Jewish Valentine: Holy Matrimony and Spiritual Sexuality

Kiddushin-holy matrimony for Jews, is a reenactment by two individuals of the holy covenant first entered into by God and Israel at Sinai when God and Israel first chose each other. God chose Israel saying, “You shall be a special treasure for me,,, a kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Exodus 19:4-5). Then Israel chose God by answering, “All that the Lord has spoken we will do” (Exodus 19:8).

Rabbi Israel, the Baal Shem Tov (1700-1760), the founder of the Hassidic movement, said after his wife died, “I thought I could rise to heaven in a whirlwind like Elijah, but now that I am only half a body this is no longer possible.”

When Rabbi Hirsh returned from his wife’s funeral he was overheard saying to himself, “Up to now I was able to experience God’s presence here on earth through marriage. Now I shall have to experience God’s presence directly.” Two weeks later he died.

How did the Baal Shem Tov and Rabbi Hirsh experience God’s presence through marriage? The Jewish mystics taught that the Shekinah- ‘the female presence of God’ rests upon a husband when he makes love to his wife with a sense of reverence, tenderness, adoration and love. The Shabbat adds holiness and chosenness to these feelings.

The key attitude is a sense of wonder and gratefulness that your wife is God’s gift, the chosen source of your blessings, and the most wonderful manifestation of God’s presence as the Bible says, “Who can find a capable wife? Her value is far above jewels. Her husband can trust her completely.” (Proverbs 31:10)

Rabbi Levi Yitzkhak says, “There are two types of marital sex. One type is physical sex as gratification of the husband’s passion, which means that he does not love his wife at all, but loves only himself. The other type is loving his wife because she is the way by which he fulfills the commands of God, this is true love.”

Torah is the Ketubah-marriage contract, between two covenanted partners. Mitsvot-good deeds are their daily loving interactions. Torah Study and worship are the pillow talk between God and Israel. Tikunim: Kabbalistic mystical exercises, meditations and sexuality, are the intimacies of married life.

Most Jews know that sexual activities between a husband and wife are a Mitsvah. Many Jews know that lovemaking on Shabbat is a double Mitsvah. Some Jews know that the Kabbalah (the Jewish mystical tradition) teaches that the Shekinah (the feminine presence of God) rests on a Jewish man when he makes love to his Jewish wife on Shabbat.

Very few Jews know that the holy Kabbalist, Rabbi Isaac Luria, developed several Tikunim to enable spiritually aware Jewish couples to repair fractured hopes and intentions in those around them, to elevate broken spirits both near and far, and to re-energize efforts to make life holy through a couple’s own lovemaking at night. These Tikunim are among those referred to as Tikunay Hatzot-mid night spiritual exercises.

Every Jewish wife partakes of some aspects of Leah and some aspects of Rachel. Like Leah, every woman is potentially very fruitful, both emotionally and physically. Like Rachel, every woman is potentially spellbinding and enthralling.

When her husband regards his wife as a gift from God and loves her totally, faithfully and submissively, his lovemaking and partnership being more to give her pleasure than for his own pleasure, he realizes and actualizes her blessings and God’s blessings. This is especially important when duress makes her weep openly or inside, All forms of Tikun Hatzot stress this.

Sexual activity prior to midnight increases the aspect of Leah. Sexual activity after midnight and in the pre-dawn or early morning hours increases the aspect of Rachel. Sexual intercourse with Leah, better known in Lurianic Kabbalah as the face of Imma, the great mother Goddess, helps to reduce negative actions and situations in family and personal affairs.

Sexual intercourse during the second part of the night is with Rachel who ascends in the morning as Matronita, the ruling presence of Shekinah. Elevating Matronita helps avoid the worst case public scenarios we fear and helps increases the number of small but important contributions to the improvement of Jewish and world society. One who regards his wife as a gift from God will pray in Shekinah’s intimate presence.

These Tikunim should be done every Shabbat and if desired once or twice during weekdays. They are not magic; but if done faithfully they always have a positive impact over time. A Hassidic mystic, Rabbi Nathan Hanover, adds, “After you perform Tikun Hatzot, prepare yourself and unify the Holy One with Shekinah by making your body, each and every limb, a chariot for Shekinah.”

Thus sexual activity should end with the wife above, feeling she is Shekinah-the ruling Matronita blessing her husband and raising to heaven; with her husband below feeling that he serves as a mystical Merkavah-chariot (as did the Holy Temple in Jerusalem) elevating her to the heavens. This helps actualize their thoughts and desires and promotes remedies, rectifications, and blessings for those around them and throughout the world.