Let’s Rename The UN!

Ah, the UN. What a funny, funny bunch.

They were created to end wars, yet, as far as I can see, there still seem to be a couple of wars going on at any given time. And when I say a couple, I mean at least a dozen conflicts that have killed between one and 30,000 people this year.

At least NATO gets that whole Bosnia thing to their credit.

But that doesn’t stop the UN from getting billions of dollars in funding, living it up in their fancy Manhattan building, and condemning Israel every time it breaths too loudly, even as systematic genocide occurs half an hour north. Did I mention the number of dictators and murderers who are members, and sometimes even chairmen, of its Human Rights Council?

I think it is about time the UN underwent a name change, to one that is more reflective of its ahem… effectiveness. But we should still make sure to preserve the UN initials, because otherwise we’d have to replace all those stickers on the sides of those land rovers, plus, printing new stationary would cause “unjustified vegetative damage”, to use UN speak.

So I propose we collectively crowdsource some better names for the United Nations, select the best name via majority vote, and force it down their united throats via the power verbal resolution –giving them a taste of their own (ineffective?) medicine.

I’ll bring some examples below, but I invite you, dear reader, to add your own suggestions in the comments below. Note how the U is very, er, universal, and allows for a lot of creativity.

We’ll start with a classic that I once saw on a bumper sticker:

Unwanted nobodies

And we’ll move on to some others of my own creation:

Unjustified Nosiness

Unabashed Nitpickers

Unstoppable Nitwits

Universal Negligence

Unrivaled Narcissism

Utilitarianly Narcoleptic

Unquestionably Neutered

Keep in mind that since the UN seems devoted solely for the purpose of condemning the Jews, it’s only fair that we be allowed to include some Yiddish in here. Note that the N seems to lend itself to the purpose most readily:

Unilateral Nudniks

Unprecedented Narishkeit

Ungeprichtzed Neveilos

Ok. I may have made that last one up, since my Yiddish is a bit rough around the edges. And the middle. It has been said that my Yiddish verbiage has the clout of a matzah ball, the elegance of a potato knish, and the richness of a schnorer.

But you get the point.

And it is here that I leave you to add your two cents/seven agorot (based on the current exchange rate): what do you think the United Nations should be called?

About the Author
Shalom Tzvi Shore is a hypnotherapist and web designer who keeps finding himself struggling with life's biggest questions. All the views expressed in this blog are his personal ones, and do not reflect the opinions of any organisation he works for. In fact, very few people agree with anything he has to say.
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