Some People are Forever Salty

Adit, the wife of Lot, was asked by Lot to give salt for the guests and Adit went from door to door asking neighbours for salt for her husband’s guests, essentially informing everyone that Lot had ignored the laws of the city by inviting strangers (Midrash Agadah Bereishit 19:32). A short time later, a mob gathered outside Lot’s door, demanding that he give up his guests to be mistreated.

Looking at this in hindsight, I understand why Lot would invite guests and keep it on the down-low to avoid getting caught, but did he really think his wife who was a Sodom native through and through, would suddenly adopt her husbands’ values of hospitality and not only not rat him out, but take an active part in what was the exact opposite of her values?

We know that Lot was living with the values that he learned from his uncle, Avraham and although he had left Avraham’s household a while before and chosen a very different path, Avraham’s influence had been ingrained into him. Lot wanted to show hospitality, even in a place where kindness was dangerous. But this hostility came with a cost. Unlike where Avraham lived, Lot was living in a city where welcoming strangers wasn’t just frowned upon – it was punishable. So why take the risk of involving his wife, especially knowing of her innate connection to the culture and values of Sodom?

Maybe it’s because he hoped his act of kindness would inspire her to see things his way. After all, in life, we tend to think that with enough selfless giving, we can change others – especially those closest to us.

Moreover, it’s human nature to assume that when we do good things, we can positively influence the people around us to see the world as we do.

And sometimes, they do. But, as Lot discovered, sometimes they don’t.

As we race through life, we must accept that no matter how hard we try for those around us to share our beliefs or embrace our values, no matter how much we hope for it, it’s up to that person to decide as to whether to change or not.

Lot’s attempt at kindness came from a place of goodness, but it also reveals the challenge of holding onto our values when those around us don’t share them. To influence others (and not get frustrated in the process), we must also be prepared to accept that the paths of others may forever differ, and not every, or even any, gesture will be reciprocated.

Letting go of the expectations of others frees up headspace for us to focus on ourselves.

Shabbat Shalom!