My Travel Journal – Three Highlights

Travel mode activated. Leaving Israel for Dubai with family to visit family. Wearing my gold-plated yellow ribbon necklace and #BringThemHomeNow yellow bracelet. Prepared to downplay my Israeli identity.

News of Israeli soccer fans leaving the stadium in Amsterdam attacked by pro-Palestinians was jolting. Just a few years ago, as Israel perpetrated setbacks in equality for Druze and Palestinian citizens of the state, Haim and I joined the chorus asking, “What would we, the State of Israel, say if such discrimination was legislated against Jews in other countries?” Still, appalled and frightened by the events in Amsterdam.

Innocent Gazans killed by Israel at war. West Bank Palestinians terrified under occupation. Innocent civilian lives lost in Lebanon. Israel responsible. Hardly a plan to generate empathy for Israelis subject to attacks in Europe. Yet, absolutely no justification.

There must be viable solutions. Time to find them. The light at the end of the tunnel escapes us. Screaming Hamas and Hezbollah built tunnels doesn’t brighten the aperture. They built tunnels. We’re afraid. Consider people not represented by those who built tunnels. Moderation. Is it part of the solution? Will Israel curb liberties as democracy oft requires be curbed to leverage moderacy?

Amidst Friday’s news from Amsterdam, my phone vibrates in Dubai. App alert: air raid sirens in Kfar Saba. We text Haim’s son in Kfar Saba and his daughter in Raanana confirming all are safe. His daughter and family went into their safe room too.

On Saturday, we attended Shabbat morning services at the Abrahamic Faiths Center in Abu Dhabi. Aside from us, and my American sister residing in Dubai, there were congregants from Ukraine, Russia, Bahrain, Belgium, Iran, Iraq, and London. At the lunch-style kiddush sponsored weekly by Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed, I faced a woman from London, who lives in Jerusalem, as I did for many years. I commented that Jerusalem is rarely subject to air raid sirens during this war.

She shared an anecdote about a spot in Jerusalem that evokes anxiety for her. During the Second Intifada, a terrorist attack occurred there just before her arrival.

Then, I shared an anecdote. I swam every morning at the Jerusalem Pool during the Second Intifada – an intense period of frequent, daily terrorism in Jerusalem. Each time I reached the pool edge, I raised my head to check facial expressions 0f people entering the water. Reading muscle pull around their eyes and lips, I knew if another terrorist attack occurred since I began my laps.

The last few words stuck in my throat, lest they release tears. She understood. Return to the Second Intifada, dislodged the incessant presence of October 7 and every day since.  Emotional distress release enabled.

Airport bound two days later, next stop, family in London. A travel partner noted her loss of faith in a peaceful solution. We agree: Jewish settlers attacking Palestinians in the West Bank is reprehensible, indignant over government performance. She invokes a common argument: wartime inevitability of loss of innocent life. The IDF fights Hamas. Innocent people die. She condemns it, but. The unprecedented Hamas attack on Israeli civilians on October 7. Consequences. Pulsations throughout my body. Pain. Mine. Hers. Others.

Discussion returns to Amsterdam. Trauma unquantifiable – introducing my nuance to the argument. Pain rationalized as justification for attacks by both sides. Ill at ease, I don’t know how to negotiate my identity. My country, my people, Israel and its Jewish leadership, guilty of genocide. She takes exception. Expected. But I look in the mirror and face our reflection.

As if drawn to a set of beliefs, needing to bring the light to others, I seek validation by others recognizing Israel’s lost claim to innocence. Less distress speaking to others painfully acknowledging – genocide. Convinced that dark hole, without excuses of “not exactly” and “not quite,” will be the point of departure for reconciliation, for ending wars.

Easier to share the disillusionment with other Jews confirming it. Wishing it were deniable, wishing outsiders could be denied the right to accuse Israel of genocide. Hearing it activates spasmatic reactions.

Travel mode.  Away from Israel. Detaching.

Harriet Gimpel, November 11, 2024