Safe in the Shelter: Guidelines for Parents

It’s hard to believe that we have to think about things like this right now.  While our country is facing the very real threat of an Iranian attack with ballistic missiles, we have to also consider how we can keep our children safe from sexual abuse while they are in the shelter. We are all on edge, prepared to run at any moment to a shelter.   If we don’t have a protected room (Mamad) in our home, we’ll need to go to a public or shared shelter. Sometimes, we aren’t able to accompany our children to the shelter – we might be at the doctor’s office, out shopping, or simply not at home – and they have to go to the shelter on their own.

Yet, it is  precisely during times like these – times of confusion, fear, and chaos – that the risk of sexual abuse may actually increase.  Being in the shelter creates situations in which a potential abuser finds opportunities. The panic of the situation can also cause abusers to panic as well and create more danger.  We as parents must recognize the dangers and  talk with our children – not to frighten them, but to equip them with clear and simple tools for self-protection.

Here are some key guidelines you can share with your child, gently and in an age-appropriate way:

• Try to sit or stand near a woman in the shelter.
• Keep a distance from men and boys.
• If someone stands too close, say clearly: “You’re standing too close to me. Please step back.”
• If possible, go to the shelter with a sibling,  or a woman from the building.
• Take a cellphone and talk to a parent while in the shelter, if there is reception.
• Bring a small object that makes you feel safe – even a fork or a toy stick.
• Avoid eye contact with men and avoid unnecessary conversation with them.

• Establish a clear “family rule” – for example: “Don’t stand alone near people you don’t know” or “Stay in open, visible areas.”
• Use a code word – something your child can say or text if they feel unsafe.
• Practice situations in advance – talk and act out what to do if someone gets too close or makes them uncomfortable.
• Ask a trusted neighbor to watch over your child – especially if you can’t be home.
• Pack a small flashlight – it helps both with visibility and with a sense of security.
• Stay away from isolated corners – it’s better to be in the center of the room, in view of others.
• Encourage listening to intuition – if something feels wrong, it’s okay to move away, call out, or ask for help.
• Help your child identify a “safe adult” – like a neighbor, teacher, or familiar woman.
• Check in after each time in the shelter – ask how it was, and praise any protective steps taken.
• The most important message: your child is not helpless – they can recognize danger, set boundaries, and protect themselves.

Now is not the time to panic – it’s the time to prepare. One simple, clear conversation can make all the difference.  You can make the difference.