Planning for the Inevitable With a Smile and a Little Soul

Why might planning your funeral be the kindest (and most surprisingly comforting) thing you ever do?

We plan for everything, don’t we? Weddings, bar mitzvahs, baby showers — even the dog’s birthday. We make Pinterest boards for table settings and vacation rentals. But when it comes to the one event that’s actually guaranteed — our funeral — we suddenly don’t want to plan.

It’s understandable. No one wants to think about that day. But here’s the truth: Planning ahead isn’t morbid. It’s one of the kindest, most thoughtful gifts we can leave our loved ones. And when you can support the Hadassah Medical Organization in the process, it becomes a mitzvah with a capital M.

In Los Angeles, we can do this through Hadassah’s partnership with Mount Sinai Memorial Parks and Mortuaries, where a donation, often between $1,000 and $2,500, goes directly to Hadassah’s two hospitals in Jerusalem, funding trauma care, women’s health and life-saving research. This sort of decision brings peace of mind to your family and healing to patients in Israel. That’s not just planning; that’s purpose!

The Gift of Planning Ahead
When someone passes away without a plan, families are left with heartbreak, hard decisions and heavy bills all at once. Burial or cremation? Which cemetery? What kind of service? And the cost …oy! It’s a lot to ask of people who are grieving.

That’s why Mount Sinai Memorial Parks and Mortuaries make it easy to handle these details ahead of time. You can choose exactly what you want, lock in pricing and free your loved ones from the burden of guessing. It’s calm, it’s dignified and, dare I say, it actually feels good.

How do I know? Because I did it.
Yes, I recently sat down with a woman named Liora at Mount Sinai, made my selections and walked out feeling lighter. There’s real peace in knowing it’s all taken care of and, yes, I even made sure I would have a pillow in my casket. Comfort matters! (Too much information? Maybe. But it’s the truth.)

Could be that it’s a control thing. I’ve always liked knowing where the exits are and who’s holding the clipboard. But honestly, it feels good to have one less thing to worry about, and now even the pillow is checked off the list.

Kosher or not? Decisions, Decisions. Do you want a kosher funeral or a non-kosher one? Do you want to be wrapped in a traditional white shroud or go out wearing your favorite dress? What about the casket — a simple pine box or a white one with gold trim? These are real choices that have to be made, and the beauty is that you get to decide them now, while you can think clearly and maybe even laugh a little.

I made my final decision about the details of my funeral recently on the way into surgery. Suddenly nervous as they wheeled me down the hallway, I called Mount Sinai and somehow got Liora on the line. “Liora,” I blurted, “please don’t let them take off my nail polish! I want my nails to be polished when I get to heaven!” Was I crazy at that moment? Maybe. But it made perfect sense to me. Liora was wonderful and promised to note it in my file.

And just as they were taking away my phone and preparing the sedation, I added, “And please, Liora, make sure they play my favorite song — you know, just in case I don’t survive this surgery!” Even in that moment, there was comfort in knowing someone was listening and that everything, even my manicure, was covered.

Let’s Talk More About the “F” Word
Funerals. There, “we” said it. And we can even laugh a little. Buying your funeral choices ahead of time isn’t giving up on life; it’s celebrating it. It’s saying, “I’ve lived fully and I care enough to make it easier for the people I love when I pass away.”

My grandmother used to joke that she wanted to pick her own headstone so she could “make sure they spelled my name right.” She was on to something. Facing reality with humor doesn’t take the joy out of it; it adds grace.

We plan parties to celebrate simchas (happy occasions) and mark personal milestones, so why not plan the one thing we know is coming? After all, we’ve all had kugel that was harder to digest than this topic.

Do something kind for tomorrow, today. Planning ahead is an act of love. It’s about legacy, dignity and peace of mind.

Plan with purpose. Laugh a little. Leave some love behind.

Stacey is a member of the Hadassah Writers’ Circle, a dynamic and diverse writing group for leaders and members to express their thoughts and feelings about all the things Hadassah does to make the world a better place. It’s where they celebrate their personal Hadassah journeys and share their Jewish values, family traditions and interpretations of Jewish texts. Hadassah members are proud of their Zionist mission and their role as keepers of the flame of Jewish values, traditions and beliefs as well as advocating for women’s empowerment and health equity for all. Since 2019, the Hadassah Writers’ Circle has published nearly 650 columns in The Times of Israel Blogs and other Jewish media outlets. Interested? Please contact hwc@hadassah.org.