Shema, Mezuzah, and Shalom Bayit – Eternal Lessons

What is the perfect way to channel the energy of  Tisha B’Av into action? The Torah portion immediately following Tisha B’Av corresponding to the 6^th section of Parshat Va’etchanan  provides the answer   and it is contained in the section dealing with the Shema and especially the mezuzah, and provides profound lessons for shalom bayit.

The Shema – the Bedrock for Marriage

If you would ask what is the one prayer that epitomizes the essence of our Judaism and has sustained us for thousands of years – it is the Shema. How many martyrs in our history died with the Shema on their lips as they proclaimed their loyalty to Hashem. And likewise inherent in the Shema is the teaching that the JEWISH HOME and particularly in the context of Marriage is intended to become the physical expression of the spiritual elements embodied in the Shema.

The first paragraph of the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4–9) personifies the core of our HOME and our marital relationships and begins with the commandment:

“Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One. And thou shalt love the Lord they G-d with all thy heart…..and thou shalt write them upon the doorposts of thy house …”

The Heart of the Matter

Note that the emphasis on the “heart” is central to the prayer and is the pulse for a marriage. The heart is the physical depository for the emotion of love and note that among the first words of the Shema is the commandment to LOVE with all the heart.

The emotion of Love is the “heartbeat” for nurturing and sustaining a marriage without which the marriage will wither. It is critical that couples open up their hearts to each other as the basis of their partnership and certainly as the basis for being role models for their children. With the exhibiting of “love,” children understand that the home is a safe zone for harmony and self esteem and the place where they can feel grounded.

By observing their parents, they can learn such traits as.

• How to resolve conflicts
• How to forgive
• How to respect
• How to exhibit kindness
• How to nurture and sustain emotional safety

And it all originates in the hearts and commitment of the couple in marriage to one another.

The Shema and its Directive to HEAR AND LISTEN

Note the first words of the Shema are to “Hear” and not “Speak.” This directive is the greatest lesson that can be applied in a marriage. So many marital challenges could be solved if each couple develops a “listening heart.” Among the most important traits that has been stated especially for wives is the desire to be heard and understood. In fact, the term “Active Listening” has been associated with healthy marriages. And it is a topic which comprises most marriage education curriculum due to its significance in shalom bayit. If we take the time to “listen” to the needs and desires of our spouse we can prevent so many miscommunications and cultivate an atmosphere of love and trust.

By listening a couple is demonstrating:

• patience
• sacrifice
• generosity
• forgiveness
• encouragement
• respect

The Mezuzah is at the Heart of the Shema and the HOME

The section of this week’s Torah portion immediately following Tisha B’Av likewise contains another component of the Shema which can be identified with the significance of the HOME and that is the requirement for the Mezuzah. The exact words are as follows:

“Write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates.”

The fact that the mezuzah contains the Shema speaks to the significance of the HOME in the centrality of our faith. What it also serves is a protection and boundary holder not only safeguarding the interior of the home from outside influences, but also ensuring that the home can be the incubator for intimacy and upholding the practices inherent in shalom bayit.

This mezuzah with its placement on the doorpost is sending a message to anyone who enters:

“You are about to enter a Jewish Home and you must pause and reflect on what you can contribute to the welfare of the home.”

The mezuzah serves as the separation between the outside world and what the home represents in its highest form – safety, security, and most of all the opportunity to experience shalom bayit. The mezuzah also warns against bringing into the home any negative forces that will destroy the tranquility and serenity of the HOME.

MEZUZAH IN THE HOME

The most interesting aspect of the mezuzah it is not just placed on the doorpost of the home but on the doorposts of the interior doors of the HOME. And the message of the interior doors is even more profound in its ramification:

The main message is to cause each of the couple to say to themselves:

“I am about to enter a holy room safeguarded by the symbol containing the words of the Shema. It is my responsibility to watch my actions and words and to honor the treasure given to me – meaning my spouse handpicked by Hashem as my soulmate.”

What the mezuzah is broadcasting – do not make the room that you are about to enter a battleground for expressions of anger and negativity and contempt.

Couples can apply the lessons of the mezuzah as a type of daily exercise to accomplish the following:

• Pause before carrying any outside negative influence and stressors into family life.
• Remember the commandment of mezuzah echoes the shared covenant and purpose of marital vows
• Practice with intentionality active listening, echoing the opening word of the Shema “to Hear.
• Reflect on words that you are expressing – if they are expressions of love and harmony.
• Foster an atmosphere of respect and emotional safety in every room of the house.
• Model healthy relationships and expressions of kindness for their children.
• Cultivate gratitude for the home and for one another for the “gift they have in each other”
• Recommit, each day, to reflect on the words of the Shema and the requirement to Love with ALL YOUR HEART and build unity and

Connection to Tisha B’Av

This Tisha B’Av I spent a lot of time focusing particularly on the destruction of the second temple by the Romans and the enormity of the loss of the temple by the root cause of Hate as expressed in my prior two blogs.

In studying the period and especially the Temple construction, I was overtaken by the magnificence of the Temple and its components. And most of all my thoughts went to what we must do as a society to bring about the construction of the Third Temple – and its starts with the lessons of the Shema and the Mezuzah – we must protect our homes from invasion by Hate and any negative qualities which destroy our Shalom Bayit. And that requires inner reflection on what each of us can undertake as a contribution to our welfare.

Together they form a practical spiritual daily lesson for marriage: the Shema symbolizes the heart with its clarion call for unity, love, and attentive “Active” listening. The mezuzah containing its words serves as the heavenly protection at the entrance to our home and to its interior doorposts, reminding every member of the family to use our hearts for love and harmony.

Let us take the lessons of the Shema and Mezuzah and apply them daily to our marriages and ensure that we are building the Third Temple and not contributing to its perpetuation of the current exile.

Wishing you Homes of LOVE AND SHALOM BAYIT and may we never have another Tisha B’Av of mourning and only Celebration as we march to Tu B’Av and its focus on LOVE.