Sermons of Rebuke: Masai

מסעי
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils
(33:51-53) We see it again. H’ commands Moshe to tell Israel that when we inherit the land, we shall drive out the people and destroy their temples and idols. And our children cannot even play hockey because they are afraid of getting hit. We raise the weakest…
Inherit הורשתם, here is translated as to ‘drive out’ or ‘expel’ (Rashi)
To inherit is to make it yours. It is an active verb. And sometimes that active verb includes not giving your land to people that want you dead. The active verb could also include mowing your lawn, Feinberg family. It looks disgusting and it is shameful to have to pass it on my way to shule…
You have to take a step up. I know that many in this congregation are waiting for H’ to kick the Jews out of Israel. You support Jon Stewart…It feels good to not be Jewish sometimes. People even let you play golf…
H’ commands us to drive out the people. How can we do that when our children are afraid? I am also scared of spending three hours in shule. Nonetheless, we have to take a step up. Maybe try being Jewish by standing up for what is right. You parents should have been screaming at the ref the other day. That game…
Why take a step up? Yes. Stop being a woose. Let them know that first is worst, last is best, and middle is the one with a hairy chest.
(33:55) If we do not, H’ says that they will be ‘Spikes in our eyes and thorns in our side.’
It will be like constantly sitting at a board meeting and listening to the Gabai go off on how important his job is. All while having to listen to the president of the sisterhood go off on how they need more lingerie challah basket head-coverings.
We have come a long way as a people. We did take a step in the direction of equality, and we did allow for this past president of the sisterhood to be a woman. But there are steps we are not allowed to take.
They will make for Tzuris. Does not one of you have a Yiddisha Nishama who understands that?
Sometimes you have to be strong. And I am not talking about Mr. Feinberg stand strong by his grass and standing up to people who request that he mows it.
They will not let us enjoy. They will not allow us to have a sisterhood, making a beautiful kiddush. They will be there attacking us. With Chutzpah, stopping our children from shooting a shot and scoring. Every step of the way.
The world now supports the concept of thorns in your side. Even if those thorns kill. Sometimes we have to inherit. An active inheritance…An inheritance of passion. Fight against what they stand for. Even their temples of hatred.
Active meaning not out of shape like the Goldstones…Maybe do some ab work…some Pilates.
***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom

 

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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