laws prohibited converting to Judaism for centuries). Despite this, the modern Jewish community increasingly welcomes converts. A person who converts to Judaism becomes a Jew, and is just as Jewish as someone born into Judaism. There are two major paths into Judaism.

Isabel Schenkel is a good example of a convert who was drawn to Judaism from childhood. She writes: ‘I was born in Scotland. I don’t think my parents knew any Jews at all. My family immigrated to Los Angeles when I was four. My best friend was a little girl who was Jewish. My parents had a liberal attitude about religion so when I was eight and Susie went to Temple Akiba’s religious school I went along too. In fact, my parents became very interested in learning about the Jewish religion and took the “Introduction to Judaism” class at Wilshire Boulevard Temple.

When I was a teen I also became very close to a family I babysat for, and I was invited to celebrate Shabbat, Passover, and Hanukkah with their family. I always had a good time and felt good when I went home.”

According to Kabbalah, only the souls of self conscious moral creatures like human beings reincarnate; and they reincarnate only when they have not fulfilled the purpose of their creation in their current lifetime. These esoteric Kabbalistic concepts from the 12th to 17th centuries; were popularized and spread throughout Eastern Europe, especially in Poland and Ukraine, by the Hassidic movement in the last half of the 18th and 19th century.

Since Judaism is an optimistic religion, most Kabbalists teach that most people can accomplish their life’s purpose in one or two lifetimes. A few souls may take 3-5 lifetimes or more. The bright souls of great religious figures like Prophets Abraham, Moses, Sarah and Miriam can turn into dozens of individual sparks that can reincarnate several times over many centuries.

The tragic souls of Jews whose children have been cut off from the Jewish people, either through persecution or forced conversion to another religion, will reincarnate as one of their own, no longer Jewish, descendants. These non-Jewish descendant souls will then seek to return to the Jewish people. Isabel is a good example of a convert who has quickly felt emotionally drawn to Judaism, probably with a Jewish ancestor.

John Choate describes his long journey into Judaism as ‘From Nothing to Something’ saying: ‘My name is John Edward Choate (Yochanan ben Avraham v’Sarah) I am a 4th generation, Los Angeles born son. I was not raised in a particularly religious environment. My primary religious exposure was through the Episcopalian and Catholic schools I attended from elementary school through college.

It was during my study abroad during my college years that I felt the impact of the Holocaust. I was studying in Rome, primarily Renaissance and Baroque Art, and Italian language. Until then my knowledge was limited to reading “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl and “The Source” by James Michener. I did go to Dachau, witnessed first hand the signage of “Arbeit Macht Frei” on the gates, the wooden bunks, and the sickening crematoriums.

Then I met Teri Lafferman (Avigail) through a close friend of mine. She was from Culver City and had recently returned after living with relatives in Baltimore for a while. We got along well and dated for a couple years. She let me know early on that she was Jewish and I thought of my
Grandfather’s close friend who was Jewish.

Teri invited me to come to her home and meet her parents and brother to celebrate the holiday of Passover. She said I would enjoy it so I went. I just sat and watched. I am sure I was asked to read something here and there out of a little children’s’ book. The evening was memorable and I have celebrated Passover every year since.

We got engaged! How wonderful…an engagement ring, congratulations, the planning, the dress, the…. Rabbi? Wait… what… the Rabbi? And I need to take some Jewish classes in order for him to marry us? Ok, honey, I love you so classes it is! And so we took a class for about 4-5 months with Rabbi Maller of Temple Akiba in Culver City. I learned more about the holidays, Shabbat, and other life events.

By now I understand that we are practicing Reform Judaism, that Teri’s family is Ashkenazi from Romania/Russia, not Sephardic or Mizrahi. That we were not planning to keep Kosher, but maybe I should stop eating pork. I even wrote a Ketubah agreement that was artistically painted by her cousin and read under the chuppah at our wedding on August 2, 1987.

I had committed to a Jewish home, raising a Jewish family, and living according to customs and traditions. I had not considered a Jewish conversion at this time, and just as well, for I could not have really understood how Judaism could impact in my life without living it.

Teri and I occasionally did Shabbat at home, attended some synagogue services, and every year heard the shofar at Rosh Hashanah and Kol Nidre at Yom Kippur with her mother and father. We continued to celebrate the other holidays only now with extended family. At this time of my life, I recognized the value of Judaism, I had taken the step forward for somebody, but I had not connected that I was doing it for me.

Getting married was the entry to a lot of change and not only for us. We were in an interfaith marriage and there was conflict to be resolved. While it was easy for me to accept and adopt the Jewish influence in my life, it was not so easy for my family. There were uncomfortable moments between our families, insensitivities to values, inappropriate or not well articulated comments that could border on prejudice. So, getting both families together in these early years was hard.

It was several years before the joys of parenthood came to our family. On August 18, 1991 our first son, Evan Alexander (Avraham) was born. Our families came together over this and everyone was so happy. The Bris would be the first Jewish event other than our wedding for my family. Teri found the eccentric Mohel, R’ Leborvics. We also had a naming service at the Temple Akiba Sanctuary and we had trees planted in Israel.

