Remembering My Best Friend Betty During Melanoma Awareness Month

It was August 27, 2009, my son Brady’s 17th birthday. My best friend Betty called me to wish Brady a happy birthday. Betty and I had gone through our pregnancies together.

Betty’s daughter Nicole was born six weeks after my son Brady. So our families had a precious bond. Betty had just come back from Israel. After talking a little bit about her trip, she told me, “I have cancer.” I was speechless and in shock. She then said, “I am going to beat it.” Betty had melanoma.

All I could think of was that God would not let someone as good and kind as Betty die. She was a loving wife, devoted mom to three daughters and a best friend to so many. She was my best friend for 21 years. People like Betty simply do not die.

Shortly after she was diagnosed, we were standing outside the dance studio where our daughters took dance class. Betty began to sob: “I want to live to be a grandmother,” she cried. “I want to watch my girls grow up.” I said, “You will.”

Betty’s wonderful husband Carl, who was like a brother to me, began emailing updates, always ending with Betty’s mantra, “Don’t stop believing.” Betty truly did live by her mantra and remained hopeful.

We were so grateful when Betty was able to celebrate her daughter Madison’s Bat Mitzvah in February of that year. Betty’s outlook was so positive. Even the following week when the doctors found five tumors in her brain. She said, “But they are little.”

In April, as always, we celebrated our birthdays together. I got Betty a shirt that said “Believe.” She loved it. Sadly, she never had a chance to wear it.

Eight short months after Betty’s diagnosis, Steve Perry, the lead singer of Journey —and a client of Betty’s friend — held Betty’s hand and sang his band’s song, “Don’t Stop Believing.” Those words had been Betty’s life mantra. Her hospice bedroom was filled with family and friends, including me. Just hours later, on May 8, 2010, Betty was gone. She was only 43.

As we drove through the cemetery gates, it finally hit me that we were going to Betty’s funeral. How could this be? It was only eight months after Betty called to wish Brady a happy birthday!

Sad but proud, I watched Brady stand with Nicole, his arm lovingly around her while he read Nicole’s heartbreaking eulogy to her beautiful mom. Both were only 17 years old, grieving an unimaginable loss. There were probably over 1,000 people there. Betty was so loved by her community.

Always inclusive, she would say, “the more the merrier.”

Once Betty was gone, every time I drove through our neighborhood, I still hoped to see her drive past me and wave. I was having the most difficult time, missing Betty terribly. I had lost both my parents, but losing a best friend cut more deeply in a different way.

I reached out to my friend Randi, who had lost her best friend Marni, who was also my sorority sister. Randi said losing a best friend is so painful it physically hurts. There were no truer words.

I started to search for more meaning in my life; My heart was yearning for connection, authentic friendships, sisterhood, community and common purpose. That is when I found Hadassah.

Or should I say Hadassah found me. I immediately felt welcome and at home. I learned that the Hadassah Medical Organization, with its two world-class hospitals in Jerusalem, plays a significant role in the fight against melanoma through a combination of research, advanced treatment and compassionate, comprehensive patient care.

I also learned that May was Melanoma Awareness Month. How ironic that Betty passed away in May. It seemed such a beautiful way to honor and remember my dear friend by becoming a member of Hadassah, an organization that supports an important cause close to my heart.

During Skin Cancer Awareness Month, Hadassah Medical Organization plays an active role in raising awareness about melanoma and promoting prevention, early detection and research.

At Hadassah’s hospitals, specialists focus on early detection and accurate diagnosis, using cutting-edge imaging and pathology techniques. Early detection is critical with melanoma, as it greatly improves survival rates.

On the treatment side, Hadassah is known for using innovative therapies, including immunotherapy (which helps the body’s immune system attack cancer cells), targeted therapies tailored to specific genetic mutations in tumors and advanced surgical techniques. Its multidisciplinary teams –including dermatologists, oncologists and surgeons –work together to create personalized treatment plans for each patient.

Deeply involved in research, Hadassah’s scientists study the genetic and molecular mechanisms that cause melanoma in order to develop new drugs and improve existing therapies. Clinical trials conducted there often give patients access to experimental treatments that aren’t yet widely available.

Throughout the month of May, Hadassah supports public education campaigns that inform people about the dangers of exposure to ultraviolet light and the importance of sun safety measures, such as using sunscreen, wearing protective clothing and avoiding excessive sun exposure, especially during peak hours. Through education, global outreach and medical innovation, Hadassah improves outcomes for patients worldwide.

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss Betty, think of her and wish she were here. I love you dearly my sweet friend — today and always.

Betty Marer: April 7, 1967 – May 8, 2010 — forever in our hearts.