National Holidays If the Election Goes the Wrong Way (Humor)
As I laid in bed, covered by my 1976 American flag quilt, I contemplated the upcoming election. (194 days away) I had two alarming thoughts:
“What if the wrong guy wins?;
What new national holidays will he declare?”
Within seconds, ideas flashed like red, blue and green neon signs across my brain.
So I decided to write them down.
Here’s the list:
- National Denial of Election Results Day;
- National Let Insurrectionists Out of Prison Day;
- National Hire a Porn Star for Sex Day;
- National Pay Hush Money to Cover Your Ass Day;
- National Be a Bully and Punch a Kid in the Face Day;
- National Cheat on Your Wife While She’s Pregnant Day;
- National “F” Your Allies So You Can Help Putin Day;
- National Be Proud of Your Bone Spurs Day;
- National Commit Fraud Day;
- National Drive the Citizens of America Nuts Day;
- National Create a Theocracy Day;
- National Kill Democracy Day;
- National Be a Dictator for a Day Day;
- National Nepotism Day;
- National Sell Bibles and Sneakers From the White House Day;
- National Corruption Day;
- National Don’t Pay Any Taxes Day;
- National Vote For Idiots Day;
- National There’s a Loser or a Sucker Born Every Minute Day;
- National How to Rig a Jury Day;
- National How to Steal Funds From a Cancer Charity Day;
- National How to Insult Members of Our Military Day;
- National How to Act and Sound like a Racist, Homophobe or an Anti-Semite Day;
- National How to Make Fun of the Disabled Day;
- National Deprive Women of their Rights Day;
- National Let’s Remember When We Had a Constitution Day;
- National Let’s All Go To Church and Pray Day;
- National How to Hang a Vice President Day.
- National Let’s Put All Former Democractic Presidents in Prison Day;
- National Nobody Died of COVID Day.
As I finished the list, I thought, “Not a bad start. I’ll add some more national holidays tomorrow.”
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