John Kerry negotiates 7,000 Shekel cab ride to Ben Gurion Airport

(Photo: Wikimedia Commons)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 9/30/2016 at 4:30 PM

Ben Gurion International Airport: As World Leaders depart Israel after paying their respects to the late Statesman Shimon Peres, United States Secretary of State has added another diplomatic feather to his cap, having successfully negotiated a 7,000 Shekel ($1,800) taxi cab ride from Jerusalem to Ben Gurion International Airport. The Daily Freier spoke with Mr. Kerry at Terminal One about how he successfully negotiated the price for his 34 mile journey with Shlomo, a Jerusalem cab driver.

Having been in the diplomatic game for some time, I have an appreciation for the subtleties and nuance of Middle Eastern discourse and bargaining that may escape others.” explained the Secretary of State before launching into a small anecdote about how Akko reminds him of Martha’s Vineyard.

Later, Mr. Kerry continued to explain his journey. “While I am not an expert on Israeli traffic, I was pretty sure that the fastest way to the airport from Jerusalem did not pass Dizengoff Center, a place I am somewhat familiar with. But Shlomo assured me that he knew ‘all the shortcuts’. I mean, he was using Waze.

The Daily Freier was also able to speak with Shlomo the Cab Driver about his brush with Greatness. “When I found out that I was transporting John Kerry, I said to him, ‘Listen my Freier Friend, for you I offer best price, a special price, a price reserved only for the most important of people.’ He really liked that.

As if Mr. Kerry’s Diplomatic Triumph was not enough already, in an amazing coincidence, Shlomo also has an Uncle named Ezekiel in the Old City who owns a carpet shop. The Secretary of State described this fortuitous turn of events

When I informed Shlomo that we were 2 hours ahead of schedule, it was just incredibly serendipitous that he remembered his Uncle’s shop….So after a few rounds of tea and some quite candidly expert negotiation on my part, I walked away with a Persian rug and a couple of carpets from Uzbekistan….You know, I can’t remember whether I actually needed any rugs, but after a few hours with Ezekiel, my mind was made up: I needed these rugs, price be damned.

The Daily Freier asked the Secretary of State whether there was any factor that truly convinced him to buy the carpets from Shlomo’s Uncle. “Well, I found out that one rug I had my eye on was made in Northern Iran. When I hear ‘Iran’ and ‘deal’ in the same sentence, something just happens. It’s almost as if I must close the deal no matter the consequences. Isn’t that fascinating?

After thanking Mr. Kerry for his visit and helping him with his bags at the Airport, Shlomo invited him to visit Israel again, only next time he would take the Secretary of State to a “Special hummus place in Yafo” that was owned by his cousins.


About the Author
Aaron is the Editor in Chief of the elite team of citizen journalists at The Daily Freier, providing fact-based news to Tel Aviv and beyond since 2014. This is like satire and stuff.