Parshah through the Lens of a Mediator: Miketz

Joseph’s Deception and the Continuation of Family Conflict

In this week’s Parshah, Miketz, to be read on December 28, 2024 (27^th of Kislev, 5785), Joseph is freed from prison by the Pharaoh after he interprets the Pharoah’s dreams to mean that seven years of plenty will be following by seven hears of hunger, with Joseph advising Pharoah to store grain during the plentiful years.  During the years of famine, food can only be obtained in Egypt thanks to Joseph’s forethought. As the famine spreads, ten of Jacob’s sons travel to Egypt to purchase grain (with the youngest, Benjamin, staying home). While Joseph recognizes his brothers, they do not recognize him. Taking advantage of this, Joseph accuses them of being spies and insist they bring Benjamin to prove they are actually the sons of Jacob, imprisoning Simeon as a hostage. After bringing Benjamin, Joseph releases Simeon, but plants a goblet in Benjamin’s sack prior to their journey home and arrests the brothers only to retain Benjamin as his slave.

Family Conflict Continues

The conflict between Jacob’s sons continues into this week’s Parshah after Vayeshev. This time, Joseph deceives his brothers on many occasions. First, despite knowing exactly who they are, he accuses them of being spies. Next, he holds Simeon hostage, but as soon as his brothers leave, he releases Simeon (making the brothers believe Simeon was indeed imprisoned “before their eyes”). Third, after selling them grain, Joseph hides money in the brothers’ sacks, weighing the exact same as the different money they used to pay for the grain (which the brothers also returned). Fourth, Joseph planted his “magical” goblet in Benjamin’s sack when they left for Canaan, accusing the brothers of stealing it (despite also returning the money they found in their sacks), and then taking Benjamin as a slave.

What Could a Mediator have Done?

I am by no means a family law mediator. However, from my training and education over the years, deception is a practice unfortunately used by many in business and family life. To use a modern term, Joseph was gaslighting his brothers. He was causing them harm for selling him into slavery all those years prior.

A mediator would have spent considerable time with Joseph, addressing his interests and long-held feelings towards his brothers. From last week’s Parshah, the tides have turned, with Joseph holding the power over his brothers. Similar to last week though, a mediator would have identified the underlying interests, with Joseph clearly wanting retribution over his brothers, and the brothers simply wanting to buy grain for their family during a famine.

A mediator also would have encouraged empathy for Joseph to see the struggle of his brothers and the pain he wants them to endure. Speaking of enduring pain, a skilled mediator would address the pain Jacob may be enduring as a result of losing Joseph and now, Simeon, and later, Benjamin.

A mediator also may assist in reaching a solution. At the time of this Parshah, it may not be as simple as convincing Joseph to tell his brothers who he is. We don’t yet know how the Pharaoh would judge Joseph, and Joseph had recently earned great power within Egypt. However, there would have to be discussion of what Joseph wanted as the end result. If Joseph ever wanted a future relationship with his family, then a skilled mediator would have discussed through the options to make that happen. Was he seeking an apology from his brothers? Did he want to see his father again? Did he want to return to their familial land? These are all questions that need to be answered before a mediator could help build a solution.

Lessons for Modern Disputes

The continued story of Joseph and his brothers reminds us that many disputes stem from unmet emotional needs and miscommunication. A mediator’s role is not to take sides but to create an environment where parties feel heard and empowered to resolve their differences. By fostering empathy, uncovering underlying interests, and promoting constructive dialogue, mediators can transform even deeply entrenched conflicts into opportunities for understanding and reconciliation.

As we reflect on Parshah Miketz, remind yourself to not deceive others where better solutions are at play that can meet your interests. A neutral third-party may always be a better option to deceiving another.

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Each week, Ari Sliffman, a Jewish legal mediator in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania will discuss the week’s Parshah “through the lens of a mediator.”  Ari will focus on one or two sections of the Parshah and discuss how a mediator could have assisted with the relevant conflict.