Pesach and Shidduchim
A Straight Thought: Pesach and Shidduchim
On Pesach, we dip twice.
The first time “dipping” is mentioned in the Torah is when the brothers dipped Yosef’s coat in blood. They showed it to Yaakov, and he was misled. What he saw was a lie. At the Seder, we dip again—but this time nothing is hidden. It is a simple, open mitzvah.
There is a big difference here: The brothers used dipping to create a false story. On Pesach, we use dipping to start the real story.
The Strategy of Lavan
In the Haggadah, we say: “Lavan sought to uproot everything.” Lavan did not try to destroy Yaakov with a sword. Instead, he made everything complicated. He changed the rules, he made building a home confusing, and he made simple things feel impossible. Had Lavan’s way won, the Jewish people would never have started.
The Problem Today
We see this same pattern today in shidduchim. Often, two good people meet and there is real potential. But the process stops—not because the match is bad, but because people start over-complicating things. They start asking:
“Is this exactly the ‘type’ I imagined?”
“What will my friends or neighbors think?”
“Is it 100% perfect?”
When a good, sensible match is turned down because it isn’t “perfect,” it is a quiet way of “uprooting” a potential home. We stop growth by making things too difficult.
The Lesson of the Hyssop
Pesach shows us the answer. For the first Korban Pesach in Egypt, Hashem told us to use eizov (hyssop)—a very simple, lowly bush.
Why? Because building something real does not start with perfection. It starts with something simple and honest that has room to grow. The agudah—the bundle of hyssop—teaches us that even modest elements, when joined together with sincerity, create lasting strength.
The lesson is clear: If we wait for everything to be perfect, many good things will never even begin. The brothers dipped to create confusion, but on Pesach, we dip to bring clarity.
In shidduchim, and in all of life, we need to stop overthinking and start seeing what is real. If we recognize what is good and give it a chance to grow, we build a true foundation for the future.
