Not ‘Where is God?’ — but ‘Where are we?’

As we head into the second Passover of the ongoing war, our losses, sacrifices and fears continue to grow. Amid these challenges, there has indeed been progress, but as we prepare to recall the miracle of God taking us out of Egypt, many people have approached me, struggling with their faith. Many are asking, “Where is God today?” 

It is a question I have also asked myself—now and in the past.  Like more people than one might imagine, I have lost a child, a baby who died as a result of a strep infection shortly after birth. This was many years ago, and my wife and I are blessed with five healthy children, three wonderful daughters-in-law, and many grandchildren. But one does not forget the pain of such a loss, even after a long journey of healing. It is partly through that journey that I have learned that when facing suffering and loss, on a mass scale or in one’s personal life, the real question to ask may be not, “Where is God?” but rather, “Where are we?”

This is the challenging paradigm shift required to find peace of mind, inspiration to move forward, capacity to make a difference, and maybe even deeper relationships with or belief in that greater Being. It elevates us from feeling like forsaken pawns to active participants in our destiny. 

In fact, the Torah’s first question is  “Where are you?” This is the question God asks of humanity when He calls to Adam and Eve in the Book of Genesis after they eat from the forbidden tree and try to hide. This phrase and the story of Adam and Eve show that we must, ideally, take responsibility for our choices and their impact on the world—and live with the consequences of the choices of others, even when they lead to terrible consequences. 

That is the price we pay for God’s gift to us of having free will. Even in a just war, innocent civilians are killed – one of the tragic consequences of free choice and human conflict. Free will requires us to navigate this world even with all the tragedy, suffering, and hate, often created by human actions. Free will brings both challenges and opportunities. One obvious tragedy is humankind’s destruction of others and often our environment as a consequence of that freedom. At the same time, the virtue of free will grants us opportunity and meaning to our lives. This is a concept examined at length by Viktor Frankl, the Austrian doctor, philosopher and Holocaust survivor of four concentration camps, in his 1946 book Man’s Search for Meaning, reflecting on his time in Nazi concentration camps, and recalling the inmates who, despite their own suffering, comforted others. 

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. 

In other words, with every experience, we have the ability to determine our response. It is in our power to choose our response and in that response lies our free will and our freedom.

Even when events are not on the scale of the Holocaust,  Frankl’s philosophy is still extremely relevant. After our baby daughter died, in addition to the comfort of supportive family and friends, we found some solace in working on a campaign with so many others in a similar situation to institute standard testing of pregnant women for Group B Strep, which could have saved our daughter’s life, but was not the practice protocol at the time in the United States. These efforts were crucial to rebuilding after our loss, making a difference for others to be spared such pain. In other words, we were able to find ourselves even as God felt distant. 

Choosing action over despair

In fact, the Biblical Hebrew word God uses to ask Adam and Eve “Where are you?” – ayekha – is made up of the same Hebrew letters, Aleph, Yud, Kof, Hey, as a similar term, pronounced differently that is used in the Book of Lamentations to ask, “How, God, did you let such tragedy happen?: Eikhah. The similarity in the terms that essentially ask such different questions – “Where are we in the narrative (making a difference)?” and “How could God let such tragedy happen?” – is a reminder that in moments of suffering we must find meaning, not necessarily in the suffering itself but through the work to transform the moment; through love and relationships; and by changing our attitude toward unavoidable suffering that is out of our control. The first two help give us the ability for the third.

Of course, choosing action over despair is much easier said than done, but small steps can make a big difference. Practically speaking, when someone has a chance to help someone or do a good deed, they should take it if they are able. Such actions are a form of tikkun olam – adding good to the world, and seeing the impact of that, no matter how small, can help make life feel more meaningful, or at least make getting through the day more manageable. In fact, scientific research has found that helping others, even acts like donating money, especially during times of crisis, reduces negative emotions like pessimism and increases overall life satisfaction.

Engaging with others

Spending time and communicating with others also helps. This can include taking a moment to appreciate any family or friends we have, or participating in activities with others. This engagement with others, especially those also facing similar difficulties, has crucial benefits. Despite the horrors of Oct. 7, 2023, Israel ranks as the eighth happiest country in the world, mainly because social connection – having others to rely on and share experiences with – is a key to resilience. The importance of social support in building resilience has been echoed in other studies, including findings that such support reduces the chances of someone falling into depression, or the severity of that depression. 

This increased resilience is what paves the way for coping and sustains hope even when things are difficult. Perhaps instead of giving up on God, we ask what we can do to help, and we seek out meaning wherever we can, despite the difficulty.

And indeed today, worldwide, many are asking that question of what they can do.   There is a wide phenomenon of renewed interest in faith, meaning and God, as demonstrated by trends like rising sales of Bibles of all kinds among first-time buyers, and data showing that more than 80% of Americans believe there is something “spiritual” beyond the natural world, even if they don’t practice a religion.

Asking “Where is God?” assumes that He exists – or at least that He should exist. But it alone is not enough to deal with our challenges. Only through a dedicated effort – a quest to find meaning in our actions and relationships – can we begin to glimpse God in the world and realize that we can indeed shape a better present and future, restoring or inspiring faith among ourselves and others.