Last Good “Will” and Testament

The Polish dictionary defines the word “paskudnyak” as a miserable person. While often used to refer ”kindly” to a mischievous child, the true meaning of the not-so-nice Polish noun is used to describe a horrible person.

I have recently drawn up a revised version of my Last Will and Testament in my attorney’s office in Tel-Aviv. In it I bequeath some meager possessions to neighbors who accorded me warm hospitality, courtesy and friendship in my aging years. Not just shekels but simple treasures which I have obtained over many years. These I leave to them with fond memories and much gratitude.

To a mazur-ian paskudnyak I bequeath my territorial possessions in the last kingdom of Poland. All swamps, forests, and all insects found therein shall be his inheritance according with the deeds and tabu from 1727-1918, the years recorded in my family geneology when they served the Polish monarchy as appointed rabbis in the kingdom.

To that paskudnyak I leave the Wawel in Krakow and the Shrine of the Black Madonna, the swieta matka of Czestochowa. All pre-Pilsudski era Poland can be his. The remaining property from 1918-1945 can be obliterated. Of use to no one except a few hungry anti-Semitic peasants.

Marie-Antionette’s famous remarks during the French Revolution era, “let them eat cake”, can be translated into Slavic:  “niech jedza trawe”:… “let them eat grass”.

Even the sheet music of Poland’s first president after 1918 independance, the mustachioed anti-Semite pianist, Ignace Paderewski, shall be burned and its ashes placed in a vodka cup from the mazur-ian era.

All the rest of my property in Tel-Aviv shall be given to needy deserving elderly and a token fee to the hangman who hopefully will put the rope around the neck of Gonen Segev, our latest treacherous traitor.

It is reputed that Segev did not enter the Iranian Embassy in Nigeria to sell Israeli secrets for his personal monetary gain. That would be cause enough to employ the one-time-only-used death penalty on the Nazi “father” of the extermination of Europe’s Jews, Adolf Eichmann (may his name be erased).

But Segev’s motivation was not to obtain financial rewards for betraying the country of his birth. It was rather out of revenge.

A pediatric physician and politician, Segev’s medical license was revoked by the Israeli Ministry of Health and he was thus prohibited from practicing medicine in Israel. So he packed up his bags, took his stethoscope with him, and left the country to practice medicine and save lives in Nigeria.

He had earlier been imprisoned for several years in Israel for smuggling tens of thousands of illicit drugs from Holland into Israel. The government’s reactions to his illegal behavior burned deeply into what remained of his self-esteem and he plotted quietly to take his revenge.

Meeting with agents in the Iranian Embassy in Lagos, it has been reported that he revealed secret information regarding Israeli troop locations, weapons facilities and other information which could put Israel directly under the danger of the poisonous hands of the fanatic anti-Israeli ayatollahs, the descendants of the Persian Haman the Agagite.

Upon his extradition to Israel he was at once arrested upon arrival and imprisoned awaiting a decision by the courts: life in prison or death by hanging.

Israel’s law regarding the death penalty includes anyone who aids an enemy government in a time of war. Under that category, Gonen Segev is a candidate for the gallows. Gonen l’gardom !

Regrettably we have no laws with regard to anti-Semites. If we did, there would be many mazur-ian candidates.

Hopefully when my Will and Testament is probated, the long overdue penalty of extreme suffering to those who hate us and who seek our destruction will be swiftly applied.  I hope we have enough rope. We certainly don’t have sufficient supplies of kielbasa.

There is only one proviso in the Will. No appeals to our Supreme Court will be allowed!

Paskudnyaks must be removed from our midst.  Yoter maher, yoter tov. The sooner, the better!


About the Author
Esor Ben-Sorek is a retired professor of Hebrew, Biblical literature & history of Israel. Conversant in 8 languages: Hebrew, Yiddish, English, French, German, Spanish, Polish & Dutch. Very proud of being an Israeli citizen. A follower of Trumpeldor & Jabotinsky & Begin.
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