Ritual Will Not Be Weaponized
The Jewish divorce, the Get, gained noteriety again this week, with another case in Israel where a husband did not grant his wife her Get, this time for 30 years. For thirty years the Orthodox Rabbinic courts could not resolve this situation, could not identify any halakhic pathway forward. It was an unfortunate reminder of how grateful I am to be a missaderet gittin in the Conservative Movement, how appreciative I am that my colleagues and I consider the Get to be a moment of compassion and empathy.
Since being certified as a missaderet gittin some twenty years ago, I have found myself in endless conversations where I have had to repeat what I now consider the foremost mantra of Conservative Judaism: Halakha, be it ritual practice or personal behaviors, are central to how we organize our lives and we will not allow these to be weaponized. Again for those in the back, we will not allow Jewish ritual to be weaponized.
When this is your principal approach to Jewish divorce, everything changes. The divorce process and everything that happens around it experiences a subtle but profound shift. It is no longer a central anchor to angry prolonged negotiations, it is no longer a central knot in a never ending tug of war between parties. It is not held ransom, it does not become part of legal negotiations, it cannot be bought, and it is not a bribe.
The subtle shift also transforms the role of the missaderet Gittin. We are liberated to be present with compassion and empathy to help the couple with the primary goal of their Get, to Jewishly unravel their relationship and restore each of them into complete singlehood. This is not to say there are not dynamics of these relationships that manifest during this process, this is not to say there are not refusers who think they can delay the Get, and this is not to say there are not those who push back on the essence of needing a Get. But we will not allow anyone to overtake or stall the process of allowing each of them to see their pathway forward to write the next chapter in their book of life. Our mantra allows me to serve each and every person who comes to me for a Get with compassion, and to provide the couple separating from one another one final opportunity to experience one another in their full humanity, with some grace, regardless of what their journey through divorce had been.
I am both grateful for, and committed to this powerful mantra, we will not allow Jewish ritual to be weaponized. It is because of this North star that I can serve our communities as a missaderet Gittin, fully present with compassion and empathy.