Thus began the challenge of Christmas and the over-importance my Mother and Grandmother would put on this holiday. We would celebrate at my Mother’s home but we were not celebrating it with a Christmas tree in our home, nor were we indulging in Santa Clause. That was hard for my family to swallow as it took away some expected joy. I held firm as possible, because I had promised to, but it became a yearly event of guilt and pressure and expectation. It was very difficult for me to balance. And it wasn’t easy for Teri as I didn’t always handle it well.

Then Evan became ready for pre-school and we enrolled him at Temple Soleil in Woodland Hills. Now we are meeting people from the synagogue and making new friends. New learning – a Chavurah. We were a group of young families and we spent time together on Shabbat, after school, birthdays, and other events. These are the friends that remain close to us to this day.

Evan went on to Kindergarten at Heschel West, a new Jewish Day school in our area just staring out. It is so new that we had to go to the church to take down the Christian emblems and replace with the Jewish ones and then switch them back again! And our second son, Ian Austin (Aaron) was born July 2, 1996, and the Bris and Baby Naming, with another memorable Mohel, naturally followed. He is beautiful and our family was now all set. There are 4 of us.

Now I was learning more. Oh, it’s Sukkot and the kids at Heschel have a palm hut they are playing in with some lemons and palm fronds. There is a carnival and Evan is dressing up in costume for Purim and Teri is buying poppy-seed hamantaschen. There is a guitar player at the school who sings songs about Israel and certain prayers. Evan starts getting Judaic Studies homework and I help him and read it.

Now I was surrounded by Judaism. Not just observant and practicing Jews, but also many from Israel. There were dramatic, cultural differences that I recognized. Often, I felt a bit like an outsider, after all, I was only 6-7years into this.

Ian was getting older and he, too, goes to Temple Soleil and Heschel. I get to share this experience once again. We continue with our chavurah only now I am comfortable in saying the Shabbat prayers. I recognize how the services work and I know some of those prayers, too.

I found that what I was asking for my children was exactly what I wanted. My personal experience was now allowing me to identify with Judaism and feel more a part of it.

As the children grew it came time for Evan and Ian’s Bar Mitzvah. It was such an awesome feeling to watch them read directly from the Torah. How proud we were. It was my first time getting called for an Aliya and saying the Barchu. My experience was the importance of keeping the focus on our children and keeping the celebration fun but within our means. The Bar Mitzvah circuit and participation in the joy of others’ ceremony taught me the importance being genuinely happy for others.

The thin line of my Jewish life now began to thicken and, over time, my identification became hardened. The Jewish side of my life is recognized by friends and, while to me it sounds crazy,they say I am more Jewish than them. Now, with many years of shared experience, I feel more a part-of the community not outside it.

My grandmother and father are gone now, only my mother, uncle, and a couple cousins remain in my life from my side of the family. Their understanding of my life choice, my wife, their expectations and my reactions to them have matured with time, too. There is a much calmer acceptance and this has helped create better harmony amongst us.

What I identify most is that Judaism is a call to action to understand my purpose in the world, to help others, and to strive to make my life a blessing. I take with me the lessons of the Shoah, and recognize my responsibility in speaking out for those who cannot.

I have an understanding of God that is defined enough to help me feel His presence. I believe in a vital life force from which all existence has resulted is God. I cannot set out to explain how or why God exists, I only know that His presence is around us always. I believe that I have been given the free-will to choose any path or approach based on what I think is right or wrong, and it is up to me to strive to do it in a way that aligns my thoughts and actions to what God would have me be

My favorite Jewish concept is Tikkun Olam, that through acts of kindness, courage, humility, and thoughts of others then we can seek to repair the world. If I can accept and act on this responsibility then I may find a path to a better quality of life and perhaps push the boundary of world healing one tiny bit. I discovered that, to do this, I need to demonstrate spiritual progress which is another reason I am now completing my conversion to Judaism.

As I have described in my journey, it is clear I have been talking the talk but now it is time to do the walk. I want family to recognize I value this and this was not just part of life’s formalities or something I pushed to my children because it would be good for them. This process is milestone
in helping to explain that I think it is important. I hope it will always connects us together as family and continues to bring us together for our next family generation.”

I would add that both paths take a person into the Jewish People. If you know any non-Jews who seem very Jewish in their thinking they might have an ancestor who was Jewish. If nobody in their family seems to know, share with them this introspective personality and character test to help find some hints.

1- Do you like to ask questions especially about religion? But when you asked them as a child, you were told faith is a gift from God and you shouldn’t question it. This never satisfied you, although others didn’t question it.

2- The trinity never made any sense to you even as a young child. You prayed to God the father more easily than Jesus, the son of God, even though you were told to pray to Jesus. You never could believe that people who didn’t believe in Jesus couldn’t go to Heaven.

3- On first learning of the Holocaust you reacted more emotionally than your friends or other members of your family. You feel some sense of connection with the Jewish struggle to defend Israel.

4- You have an attraction to Jewish people, or to Judaism and Jewish culture. You have always been more  open to people who were culturally, nationally or religiously different from your own family, than your friends or class mates.

If you answer yes to three of these four items you probably have Jewish ancestors. Many, but not all, people who answer yes to all four items will be interested in learning more about their Jewish roots. If you become very interested in studying Judaism you might have a Jewish soul.

If the following item also applies to you, you certainly have a Jewish soul.

5- When you start to learn about Judaism: the ideas and values seem reasonable to you; the traditions and heritage are very attractive to you; and the non-Jews around you as well as you yourself, are surprised that you slowly come to feel that you are coming home.