Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

Oversexedness is underexposed

Pun intended. I am inspired by recently reading a great piece about this. Women in the West are still objectified as if there never was a fight against sexism. I’m going to address heterosexual men about this right now. (Gay men and women deserve their own pieces. This is for White Straight men.)

The oppression of women is also a form of racism. They’re considered less because of what their bodies look like. They are told this from a young age. And then destined for the role of slaves. Feminism and modernity have made inroads and more men are allies to women. Yet, whatever is still here of the phenomenon of women’s oppression is as off as it always was.

Talking of racism, as I mentioned before, spousal murder still did not get its ‘George Floyd moment.’ George, may he rest in peace, was murdered in cold blood by a White policeman in full view of the whole world. It led to worldwide protests against police brutality and systemic racism. But the murder of wives is still kept away from the public eye. Even in headlines. The Jerusalem Post had the audacity to headline the latest Israeli spouse murder report “Police searching for man suspected of brutally attacking his wife” when she was already reported dead over 5 hours at least!

Sexual abuse, genital mutilation, domestic abuse, and murder of sisters, daughters, and (ex) wives form merely the (horrendous) tip of the iceberg of misogyny. And being oversexed plays a central role in all of this.

What are things that make Straight men continue to be obsessed with sex? Let’s face these things to get better at confronting and rejecting these ills.

1. Bad examples. When a father treats his wife as a lesser creature, most kids will copy that in adulthood. Old habits die hard.

2. Addiction. Sex can work as an addiction. Especially when it’s regarded a way to feel great. Instead of as a way to cement a relationship. (Just like treating food as a way to feel good instead of replenishing the body.)

3. Whites feel extra lonely. As kids, most of us were so ashamed of the racism uttered that we turned our backs on Whites forever. We were very small and don’t remember. But we feel clumsy about making friends with non-Whites leaving us isolated. Nothing helps a sex addiction like isolation.

4. Power looks attractive. As long as women are portrayed as weaker, sexism will prevail, and so will unequal relationships with power abuse.

5. Seeing sexism as a problem for women. This also happens in many other oppressions. As if antisemitism is a problem of the Jews, racism a problem of the non-Caucasians, etc. Men caught in sexism and sex are lesser men.

6. Sexism is like most other oppressions a comfortable fit with monetary exploitation. They keep the over-powerful powerful, the vulnerable weak, wives as unpaid, unloved housekeepers, mothers, sex workers, kooks, etc.

7. Tolerance of nastiness in men who must be served. What arrogance!

Jewish Law set rules and customs against each of these problems:

1. A woman should be the head of the household, supported and honored by her husband. She’ll make a human out of him. (If the woman has worse character traits than her husband, making it work is considerably harder.)

2. Sex is for the relationship and the people in it and that’s it. With many rules on how to help prevent casual, recreational, impersonal sex. Sex is too good and holy to squander.

3. Men should have male buddies to learn and pray with, and he should get married and so, at home, he may be close to his wife.

4. The more power people have, the more obligations Judaism hands them. No privileges for the comfortable. Jewish Law is based on obligations, not on rights.

5. Women are superior to men and closer to G^d. Men have a ton of more rules to abide by to be equal to women.

6. We are all alive to learn to give, not to grab and take.

7. Greet people before they greet you. Receive everyone with a smile.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500th blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * NEW: To see other blog posts by him, his overspill blog you can reach by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture at the head of every post. There you may find precursors to later TOI blog posts, addition or corrections of published TOI blog posts, blog posts the TOI will not carry, and some thoughts that are too short to be a TOI blog post. Also, the TOI only allows for one blog post per blogger per 24 hours. Sometimes, he has more to say than that. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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