Profound Gratitude – Parashat Eikev

Let’s be honest: sometimes it takes losing something to truly appreciate what we had. For many of us, gratitude only kicks in when the Wi-Fi drops… or worse, the phone drops (!), and we brace ourselves for the worst only to flip it over and realize it’s not broken. That moment of relief? That’s modern-day gratitude. On a more serious note, when health, mobility, or time slip away, the fragility of these things becomes starkly clear.

At 50, facing a terminal neurological condition (PSP – Progressive Supranuclear Palsy) and having just experienced the first need to use a wheelchair, life has come into sharper focus. And I can honestly say I feel enormous gratitude for the blessings I have and continue to receive. It’s a perspective shift forced upon me one I’m not sure I would have arrived at on my own.

This week’s parasha, Eikev, gives us the mitzvah of Birkat Hamazon/Grace After Meals, from which we can learn so much:

וְאָכַלְתָּ וְשָׂבָעְתָּ וּבֵרַכְתָּ אֶת ה’ אֱלֹהֶיךָ עַל הָאָרֶץ הַטּוֹבָה אֲשֶׁר נָתַן לָךְ
“When you have eaten your fill, give thanks to the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you.” (Devarim 8:10)

It seems like a simple three-step formula: Eat, be satisfied, bless G-d. But the Torah immediately warns us of a danger a pattern we see throughout our history:

פֶּן תֹּאכַל וְשָׂבָעְתָּ וּבָתִּים טוֹבִים תִּבְנֶה וְיָשָׁבְתָּ
וּבְקָרְךָ וְצֹאנְךָ יִרְבְּיָן וְכֶסֶף וְזָהָב יִרְבֶּה לָּךְ וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר לְךָ יִרְבֶּה
וְרָם לְבָבְךָ וְשָׁכַחְתָּ אֶת ה’ אֱלֹהֶיךָ
“When you have eaten and are satisfied, and have built fine houses and lived in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply, and your silver and gold is multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud, and you will forget the LORD your God…” (Devarim 8:12–14)

Notice that the “give thanks to G-d” is replaced by thinking of our fine houses, assets, and money. Abundance, comfort even success can breed complacency, and the very blessings for which we should be grateful can become the cause of our forgetfulness.

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks zt”l wrote:

“Part of the essence of gratitude is that it recognizes that we are not the sole authors of what is good in our lives… Thankfulness has an inner connection with humility. It recognizes that what we are and what we have is due to others, and above all to God.”
– Covenant & Conversation on Parashat Eikev

As the Talmud states:

“Wine belongs to the master. Thanks goes to the waiter.”
– Bava Kama 92b

I am speaking for myself when I say that I have too often been too quick to thank or self-congratulate myself and ignore the Master. I believe in G-d. I love G-d. I fear G-d. But I’m also a control freak and, at times, a perfectionist – traits that served me well in my career, but also made me think I was more in control than I ever was. That focus easily morphed into a sense of self-importance. Facing my own mortality has stripped away the noise of success, responsibility, and self-reliance. The things that once seemed important have faded, replaced by a profound appreciation for the gifts I’ve been given.

I’m grateful for all the wonderful things G-d placed and continues to place in my orbit my wife, my kids, my family, my friends, my colleagues, the skills G-d gave me, and all the “chance” moments and opportunities that G-d placed in my orbit… and yes, the challenges too.

I’m not a “regret” person. But I recognize that the blessings I’ve had weren’t because of me. They were gifts from G-d. I’ve been saying Birkat Hamazon/Grace After Meals since I was 11, but too often and by that I mean 99% of the time it was rushed, mumbled, autopilot. Now, I am going to try to slow down, to mean the words, to truly acknowledge the source of the blessing. The times I fail are a reminder of how easily I revert to self-absorption.

Grace after meals is just one facet it’s just a component of my general lack of gratitude for so much good and the opportunity to overcome adversity. I have a lot of work to do, but at least the path is much clearer now.

And let me be clear this isn’t me giving up. It is, hopefully, a point of inflection. I plan to keep “eating” and being “satisfied” with life for as long as I can. I plan, however, to try just a bit to add the third element to the mix: the Thanks and Gratitude. The adversity of PSP doesn’t always bring “good things,” and I certainly wouldn’t have asked for it, nor would I want it now if I were given the choice. But it has brought some growth and meaning to me. It is bringing some clarity. It may bring further spiritual awakening.

Just because I was forced to use a wheelchair once doesn’t mean I have given up to the inevitable “going under,” and I hope I’ll continue to bless G-d not just with words, but with awareness, with love, and with gratitude. It’s a daily struggle, a conscious choice to fight my own ego and recognize the source of it all.

I can’t speak for other people’s challenges and certainly don’t know why bad things happen to good people it is way above my pay grade or “security clearance.” And yes, there are many terrible things happening around us. I simply am not qualified to explain. But for just me and PSP, I don’t see PSP as a punishment. It’s a challenge, yes. A brutal one. But I still have so many wonderful things in this world.

And I am truly grateful.

May we all learn to bless G-d in times of abundance, not just at moments of crisis. May I, and anyone who happens to feel similar to me, strive to see beyond the surface, to acknowledge the source of all blessings, and to cultivate a spirit of gratitude even when our own self-centeredness gets in the way.