National Holidays If the Election Goes the Wrong Way (Humor)

As I laid in bed, covered by my 1976 American flag quilt, I contemplated the upcoming election. (194 days away) I had two alarming thoughts:

“What if the wrong guy wins?;

What new national holidays will he declare?”

Within seconds, ideas flashed like red, blue and green neon signs across my brain.

So I decided to write them down.

Here’s the list:

  1. National Denial of Election Results Day;
  2. National Let Insurrectionists Out of Prison Day;
  3. National Hire a Porn Star for Sex Day;
  4. National Pay Hush Money to Cover Your Ass Day;
  5. National Be a Bully and Punch a Kid in the Face Day;
  6. National Cheat on Your Wife While She’s Pregnant Day;
  7. National “F” Your Allies So You Can Help Putin Day;
  8. National Be Proud of Your Bone Spurs Day;
  9. National Commit Fraud Day;
  10. National Drive the Citizens of America Nuts Day;
  11. National Create a Theocracy Day;
  12. National Kill Democracy Day;
  13. National Be a Dictator for a Day Day;
  14. National Nepotism Day;
  15. National Sell Bibles and Sneakers From the White House Day;
  16. National Corruption Day;
  17. National Don’t Pay Any Taxes Day;
  18. National Vote For Idiots Day;
  19. National There’s a Loser or a Sucker Born Every Minute Day;
  20. National How to Rig a Jury Day;
  21. National How to Steal Funds From a Cancer Charity Day;
  22. National How to Insult Members of Our Military Day;
  23. National How to Act and Sound like a Racist, Homophobe or an Anti-Semite Day;
  24. National How to Make Fun of the Disabled Day;
  25. National Deprive Women of their Rights Day;
  26. National Let’s Remember When We Had a Constitution Day;
  27. National Let’s All Go To Church and Pray Day;
  28. National How to Hang a Vice President Day.
  29. National Let’s Put All Former Democractic Presidents in Prison Day;
  30. National Nobody Died of COVID Day.

As I finished the list, I thought, “Not a bad start. I’ll add some more national holidays tomorrow.”

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. ChatGPT says, Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience.
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