Israel Revokes Terrorist’s Ice Cream Rights

An Israeli Prison. Now Ice Cream Free. Photo Credit: Wikimedia

In a controversial bill that just narrowly passed in a Knesset debate on Tuesday, incarcerated terrorists will now be denied all ice cream and other desserts normally available to prisoners.

Kneset member Yisrael Oilyhav of the Chalash party strongly praised the bill. “This law will serve as an important deterrent to future terrorists,” he said at a press conference on Wednesday. “It is time that the Palestinians learned that Jewish blood is not ketchup.”

The bill, however, has received strong condemnation from other political parties. “This is extremely unethical,” said MK Lippy Tzivon of Noshan. “What about the two Jewish terrorists in prison? This law clearly discriminates against Palestinian terrorists, for the inconsequential reason that there are thousands more of them. Plus, it’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

Palestinian rights group B’tzelem condemned the move as well. In a large protest represented by five of the organization’s members, spokesperson Miri Zahorovitz-Schwartz told the 24 journalists present that “we strongly condemn this barbaric new law. Just as you and I are entitled to eat ice cream, there is no reason that Palestinian terrorists should be treated any differently. Ice cream is a basic human right, and I would like to remind you that terrorists have feelings too.”

The new law is just one in a series designed to deter potential terrorists – inspired by a series of recent attacks against Jews throughout Israel, and especially in Jerusalem. These moves include destroying the houses of terrorists who do something really bad, not paying stipends to parents whose children throw rocks, and not paying for the PhD’s of political prisoners.

“We know this new law isn’t going to completely solve the terror problem,” acknowledged lawmaker Itzik Deshovsky of Achora. “But banning Ice Cream and other sweet deserts still sends an important message that Israel is not a country to be trifled with,” he adds, sniggering. “Get it? Trifle?”