Need we condemn, scare, shame, and hate outwardly religious Jews who fake it?

Are they faking being Orthodox or just weak?

First of all, dishonesty is as antithetical as anything to Judaism. The Sages of the Talmud show absolute integrity. The Torah instructs us to go for truth as nothing else. So much so, that I regard dishonesty among Jews to must have come from assimilation into other cultures. (Antisemites calling Jews dishonest doesn’t help either. Just like any negative stereotype for any oppressed group, some may actually believe the insult, like calling people stupid doesn’t encourage most of them to use their brains.)

Once, I asked the much-respected late Chief Rabbi of the Netherlands, Rabbi Meir Just of blessed memory, how religious Jews could steal. Do they not believe G^d is watching?

His answer was enlightening. I take it very seriously because of how pious he was. He said, ‘They believe, but when it comes to ownership, a blur [‘waas’] comes before their eyes so that they don’t see as sharp anymore.

The Talmud already says that sinning happens only in a mood of folly. Had you thought a moment about this sinning, you would not have done it. In other words, there are evil deeds, not evil people. Reb Shlomo Carlebach never talked about sins. He called them mistakes.

Recently, I read a column by a religious Jew, full of hatred of fakes. They pray three times a day in a synagogue but steal, break Shabbat, insult, lie, bully, abuse, or hate, all behind closed doors.

We’re not discussing presenting ourselves a little better than we are. This is not uncommon. Look at the Sage who said, ‘If only our fear of G^d were as large as our fear of what others might think of us.’ We’re also not talking of those hiding they don’t belief anymore without hurting others. No, we’re discussing exceptionally big fakers, hypocrites, or con artists.

I can understand her resentment if she or the people she cares about recently got duped by such fellow Jews.

Yet, apart from empathy and therapy for victims and bystanders, we need to understand that such abusers are still considered Jews and not fully lost.

Scaring or shaming them won’t help. Yes, it’s frustrating!

As far as they violated laws, justice should be their fate.

But for the rest, a wise, soft-spoken, non-threatening therapist should ask them how they got a tiny bit lost. What happened to you?

Be prepared for lie after lie, and sob story after sob story in which they were victimized, true or not.

They can cry a bucket about their made-up stories.

You can only hope that one day, they’ll come clean.

Don’t hold your breath, or wait for them. Don’t make them the treasurer of your organization. Don’t recommend them for their stellar character. Don’t marry them! Don’t make them your business partner.

But also, don’t give up on them. As Reb Shlomo Carlebach famously said, ‘You never know.’ Let people surprise you. But don’t build on it.

Remember they must have been terribly crushed when they were tiny and powerless. They don’t only play the victim. They once were and still feel like that. It doesn’t justify their abuse, but it helps us to understand them.

When you feel beleaguered all your life, it seems the only way to live is to close your heart and give out no personal information. Not only are they untrustworthy. They’re terribly lonely and live in a hell of constantly not trusting anyone, even G^d. Where was He when they were stepped on?

That’s why normal therapy doesn’t work for them.

Don’t trust a word they say. Don’t make yourself dependent on them. Stay away from them so that they can’t abuse you. Save innocent people trapped by them, if you can without being hurt. Still, don’t say they’re lost.

G^d considers how we feel when we sin when He weighs punishments.

Let’s not sit on G^d’s throne and judge others. Hatred, in the end, hurts the hater the most. However, if someone just now hurt you, it might be inevitable to hate, and it may take time to return to yourself.

When they tell you they have repented, don’t trust them. If you would, you might abandon them to their habit of cheating. Let their consistent deeds prove or disprove their words. If you don’t, you’re a fool.

But never give up on such a person. We are in no position to do that.

I met a couple of them. It’s the hardest when they abuse their power and receive great honors everywhere for their great work and person. But consider yourself lucky that you have your challenge and not have theirs.

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You may find more controversial writings on Amazon or my own blog.

About the Author

MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. * His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1