My New Year’s Resolution For Israel

Elections are fun, aren’t they? The Israeli government seems to think so. After all, We are on Round 3. This election day, you might see a bunch of Israelis posting pictures of ice cream. If you get the joke, you are proficient in Hebrew.

In honor of the elections happening in a couple of months, and in honor of the new Gregorian Calendar Year, I’m going to highlight some ways I would love to see Israel improve or change. And since this is hypothetical, I’m going to really let my imagination run wild.

The first thing I would like to see is a separation of the legislative and executive branches. Asking Israel to become America overnight won’t happen. But I’d love to see Knesset and the Prime Minister and his cabinet become two different things.

I would love to see a drastic reduction in the power of the Rabbinate. Other than immigration and army religious matters, there is no reason why we need a Rabbinate. Anything the Rabbinate touches dies if we are being honest, and we don’t need some black hats telling us how to live our lives.

We should re-think our tax policy. Every year, we charge the locals a lot of money simply to exist, while ignoring the fact that we have around 3.6 million tourists a year. I would love to see a hike in sales tax and a reduction in city taxes, especially in high tourism areas. We get it, taxes are important. But even raising certain sales taxes by a couple of shekels would allow us to give a little relief to our citizens who live under the jackboot of heavy taxation.

I would love to see a change in the way the draft works. We should be implementing an American draft system, which heavily rewards those who register.

We should be annexing Judea and Samaria. And if Bibi somehow becomes Prime Minister of a functioning government and doesn’t do it, he will have wasted Trump’s presidency. And the same goes for the Temple Mount.

We need to change how Hasbara works. Instead of having 20 somethings with no political acumen explaining why Israel is a cool hi-tech place, we need to develop soft power. We need to export some cool stuff culturally. Think about how much cultural pull Japan has. We can do something like that. And why not? Israeli culture is very neat. We can monetize it and send it abroad. Just let’s become more polite first.

I would love to see a re-invigoration of Judaism. Why is it that people still associate Jews with Eastern Europe? Probably because we still walk around with our silly furry tires. We need to re-introduce some of the lost sounds into the Hebrew language, and start dressing like we belong in the Middle East/Mediterranean Sea and not Krakow. And it starts with us. The more we make an effort to cultivate uniquely Israeli customs and behaviors, the more we can legitimately claim that we actually belong here. And no, that doesn’t mean blue and white keffiyahs.

The driving culture needs to change here. It’s terrible. So many people die every year in Israel in traffic. When we develop hi-tech, we are da Vincis. When we get behind the wheel, we become cave people. Whatever we can do to reduce the deaths on the road in the Promised Land, I’ll take it.

I would like to see a reduction in gun laws. Jews should be allowed to defend themselves. At the very least, the people who stood at our borders and risked their safety for our country should all be allowed to own at least a dozen guns and rifles, no questions asked. It’s for fighting tyranny, after all.

Also, we need better pizza. Get some Italians and New Yorkers, and have them make pizza. And no, Chicago pizza is not only not better than New York pizza, it isn’t even pizza. And there are only two types of people in this world: people who know that Chicago pizza is worse than New York pizza, and those who are wrong.

Happy New Year Israel. See ya in the 20’s.

About the Author
Born in New York, raised in New Jersey, and operating out of a rickety apartment in Jerusalem, Nate Fishman left his parents' house while he still knew everything. Support his misadventures by reading his blog. Or don't.
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