Navigating Life’s Contractions and Expansions

“These are the words Moshe spoke to all of Israel on the side of the Yarden, regarding the sins of the Midbar, Arvot Moav, the Manna, Korach and the Golden Calf.” We can look at things in an expansive and contracted form. I recently went camping; when we arrived and saw our camping site for the first time we looked at it expansively and felt how small it was. But once we unpacked our belongings, pitched our tents and prepared the meal, we found ourselves comfortably within its boundaries. What seemed small when we first got there suddenly became this huge relaxing oasis. As we shifted our perspective to a more focused view, we began to appreciate the details from within, rather than just seeing them superficially.

As a person looks ahead in time, considering a new venture or starting a business, initially it all appears either straightforward or overwhelming. However, true challenges emerge only upon engaging in the actual work. If I want to write this article, I may find myself with an idea in mind beforehand, but I must take it slow and articulate the argument I’m trying to formulate throughout the time I am sitting here. It goes from an expansive idea and turns into a little contracted reality that becomes larger than us. 

I used to hate when anyone would come and watch my chess game, not because I’m terrible at it, but rather because they would offer their unsolicited advice. They would claim that since they don’t have skin in the game they know what the next move should be, but I would argue that since they aren’t afraid of losing they should have no right to utter a sound. Seeing things from the outside can give us many thoughts. When we are done doing something and we look back, when a year is over and we turn around for a moment, we can review our actions and discuss our mistakes. We take stock of what can be done better in the future and learn from the problems we encountered along the way. When we stand at the start of a project or year, the thoughts that engulf us are of worry and doubt, we don’t know what the future holds and we calculate the risk over and over again.

These times are considered expansive points of view, while the actual action is contracted. The screw that seemed so small earlier suddenly becomes everything in his mind, the Gemara that seemed so big beforehand, slowly makes one feel that they can get through it. It is the need to understand how to take us out of our issues so that we can start gazing upon life expansively once more. Learn the lessons of the actions you took, make a new commitment for the future, and stop worrying about a thing. Celebrate yourself for how far you’ve come and criticize yourself to keep on doing better. Spring back into action and watch yourself bringing your ideas into life.

In the final chapter of his life, Moshe Rabbeinu reflects deeply on these themes, guiding us to examine our own lives and spiritual growth. He mentions just a word that describes an entire part of history. Those single words hold so much information within them, they hold so many emotions, death, love and yearning within them. His first lesson is perhaps that we learn to zoom out of our lives every now and then to take stock of how to best move forward. Are we here to shame ourselves into oblivion or are we here for some constructive criticism? We were never meant to be perfect, perfection does not exist in our human capacity, so why then do we beat ourselves up when we fall through with our weaknesses? 

Yes, we need to hold ourselves accountable when we get out of line; not just when we do something silly and need to apologize to others for it, but also when we see ourselves slipping in our religious goals. We should set a bar for ourselves and work toward it and when we fall and stumble as we neglect our true purpose, we must look into the mirror and tell ourselves to wake up and get back on the horse. We should remember not to get suckered into the sadness that washes up on us when we keep being our own roadblock. 

Sadness is the reaction of the mind when we are distanced from the thing that we want. If the things we want are taken away from us we get lost and shut down in a depressive state. Now, everything in the world can be used properly and improperly, money for example can be spent on your family and to charity or it can be wasted on an extravagant lifestyle that serves no purpose other than the moment. We can spend it on a Shabbat meal with the most expensive wines or splurge on vacations. And a person is recognized depending on how they use their money, as the Gemara says in Eruvin 65b, “In three ways a person is discerned, in his drink, in his wallet and in his anger.” When one is connected to their money because they need it to fill a physical deficiency in their life, they will ultimately be sad when they don’t have access to the funds. But when one uses their finances to fill themselves with a cup filled with peace and spirituality, their sadness, when they lack, will only be that they can’t serve Hashem properly.

Moshe teaches us a valuable lesson with this first Pasuk, “Let’s take a look back at the last forty years in the desert, let’s go through those significant times when we grew with Hashem after facing off with tough and unbearable challenges. Remember the sadness you had and the frown on that face, what was it that was so important to you back then that you felt it proper to cry, scream and shout? Was it the desire to be closer to Hashem and the willingness to accept every facet of your life as a gift, or was it your personal desires that made a void in your heart and your sadness came because He was standing in the way from you achieving your goals? Take a birds eye view on the entire story of the wilderness, not just one story, look at all of them as a pattern and determine what your next steps must be.”

The purpose of man is to walk on earth and live his daily life. Fill his schedule with things that will bring him closer to Hashem so that he can think of his Creator at every turn in his life. We live contracted in the micros of our lives but at times we must remember to zoom out at the macro project that is forming due to our actions.

How have my recent actions shaped the person I am today? Are they aligning with my spiritual aspirations, or am I inadvertently moving away from them? Have I worked through my mind to constantly remember the difference between good and bad, do I still become sad when I lack things that aren’t worthwhile to my afterlife? What will I work on in the future and what is the business plan going forward?

Review your life, give your stories titles that hold their lessons and emotions within them. Witness the pattern of your growth, acknowledge the talents you have come to develop, and remember, this work is for Hashem, Who loves you and wants you to live in the Land of flowing milk and honey with eternal peace in His home. 

David Lemmer is an Orthodox Jewish Author and Hypnotherapist out of NJ. He can be reached at LemmerHypno@gmail.com