Avi Liberman

Lone European man proven to be 100% not anti-Semitic

Edward Casey of Galway, Ireland was recently found to be the only one hundred percent non Anti Semitic person in all of Europe. Initial reports were unconfirmed, but after Casey agreed to a series of blood and urine tests, along with a lengthy question and answer period with various officials, Casey passed what was thought to be an impossible achievement for anyone in Europe.

Rabbi Noam Schatz, of Phoenix Arizona was in shock. “I wanted to see the lab results, then confirm it with the panel that questioned him before commenting. Rabbi Jonathan Abrams who was on the panel, told me everything checked out, and I just couldn’t believe it. I mean, even most Jews hate Jews just a little right?”

A devout Catholic, Casey said that he never really bought into the Jews controlling the banks, or the media. “How can a group that is less than one percent of the world population do that? Seems a bit silly to me. I know Jewish people and believe you me, if that were the case, my mate Jeff would have a much nicer house!”

Dr. Ian Shaw, who holds a PhD in Statistics from Northwestern University, was in charge of the program to see if Casey truly was one hundred percent not Anti Semitic, and administered the written and oral exam. “My team and I flew all the way to Ireland because we had heard of Edward, and I can tell you with confidence he passed with flying colors. We thought we’d trip him up when it came to Israel, but he beat that portion also, without overcompensating.”

Casey says he feels Israel has the right to exist, and defend itself, a stance not very popular in Ireland, let alone Europe as a whole. Casey was drilled about Israel’s alleged human rights violations and responded, “Aren’t the countries around Israel doing stuff like ten times worse?”

At that moment, blood and urine were drawn with the testers having feared Casey had been drugged. The results came back negative.

Dr. Helen Wang of Hong Kong University was surprised. “I was sure the results would come back positive after an answer like that, but Mr. Casey was simply addressing a point that seemed obvious, that we know Europeans have been trained to ignore.”

Even the issue of the Settlements proved difficult for testers to trip up Casey. While he said he’s not sure how helpful they are as far as a long lasting peace in the Middle East, it’s really none of his business, and is sure there is a point to what the Settlers stand for as well.

Dr. Shaw says he still has some final tests to administer, but they are very basic and is sure Casey will have no problem passing them.

The team intends to stay in Europe, heading to Switzerland next as rumors have surfaced of a UN employee who actually feels the over abundance of resolutions passed against Israel are a bit silly. The reports are unconfirmed, but Dr. Shaw and his team are confident such an employee may actually exist.

About the Author
Avi Liberman is a stand-up comic who was born in Israel, raised in Texas and now lives in Los Angeles. Avi founded Comedy for Koby, a bi-annual tour of Israel featuring some of America's top stand-up comedians.
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