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David Kilimnick

Sermons of rebuke: VaYikra

Shabbat Shalom
We see the meal offerings are brought now. These volunteer offerings were generally brought by poor people, to reference the Artscroll Chumash.
Where are Michael’s parents? Why is he running in front of the Bimah? … Hi Michael… Why is Simcha running after Michael? … Why is Michael screaming that he will not share the Tonka truck? Michael’s parents should be teaching midot. Simcha’s parents should teach him to run faster… Can we get a volunteer to parent these children?!
(2:3) Then we see the portions of Aaron and his sons, the remnants of which are most holy from the offerings.
Rashi comments, as Rashi does. This is why Rashi is known as a commentator. I believe it is an important rule in pedagogy to explain what these rabbis did. Rashi explains over here, as that is what a commentary can do, that from the Fire Offerings to H,’ the kohanim received their portion only after the offerings.
We all think we deserve. Simcha, thinks he owns the Tonka truck.
It would seem that the priests/kohanim had no ownership of any of the food, until it was offered already.
This brings us to the biggest problem in this congregation and the breakdown of society..taking food before we make kiddush is wrong.
What is yours? When does it become yours?
The rabbi’s parking spot. The rabbi’s seat in shule. The rabbi’s investment that the shule made in his yacht. These are all the rabbis, because there is a plaque put up on all of them. Why? Because he sacrificed himself for this congregation.
I don’t believe that Michael shares his toys very much…The rabbi deserves a raise. The money is his.
What does this all have to do with volunteering? It has been a very long time since anybody in this congregation made a nice kiddush… Will Michael volunteer to share his truck?… Can somebody watch over these children. He is still running right in front of the rabbi’s lectern. Because he speaks from it.
Only after our work. That is when we become an owner of it.
But it all starts with volunteering. If somebody can volunteer to stop these children from yelling, then they can be a parent. Binny!
***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom uMvorach
About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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