Shalom ZaChar – First Friday Night For Boys

Shalom ZaChar

  שלום זכר

After a Jewish boy is born we get invited to a celebration on the first Friday night after his birth. This ceremony is call a Shalom Zachar שלום זכר. What is this celebration? Why do we do it? Talmud Bavli in Baba Kamma makes a reference to a ceremony during the first week that a first born son is born.

תלמוד בבלי בבא קמא פ עמוד א

רב ושמואל ורב אסי, איקלעו לבי שבוע הבן. ואמרי לה לבי ישוע הבן…

Rav and Shmuel and Rav Asi once happened to be present at a house where a celebration was being held marking the passage of a week of a newborn. And some say it was house where a celebration was being held marking the redemption of a son… (Talmud Bavli Bava Kammah 80a)

רש”י ישוע הבן

משתה שעושין לפדיון הבן בכור. ישוע מתרגמינן כמו פדיון.

A feast, that was performed to redeem the firstborn son. The word “yeshuah” is translated like “redeemed”. (Rashi)

Tosafos disagrees with Rashi. He describes this ceremony during the first week for a new boy as a “rescue/saving” feast. Which has nothing to do with a first born son. This is similar to our Shalom Zachar.

תוספות, לבי ישוע הבן

פ”ה פדיון הבן, הערוך וקשה…אין שייך לשון ישועה. ור”ת פירש שנולד שם בן, ועל שם שהולד נושע ונמלט ממעי אמו – כדכתיב “והמליטה זכר” (ישעיה סו), נקט לשון ‘ישועה’….והיו רגילין לעשות סעודה.

Rashi and the Aruch explain this is redeeming the firstborn, that’s is a long and difficult explanation…There is no association with the word “saving” ישוע. Rabeinu Tam explain there, a son was born  and because a baby is saved and rescued from its mother’s womb – as the Pasuk writes in Yeshayah (66) ‘ve’Himlitah Zachar”, it uses the expression ‘Yeshu’ah’ … and they were accustomed to prepare a Se’udah on that occasion.

In Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, the Rama makes a direct reference to the Shalom Zachar meal that we are accustomed to.

שולחן ערוך יורה דעה רס”ה י”ב

הגה: …עוד נהגו לעשות סעודה ומשתה בליל שבת לאחר שנולד זכר נכנסים אצל התינוק לטעום שם והוא גם כן סעודת מצוה.

Rama: In addition, we are accustomed to perform a celebratory meal on the first Friday night after a boy is born. We enter the room near the baby boy and have a celebration there and it is also a Seduas Mizvah. (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 265:12)

The Taz makes a direct reference to the above quoted Gemarrah in Baba Kamma, referring to this celebration as “Yeshua HaBen”.  He clarifies, that it is performed specifically on Friday night out of convenience; because most people are at home. The reason for this meal is because a Karbon offering in the Beis HaMikdash must be at least seven days old and thus lived through at a least one Shabbis. Similarly, this new born boy will be having a holy ceremony the following week called his Bris Milah. He also mentions the most popular reason for this meal; specifically that the new born boy forgot all of his Torah knowlege that was taught to him in utero.  We therefore commemorated this event with a “mourners” meal.

ט”ז טורי זהב

בליל שבת כו. הטעם שם בת”ה דאז הכל מצויים בבתיהם ואז ישוע הבן בגמ’ לפר”ח וראיתי סמך אחד לזה ממדרש רבות פרשת אמור פרשה כ”ז ר’ לוי אמר משל למלך שגזר ואמר כל אכסנאין שיש כאן לא יראו פני עד שיראו פני המטרונא תחילה כך אמר הקב”ה לא תביאו לפני קרבן עד שתעבור עליו שבת שאין ז’ ימים בלא שבת ואין מילה בלא שבת עכ”ל. ובדרישה הביא מתשובת מהר”ר מנחם מה שנוהגים בשבת לבקר אצל התינוק הנולד שהוא אבל על תורתו ששכח כדאיתא פ’ המפלת עכ”ל:

On Friday night etc. The reason is brought there in the T.H. that at that time all are found at home, and this refers to the “Yeshua HaBen” in the Gemarrah. The Pri Chadash I saw compares this to many Midrashim from Parshas Emor. Rav Levi explains this with a parable of a king who decreed that all of those who are visiting his palace must first greet the queen. So too Hashem requires that do not bring before Him a karbon until at least one Shabbis passes. For there is no seven day period without Shabbis and therefore there will not be Bris Milah without a Shabbis prior. The Drisha brings an answer from Rav Menachem, that we have the custom to visit a new born baby boy on Shabbis because the baby is in mourning for the Torah learning that he forgot; as is mentioned in Perek HaMapolet. (Taz)

באר היטב

בדרישה הביא מתשו’ מהר”ר מנחם מה שנוהגים בשבת לבקר אצל התינוק הנולד שהוא אבל על תורתו ששכח כדאיתא פ’ המפלת עכ”ל.

The Derisha brings and answer in the name of Rav Menachem, our minhag of visiting the baby boy on Shabbis is because he is a mourner for Torah learning he forgot… (Be’er Hetev)

Since the Shalom Zachor is a time mourning אבילות , for the loss of learning Torah , we serve the food of mourners. This is the reason for serving Chick Peas at a Shalom Zachar.

