Oh, How We Hoped…

To Ariel and Kfir,

Oh, how we hoped…

We saw those adorable photos and videos of you. We saw the photo of the redheaded toddler with the family dog, the photo of your family in their Batman pajamas, the videos of the little redheaded “batboy” in his costume, the new big brother hugging the new baby, Kfir laughing, etc. We also saw the terrifying footage of your abduction. And we hoped and prayed for so long. We hoped that you both would be back safely before Kfir reached his first birthday, then before Ariel reached his fifth birthday, then before Kfir reached his second birthday. 

We loved you and we wanted to cuddle you. I posted many times that I wanted to cuddle you two but I know that the only people who didn’t want to cuddle you were the haters. I had solid reasons to believe that you were both still alive (and I stand by those reasons even now — they made sense). But even those who believed you to be dead wanted so badly to be wrong. We continued davening and doing mitzvot on your behalf. 

Then we got the terrible news that your remains would be returning. Even then, we still hoped — your family didn’t want any announcements until the forensic identification was complete. None of us discounted the possibility that you were dead but we kept hoping for that miracle of you being alive. And then the tests were done. We knew and we cried. 

But even then, we still hoped that your murders were at least quick and that you didn’t suffer. Then more terrible news about the brutality came. I can barely say it out loud. We were shaking and crying and raging. 

We take some comfort knowing that you’re with your Ima, who loved you and tried as hard as she could to protect you. We know that you’re with your Saba Yossi and Savta Margit who were probably greeting you with cuddles and comfort. I imagine that you’ve met the world’s greatest Bubby- she’s Ariel’s secular birthday twin- and that she’s hugging and cuddling you the way I wish I could. And I imagine that you’ve met my father-in-law who passed away not so long ago. I imagine him in his “Super-Saba” costume meeting up with the redheaded “Batboy” and his baby brother. 

But, oh, how we hoped…

T’Hei Nishmatchem Tzrurot BiTzror HaChaim.

To Shiri,

Oh, how we hoped…

We saw photos and videos of you as a young woman, a beautiful bride, a loving wife and mother. You and Yarden were so in love. And you both loved those two beautiful babies of yours. But we also saw the terrifying footage of your abduction. And we saw that you still loved your boys fiercely and wanted only to protect them. And we hoped that you and your boys would stay together and return safely. 

Then we got the terrible news and we found out about the twisted game still going on- handing over an anonymous body instead of yours. We had already found out that the little ones were murdered but now we started hoping against hope that maybe you were still alive. I admit that unlike with the boys, I couldn’t think of any solid physical/technical reasons to believe that you might still be alive. I just knew that you were young and strong and that Hashem could keep you alive. But we hoped anyway. 

Then we got the terrible news that your remains really were back. And we’re still shaking and crying and raging. 

We take some comfort knowing that you’re with your little ones in Gan Eden. I’m sure that you’re still hugging and cuddling them but you can allow your parents to cuddle them too. And I’m sure that your parents are giving you hugs. 

But, oh, how we hoped…

T’Hei Nishmatech Tzrurah BiTzror HaChaim. 

To Yarden,

Oh, how we hoped…

We saw the photos and videos of you. Most of them were with Shiri and/or your sons. You and Shiri reminded me of my husband and me- loving and sweet. You were a loving and wonderful Aba to Ariel and Kfir. But we also saw the terrifying footage of your abduction. We knew that you tried as hard as you could to protect your family. And then we saw the terrifying propaganda video that you were forced to make. But we still hoped. And then we saw the footage of your return home and your reunion with your parents and sister. 

We hoped that Shiri and Ariel and Kfir would return to you alive. We hoped that you would begin the healing process together. We hoped that you would celebrate each boy becoming bar-mitzvah and later, getting married. And yes, we were hoping that we would be invited to join in those celebrations. 

But then we got the terrible news about Ariel and Kfir. And we could only imagine your pain. But we agreed with you that the rest of the world should know how barbarically they were murdered. Meanwhile, we still hoped that maybe Shiri was still alive despite the twisted games and that you two could start over together. But then we got the terrible news about her. And again, we can only imagine your pain. 

However, with you, we can continue to hope. 

We hope that you can gain some closure. We hope that you find healing. Yes, we know that this is going to be difficult. It would be difficult even if you returned in the best of circumstances and in your case, it’s going to be that much harder. But we know that it’s possible because you have not only a loving immediate family but the love and caring of an entire nation. And we can hope for you to find hope and love again.      

Oh, how we’re hoping…

HaMakom Yenachem Etchem B’Toch She’ar Avlei Tzion V’Yerushalayim.