Meeting the Needs

As an organization, we hosted the national SPRiNG Alliance conference this week. This alliance (Shelter Partners Regional National Global) brings together the 20 elder abuse shelters that exist across our nation and both the individuals present, and the organizations that they represent, are committed to the safety and well-being of vulnerable older adults.

Having helped to provide shelter services in various settings since 2009, the questions people often ask are very familiar to me.  The first is, often, “Elder abuse? I can’t believe that such a thing exists!”  But the reality is that there are estimated to be more than 3 million victims in the United States alone every year.  I remind them that people abuse children and animals and their spouses. Elders are not immune from suffering at the hands of others.  I also tell them that the definition of elder abuse is abuse at the hands of a trusted caregiver.  In my experience, that has often (far too often) been a family member, most frequently an adult child or grandchild.

The other thing that is often said is some variation on “It doesn’t happen here.” That might be someone referring to their town or city, the religious or ethnic group with which they identify, or their socioeconomic status.  Let us be clear, abuse knows no boundaries.  It happens to individuals from everywhere, from all walks of life and many diverse backgrounds.  No one is automatically immune from becoming a victim just as no one is predisposed to be a perpetrator.  There are many triggers for abuse. These can include mental health, substance abuse and more.  Abuse can happen to anyone.  Not only can it happen, it does.

Women over the age of 85 are the most likely victims. They may have no way to report what is happening to them. And professionals, including healthcare professionals, may not listen to them if they do ask for help.  How often it is the abuser who accompanies the victim to the doctor, or the emergency room, and explains the bruises with “she’s gotten so clumsy.”  Or they go to the attorney’s office and control the situation, ensuring that funds and estate plans are directed to them.

As shelter providers, we have seen these situations. We have met the victim whose daughter threw her down the stairs because she wanted money.  We have worked with a woman whose abuser was spying on her, with cameras in every room of her home, to ensure that his control was complete.  We’ve cared for the man whose son would take him by the neck and throw him against the wall.  On a day, when his son was away, this wheelchair bound man crawled to the neighbor’s home, across a snowy yard, to get help. This same man, while living in shelter, would push his trash can against the door when he went to bed, wanting to be sure he heard anyone entering.

Shelter is not the cure.  It is a short-term stabilization away from the abuser, a chance to heal and a chance to move forward to a life of safety and dignity. There may not be a cure but there is help, help from each of us.  If we see something that looks wrong, we need to say it.  It could be someone we see at religious services who is, suddenly, no longer present after an adult child moved back home.  It could be a family member who is no longer talking on the phone, conversations controlled by the person who purports to care for them.  It could be our formerly friendly neighbor who is now only available in glimpses, looking disheveled.

Whether we interact with elders on a professional or a personal level, we have many opportunities to observe. And rather than just brush off anything that looks “odd,” we have an obligation to do something about it.  If you are concerned that the issue is urgent or emergent, call the police.  If you think something is just not right, call Adult Protective Services. They exist in just about every community and their job is to investigate and intervene.

It takes all of us to keep elders safe.  It takes all of us to create a world in which older adults are valued and protected.