It happens here, too
On an Instagram post by a Jewish community account regarding the recent case of Jane Doe — a Cornell sophomore who was allegedly drugged and raped by seven fraternity brothers — I read a comment that struck me. Wouldn’t have happened at YU, it said, or something along those lines.
I have news for the commenter: It does happen at YU. It happened to me, and it happened to friends of mine. And YU handled it no better than Cornell did.
Re-litigating the specifics, ten years later, would be a pointless exercise. What I think is a far more important point is the level of denial still prevalent in the Jewish community: our institutions are not immune from abuse, corruption, or coverup.
There are organizations trying to fight this from different angles. Zaakah supports survivors in pursuing justice, spreads awareness of cases that concern the Jewish community, and advocates for legislative reform to abuse laws. Rahel Bayar of The Bayar Group provides balanced, informative trainings to schools, camps, and synagogues — these sessions are customized to the institutions in question and sensitive to cultural norms in our communities. Amudim and Ray of Hope seek specifically to support survivors in processing trauma. All of these groups have been criticized — for doing too much or not doing enough or just not doing it right. I’m not here to do that.
I work for a shul. I’m not a nihilist; our communal institutions do deeply impactful work and I don’t want to see them disbanded or destroyed. But I am still arguing with people to even get to the first step: recognizing it does happen.
It happens in our schools and our shuls and our camps and our workplaces.
Even to “good kids.” Even to the people who observe the laws of yichud and shomer negiah. It happens within families and between classmates and at the hands of counselors and teachers and rabbis.
In my life, I have identified with Yeshivish, Modern Orthodox, and pluralistic Jewish communities. I have learned of terrible incidents in every space I have been a part of. And worse than the violence at the hands of a few is the consistency of the institutional commitment to silence. That doesn’t mean we need to destroy our institutions — but it does mean we, like all other groups of people of all other backgrounds, have a problem in our midst.
There is a reckoning happening right now. And it’s time for us to reckon with the rest of the world.
If we don’t, some of our people will continue to hurt the most vulnerable members of our communities.
If we don’t, some of our institutions will continue to protect the people who hurt those most at risk.
According to the CDC, “at least one in four girls and one in 20 boys in the United States experience child sexual abuse.” At least one in four women and one in 14 men experience unwanted sexual violence while attending a four-year university, according to RAINN.
This is happening. It’s happening in our institutions and by our people. It happened to me.
We cannot wash our hands of it.
