May This Be the Worst Thing

It all gets put into perspective after being sick at home in bed for a few days.

It began Wednesday night after my run. I returned home exhausted and achey, feeling wiped out. It was just a 3 mile run. Maybe I’m feeling that way because I haven’t been sticking to a regimented schedule, knowing I have no big runs I’m training for in store? Yes that must be it. Then Thursday, Friday come- still not so great but well enough to be at work, attend a friend’s son’s Upsherin, prepare for Shabbos and do some early food shopping for Rosh Hashana. But Friday afternoon I’m feeling too weak to go for my pre Shabbat run, and I spent most of Shabbat too weak to get out of bed. This is not like me, my body must need the rest to fight off whatever sickness I have. The entire Shabbos my kids were understanding, self-sufficient and managed without me. And of course my husband was Superman so they are always in good hands when I’m not there anyway.

By Sunday I told myself I needed to be better. There were things to do and I had tickets to the Nova exhibit which I needed to attend, knowing it’s showing for a limited time and I should be feeling better by now, anyway. Monday morning I told myself the same thing, knowing I had so much material to cover with my students about Rosh Hashanah before we break for chag. From the start, I felt the need to distance myself from them due to how sick I felt and I knew it was wrong to be there, especially right before the chag when everyone would be home together with their families. I had to leave work,

Later on, lying in bed, the latest news is shared- our soldiers have gone into Lebanon on foot. Please pray for their safety. Keep them in our tefillot. And even though our focus has shifted to the north, never forget about our hostages. And remember our Chayalim who have fought and been killed in Gaza these past months, just to ensure enduring safety in Israel.

Then this morning- around 180 missiles all over the country!

At the same time- terrible news about 8 lives that were taken in a terrorist attack in Yaffo which is getting very little attention because of the missile barrage. Forget about this even being mentioned in the mainstream media.

My Tehillim chats are going wild!

My son writes to me from his yeshiva, “everything is great, BH. The yeshiva moved to the maamad but now we can go out.” I see a video of yeshiva boys singing with joy somewhere else. I know my son and his friends share the same sentiments. Hashem is with us. We’re learning, we’re happy, we’re protected, everything will be fine. ‘Hinei Lo Yanum V’lo Yishan Shomer Yisroel’.

People are sending reminders that our enemies may have their ‘tilim’ (missiles), but we have our ‘Tehillim’.

Of course my friends send me some of the memes being passed around in Israel now: “The Iranians didn’t know we’re all stocked up in the house with food for three days.” To which, my friend replies “none of it is cooked yet, because I’m stuck here in my maamad!”

She sends me her daughter’s vlogs from Modiin she’s been documenting since the start of the war- a movie couldn’t envision the things these kids experience growing up there. Maybe Hollywood can be given some ideas?

As always in these situations (which we know too many of), I reached out to my friends in Israel, telling them I’m davening and thinking about them all. I thought about Adina Zehavi z’ and how I wish I could reach out to her. I know her reaction would’ve been: “we’re fine, all 9 of my kids, no big deal.”, laughing it off, making the situation seem so simple and easy. It saddens me that I can’t anymore.

I realize I’ve had enough- I get up and decide to go to the doctor- I need some explanation as to why I am so sick. CNN is playing on the screen in the waiting room, covering this Iranian attack. The woman I check in with looks up and says “Right before the holiday, that ain’t nice”. Always a relief when people understand! I reply, telling her how the whole country is seeking cover in bomb shelters right now.

I was given tests for a number of things. Covid- no, strep- no. I’m given a chest x-ray and told I have pneumonia. What a relief to have an answer and a diagnosis at this point! I’ll start antibiotics and by tomorrow I’m hoping I will regain my energy to start preparing all the food sitting in my fridge waiting to be cooked! For now, I need to stay in bed and regain my strength. But there’s a lot that can be done here. Rosh Hashana begins tomorrow night. There is more to learn about the approaching Yom Tov. So many shiurim to still listen to. Israel needs our tefillot. More friends in Israel to wish a Shana Tova to and now check in on too. My time here is valuable and will not be wasted. Tomorrow I will get up and cook. As my mother always says “May this be the worst thing that ever happens to you”. Amen- this coming year, let us on a personal scale and as a nation, not have to experience any more attacks a movie can’t even depict. May we not experience anything worse than being sick, forced to stay home to rest for just a few days.