Rules for Jews in Turkey

Today I want to share with you the daily crap that every Turkish Jew knows.

Dear fellow Jews living in Turkey:

  1. In 1492, Turks welcomed you all and you lived happily ever after till the end of the Ottoman Empire. Don’t criticize the Ottoman Empire, it was a safe haven for all minorities. (For those who don’t believe it, please read our historians who have never studied history, neither published any articles in academic journals)
  2. You are part of this country, you are like wild flowers, you embellish our culture. (But we don’t know anything about you, neither your history, nor language. We also don’t care about it. Because the average number of books read by the Turkish public per year is: 4 pages. Don’t expect much from us because we don’t read about our own culture either)
  3. We know you are all very rich and if you don’t seem like you are wealthy, it is because you hide your money somewhere in your sinagogues. (We have never heard anything like “social class” because it is easier for us to explain everything by blaming the Jew)
  4. In Islam God cursed Jews so you are doomed to go to hell. We are sorry for you. We are also sure that we are all going to heaven (Because we had just asked God about it).
  5. You can’t be a soldier, policeman or statesman. Because we only trust Muslims. Alevis and other Muslims are not allowed either because they are not Muslim in our eyes. (We have such a God-given talent that we are able to understand who is trustworthy or not by just looking at his or her religious background)
  6. You are educated and you speak several languages because you are all working for Mossad. (No, we are not all working for Turkish National Intelligence Organization)
  7. We will make jokes about making you a soap or will openly claim that Hitler was right because we have never really read about the Holocaust. Also you might see some of us shout out “Heil Hitler” as he/she enters a room just for fun. (Because we are so self-centred that we never empathize with other nations, we only care about our own pain)
  8. What is the Holocaust by the way? (Some of us are totally ignorant, they don’t even know what happened to you at all. The others rationalize it by supporting the Nazi ideology. And yes Turkey was tacitly allies with Germany during WWII)
  9. Jews deserve to die because you rule the whole world and you make agreements behind the doors. All the other nations suffer because of your agreements and your political games (Yes you are doing all these things but still living in Israel, one of the smallest countries in this world and you have dozens of problems but you still rule the world)
  10. Some of you converted to Islam but you still follow your religion secretly. Many converts rule Turkey. However, in fact they are working for Israel. You are the cause of all our daily problems. (Yes you haven’t fully converted to Islam but you still don’t accept any Jews in the state cadres. You don’t know either what you are believing or doing)

Please don’t try to understand the logic behind any of these statements because even Aristotle came and analyzed these he wouldn’t find any logical reasoning behind them. All we can say is that all these statements and arguments are pure products of a fantastic idiotology.  Happy New Year to all.

About the Author
I was born in Istanbul. I like writing plays and articles, singing and collecting Lego. I am interested in existentialism, Judaism, yoga, literature and theatre. I am living with my parents, my elder sister and my cats.
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