Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

‘Next year, a great statesman will die’

The unparalleled national political standup comedian of the Netherlands in the last century after WW II, Wim Kan, once put it like this, which could easily be true of the Israeli situation now:

With a new year approaching, you always have these tea leaves readers with their spooky forecasts. Gloomy thinkers, prophets of doom. I now heard one. He said that next year a great statesman will die. I thought: that can never be one of our politicians.

Predicting is always hard, especially when it concerns the future.

But it can also be fun. Here you have my predictions. If you don’t like political satire, please don’t read on.

Trump’s only friend left, Adelson, just bought a nice modest home for ex-president Trump. When he’s unceremoniously carried out of the White House by the military, with salutes and smiles, and completely pardoned by Biden, Trump will fly to Hertzliah where he will live out his life. Israeli journalists will give him all the attention he craves and paling CNN, reveal all the lies and fabrications. But he will never learn Hebrew and no one will dare to tell him, so this way, everyone will be happy.

Yair Netanyahu and his wife (!) will actually live in his basement where he spends most of the time trying to irritate the then Left-Center coalition parties and their voters, which gives Baron Trump a chance to beat him at chess on a daily basis.

Of course, Mrs. Trump-Kushner will run for the Republican ticket for 2024, but she will lose from Nikki Haley, who will lose from Kamala Harris who took over from Joe Biden with Yang as VP.

You see, is it not charming to fabricate the future? Definitely less harmful than rewriting history.

***

Man goes to the doctor for his yearly checkup. After the examination, the GP says: You better sit down.

Doc, nothing serious, is there?

I’m afraid you only have three weeks to live.

Three weeks to live? What? Is there nothing I can do?

Yes, you could.

What?

I’ll tell you. Getting to bed at 8 PM every night and getting up at 4 AM and start the day with two hours of jogging. After that, a cold shower (no more warm showers), breakfast, everything dry and whole-wheat. Only drink allowed is water, so no soft drinks, hard drinks, coffee, tea (including herbal). Dietary restrictions around the clock: no sugar, no salt, no fat, no pepper or other spices, no onion, no meat, no fish, no animal produce at all, all veggies raw, no more white flour produce or white rice, no chocolate. No more television, no PC, no telephone including texting, including the news and sports. No massages, no entertainment, including music. and no sex. In the afternoon a nap of at least 2 hours. No emotional discussions with anyone. A one-hour workout per day.

The guy gets whiter and whiter. When his physician finally stops, he asks with a tiny voice: And doc, if I do all that, will I live longer?

No, sir, but it will seem longer.

May we all have a very short new year!

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500th blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * NEW: To see other blog posts by him, his overspill blog you can reach by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture at the head of every post. There you may find precursors to later TOI blog posts, addition or corrections of published TOI blog posts, blog posts the TOI will not carry, and some thoughts that are too short to be a TOI blog post. Also, the TOI only allows for one blog post per blogger per 24 hours. Sometimes, he has more to say than that. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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