Rebekah and Eliezer: Parshat Hayei Sarah

On Monday I saw the following headline in the times of Israel: 81% of sex crime complaints in Israel closed without an indictment, report says Association of Rape Crisis Centers presents figures to Knesset committee hearing; MK: ‘I feel like the system is failing again and again. And then last week there was a horrendous story in the French news about Gisele Pelicot whose husband had been giving her a sedative for years that knocked her out and then “sold her” to his friends and acquaintances. I suddenly realized that we have similar stories in our Tanakh. This week we are not reading the stories about how Sarah was given away twice to other men (to save Abraham’s skin, once to Pharaoh and once to Abimelech in last week’s parsha) and Rebekah to Abimelech (which will happen in next week’s parsha). Yet reading these headlines made me think also of the Concubine in Gibeah (Judges 19) who was also “given” to save her husband’s skin and suffered multiple rapes.

WOMEN AS OBJECTS

But the idea that women are objects to be given, whether to save their husbands, or in marriage, is very prominent in the Tanakh. This week we have a long story about the wooing of Rebekah by Abraham’s servant, who serves as an intermediary for Isaac. Rebekah firsts sees the servant at the well and goes out of her way to impress him without knowing who he is. One wonders what he looks like.  He is a servant עבד, but he is also a man איש (verses 21-33, 61) whom she follows. And when you look carefully at how the text is narrated, when she sees him, he is a man, but when others describe him, or when he is there on official business with her family (verses 34-52), he is Abraham’s servant. We should keep in mind, that if the anonymous servant (let’s call him Eliezer of Damascus, according to tradition) does not succeed in his mission of finding a bride for Isaac, Eliezer might be the heir (Genesis 15:2). It is altruistic and against his own interests to travel all the way to Aram Naharayim to choose a bride for Abraham’s son. Not only that it might be tempting to him to interfere with the process by taking Rebekah for himself.  The rabbis suspect him of having these thoughts, and say that is why the long trip back to Canaan from Aram, was of the duration of one day. But what about Rebekah, would she have been interested in him.  Would she have thought that he was her “intended”? And if so, would she have been disappointed when she found out that it was Isaac and not Eliezer whom she was to wed.  And of course, that would explain why she fell off the camel when she saw Isaac for the first time and realized who was her destiny:

Then Rebekah and her attendants got ready and mounted the camels and went back with the man. So the servant took Rebekah and left. Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev.  He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She fell down from her camel and asked the servant, “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?” “He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself. Then the servant told Isaac all he had done.  Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death (Genesis 24: 61-67).

So whatever feelings Rebekah has for Eliezer would have to be hidden, covered up, because he is not the master; he is not the man for her; he is just a servant. An interesting contrast, is that when Rebekah saw Eliezer with the camels, she was very active in providing water for him and his camels. And since wells are often the places where “girl meets boys” (think Jacob and Moses), It is interesting how subdued Isaac’s reaction is to Rebekah. “He saw camels”, whereas she sees Isaac and collapses, for now she knows exactly who is her future mate, and it is not to be Eliezer. The sages add Rebekah to the long line of worthy women and female prophets in the midrash (Midrash Ha-gadol on Hayei Sarah), perhaps because of her ability to see. Could she have been infatuated with Eliezer and now is disappointed? If so, it would explain why she later treats Isaac with such disdain and tricks him into making Jacob the heir, instead of his favorite son, Esau. There is much food for thought here, however, at the moment I have other concerns and cannot develop this further.

ON A PERSONAL NOTE

While thinking about how Rebekah manipulates Isaac giving the blessing to Jacob instead of Esau, and how it is considered to be the greater good, I am forced to consider how many of us make decisions to manipulate our loved ones to do something for their own benefit, even at the cost of going against their own wishes. My life partner of more than 60 years is now hospitalized and the future is uncertain. We have to make decisions for him; many are not pleasant. To make certain invasive treatments more palatable to him, we have to be like Rebekah and twist the truth here and there. But unlike Rebekah, we are allowing him the dignity of saying no and having the final word on what is being done to him. Rebekah’s act of manipulation had enduring consequences until today (Esau vs. Jacob) and Isaac had no say in what happened. We, however, are not lying to him; and if my husband chooses not to accept certain treatment, it will be his decision—not one that is made for him.

Please recite a Mi Sheberach, the Jewish prayer for healing and recuperation for:  הרב מרדכי יוסף בן מרים ומאיר הלוי

Shabbat shalom