The Shalom Zochar is a meal only given for newborn boys and it is intended for men only. This Seuda is meant to remind the men of our obligation to learn the volumes of Torah that we have forgotten. Therefore, this meal is really for the adult men in the room and not the child.

Talmud Bavli in Meseches Niddah explains, that in utero a boy learns ALL of the Torah. However, at birth he forgets everything.

תלמוד בבלי נידה לא עמוד א

ומלמדין אותו כל התורה כולה. וכיון שבא לאויר העולם, בא מלאך וסטרו על פיו ומששכחו כל התורה כולה.

He is taught all of the Torah. And when he is born into the world, an Angel comes and touches him on his mouth, and he forgets all of his Torah learning. (Talmud Bavli Niddah 31a)

The Eitz Yosef is bothered by this futile concept. Why teach the boy in utero all of the Torah if he is guaranteed to forget all of this knowledge? He answers, that this Talmud is teaching us the concept that the Torah taught in the mother’s uterus grants Jewish boys, the potential to master Torah learning later in life. Otherwise, Torah would be beyond the grasp of every Jewish boy.

Therefore, at the Shalom Zachar we are in mourning for lost Torah knowledge. Based on this, the meal on Friday night should be called a “Zocher HaBris” and not a Shalom Zachar!

However, there is also a concept of “Shalom” peace that is being celebrated as well.

The Talmud Nida also states that when a boy is born, more peace comes to the world

תלמוד בבלי, נידה לא עמוד א

כיון שבא זכר לעולם, בא שלום בעולם.

Since a male arrives in the world, peace comes to the world. (Talmud Bavli, Niddah , 31a)

The Maharsha explains this Gemarrah, by stating that men are more easily appeased when angry; compared to a females. Also Talmud Berachos states specifically that male Talmid Chachamim bring peace to the world.

תלמוד בבלי ברכות סד עמוד א

תלמדי חכמים מרבים שלום בעולם. ה’ יברך את עמו בשלום.

Talmid Chachamim [male scholars of Torah] increase peace in the world. “Hashem blesses His people with peace.” (Talmud Bavli, Berachos 64a)

The ultimate purpose of every Jewish man (Nefesh HaChaim) is to maximize his knowledge and practice of Torah. Whereas, the ultimate purpose of every Jewish woman is practicing “Tzniut” modesty based on her Torah education.  This is the reason that there is NO such concept of Shalom Zachor by a baby girl. Its pure ignorance and foolishness to create ceremonies called “Shalom Bas”. This is stating that there is no difference between boys and girls. Clearly, according to Hashem, expressed throughout the Torah there are very clear distinctions between boys and grils. To say otherwise, is serving another power or interest called Avoda Zara. Rav Yakov Emden in Migal Oz is very explicit that there is not concept of Shalom Zachor by a baby girl.

Rav Emden (Migdal Oz) refers a boys first Friday night in this world,  as a Shalom Zachar, since this is the first Shabbos the baby boy is fulfilling. As the Pasuk states “to remember” Zachor the Shabbis זכור את השבת. Therefore, this meal is then called a Shalom “Zachor”. We pray that the baby boy will remember his Torah just as he is remembering to keep his first Shabbis.

The Taz, mentions that we must greet the Shabbis Queen before we can meet the King of the Universe, as a Jewish boy at the bris Milah. Since this is a prelude to the Bris Milah, we have another reason this Seuda is only relevant to boys and not girls.

The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh (VaYikra 12:3) states that a baby boy needs to gain a special strength in his first seven days of life, in order to be safely get a Bris Milah. This first Shabbis, elevates his mundane Chol to Kodesh holiness and thus the boy gets more strength and protection, in preparation for his Bris Milah.

The Terumas HaDeshen clarifies that we celebrate this Seuda on Friday night and not the night prior to the Bris Milah; because most people in the neighborhood are present and available Friday night. We have a concept the more people more Simcha and honor to Hashem ברוב עם הדרת מלך.

We learn how to get closer to Hashem from the concept of Karbanos. The proper translation is not “sacrifice”. The word sacrifice in English implies the giving something with nothing in return. This is the exact opposite of the concept of Karbanos offering. By giving an animal to Hashem properly in the Beis HaMikdsash, we are get closer to Hashem “Karov” = karbon קרוב = קרבן.  Today we can accomplish this same concept by learning and reading the actual Torah portions of the Karbanos and we are not actually required to slaughter an animal. G-d willing, when we build the Third Beis HaMikdash on Har HaBayis in Yerushalayim, this should change.

In Parshas Vayikra (22:23) we learn that in order to get closer to Hashem, we can only bring an animal Karbon that is a minimum of eight days old. In other words, even the animal needs to live through at least one Shabbis in order to be elevated from Chol to Kodesh. A new born boy is getting closer to Hashem at his Bris Milah and so too he must be elevated by his first Shabbis.

The main concept is increase Kodesh on the Chol. To bring us closer to Hashem, Devikus דביקות. The best place to accomplish this is celebrating Shabbis in Eretz Yisrael.