Israel Occupies Moon!

Israeli spacecraft lands on Moon, Illegal settlement being built on Sea of Serenity, Widespread condemnation, UN General Assembly to meet in Emergency Special Session
Beresheet “selfie” with the Earth at a distance of 265,000 kilometers above the planet’s surface. An Israeli flag can be seen on a plaque with the inscription, “Am Israel Hai,” or “The Jewish People Live,” and in English, “Small country, big dreams.” (courtesy Beresheet)

Washington — Six weeks after Israel’s robotic lander, Beresheet, which means Genesis, was launched from Cape Canaveral, FL, via the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket, the spacecraft, developed and built by SpaceIL and Israel Aerospace Industries, landed on the Moon’s surface in an area known as Mare Serenitatis (The Sea of Serenity).

Condemnation, by world leaders and others of note, was swift.

United Nations Secretary General António Guterres asked UN member nations to place the 473 pending resolutions against Israel on hold as he scheduled a General Assembly Emergency Special Session. “Israeli settlements anywhere are illegal,” said the Secretary General, “and Jerusalem must become the capital of Palestine. Unless the Palestinian people want their capital on the Moon. Then that must become the capital. Unless they want both. Then both must become the capitals.”

UNESCO (the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization) said it would immediately recognize the Moon as a Palestine World Heritage Site.

Jeremy Corbyn, British Labour Party leader, told the BBC, “As I told my Hamas friends last week, I have had a long and proud history of being against anti-Semitism. Now, I am not against Jews living on the Moon, just not Jewish people living on the Moon. Or anywhere, frankly. But I do not mean the Jews. They can live wherever they want. As long as they are not Jewish.”

Saeb Erekat, chief Palestinian Authority negotiator, told the television show, Democracy Now!, “Israel knows no bounds. This Israeli aggression is a violation of interplanetary law. It is not enough the colonialists, with Trump’s support, continue their unprovoked oppression in the West Bank and Gaza, but now this? Why does Israel keep taking land? For what? This is worse than the darkest hours of South African apartheid.”

Speaking at his flagship mosque in Chicago, Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan told the assembled, “The Satanic Jews are evil, the Ashkenazi ones, the Sephardi ones, those in the cosmos. Now they will call me anti-Semitic. They’ll say Farrakhan was up to his old canards about the Jews. But we don’t need termites in outer space, my brothers and my sisters. There are already too many here. I say no to a Synagogue of Satan on the Moon.”

Appearing on a panel at the Nar Ishkeit Poets and Baristas bookstore in Berkeley, CA, Congresswoman lhan Omar (D, MN) said, “After hypnotizing the world, Israel is now hypnotizing outer space. This is what happens when lobbyists like AIPAC, the NRA, Coca-Cola, Amazon, the National Association of Realtors, the Bearded Penguin Protection Society, and the Cholent Cookers of America buy politicians. It’s all about the Binyamins, baby.”

[On a side note, all Republican, and five Democratic, members of the United States Senate and House of Representatives, immediately condemned Omar’s latest anti-Semitic trope. Acting rapidly, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (D, CA), said she would introduce a congressional resolution condemning the international fur trade.]

United States Senator Bernie Sanders, campaigning in Iowa as he runs for president, told CNN, that, “Israel had already killed over 100,000 innocent, non-violent lunar protestors, and injured 12 million more with its disproportionate lunar landing. I am 100% pro-Israel, but as usual, Israel overreacted.”

About 20 members of the Jewish Group IfNotNow protested in front of the Israeli embassy in Washington, DC. After solemnly listing the names of the Moon’s major basaltic plains, beginning with the Sea of Serenity, the group stood in a circle, held hands, and reading from Hebrew-transliterated prayer cards, chanted the Mourner’s Kaddish (the Jewish Prayer for the Dead) to the tune of “Kumbaya, my Lord.” Several protesters wore Yarmulkes (Jewish skull caps) for the first time ever in their lives, to display their deep bond to the Jewish faith.

Touring Latin America, 75-year old, Pink Floyd rocker and BDS (Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions) movement proponent, Roger Waters, tweeted the following statement: “To brave Lunar citizens suffering under the choking yoke of ISRAEL’S SUPREMICIST RACIST REGIME, I see the NAZI-LIKE ACTS MADE BY ISRAELI MURDERERS. I see the SETTLERS BURNING YOUR MOON-BABIES. Stay strong!”

Waters called for other artists and celebrities to boycott Israel, and those who canceled tours or other events out of protest included: Stevie Wonder, Richard Gere, Peter Gabriel, Peter Rabbit, Lorde, Elvis Costello, Elvis Presley, Annie Lennox, Annie Oakley, Pablo Picasso, Pablo Escobar, and Barney Rubble.

President Donald Trump defended Israel’s actions.

Trump tweeted the following:

“Israel is to be congradulated [sic] for its moon landing! It was a great landing but it was not as great as my own moon landing! Now THAT was A MOON LANDING! And I met so many nice peeple [sic] there. They LOVE TRUMP! MMGA! Make the Moon Great Again! And there was no collusion!”

“I pulled out of the Iran deal, because of that Israel got to the Moon! I have a good relationship with Kim Jong-un. It’s up to the Atterny [sic] General, but the Dems will never be satisfied. It was A HOAX! Israel is OIR [sic] GREAT FRIEND! THERE WAS NO COLLUSION!”

Israeli government officials were unavailable for comment.

(Look, I know, sadly, the landing didn’t go as planned, but Beresheet got there, which is still a tremendous achievement. Kol Hakavod!)

About the Author
Shia Altman who hails from Baltimore, MD, now lives in Los Angeles. His Jewish studies, aerospace, and business and marketing background includes a BA from the University of Maryland and an MBA from the University of Baltimore. When not dabbling in Internet Marketing, Shia tutors Bar and Bat Mitzvah, and Judaic and Biblical Studies to both young and old.
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