Sundays with Nina

Five years ago, one of my closest friends made a book recommendation. “Yosef, you have to read ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’; it’ll change your life.” Many people receive book recommendations from relatives or friends and respectfully decline. I’m too busy and have three other books on my reading list. Yet, I decided to give ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ a shot.

This heartwarming memoir follows the friendship of Mitch Albom and Morrie Schwartz. In the late 1970s, Morrie was Mitch’s sociology professor at Brandeis University. The two shared many office hours and lunches together. Morrie also advised and collaborated on Mitch’s senior thesis. However, this close relationship crumbled following Mitch’s graduation from college. Two decades later, Mitch discovered Morrie was diagnosed with ALS and only had several months to live. This prompted Mitch to fly on Tuesdays from Michigan to Morrie’s home in Boston for weekly visits. Mitch and Morrie would discuss materialism, pursuing honor, death, and what really matters in life. The discussions and visits brought Morrie tremendous comfort and joy amidst his most difficult hours.

After reading ‘Tuesdays with Morrie,’ I decided to switch my major at Yeshiva University from business to psychology. The same way Mitch offered Morrie comfort and solace from suffering, I wanted to reduce pain and suffering for others. The career center at Yeshiva University suggested I volunteer with members of a vulnerable population to improve my resume for graduate school applications. Of New York City’s many volunteer opportunities, I signed up for DOROT’s Friendly Visitor program. DOROT provides services for socially isolated older adults in New York City. Its Friendly Visitor program assigns volunteers an older adult to visit weekly for one hour.

Three months later, I rang apartment 14E’s doorbell. A 97-year-old woman with short gray hair answered the door. “Are you Joseph?” I nodded. “Yes, Can I come in?” A plate of six tea biscuits awaited on the apartment’s coffee table. Nina sat on the couch, whereas I sat on a living room chair. DOROT brought two unrelated people 75 years apart together for Sunday afternoon schmoozes. Conversation topics ranged from Judaism and values to past vacations, immigrating to America, New York in the 1940s, family obligations and God.

Over the first few Sundays, Nina shared stories about her upbringing. When she was 16, her family evaded Nazi Germany and moved to New York. The move landed Nina and her six-person family into a one-bedroom apartment. It required Nina to learn English from scratch. Furthermore, low family income prompted Nina to forgo high school and remain at home cooking, cleaning and taking care of little nieces and nephews. Nina would have preferred to complete high school and pursue a nursing degree. However, meeting family responsibilities ranked higher on Nina’s priority list than professional achievements. Nina’s devotion to family taught me that loved ones always come first.

Nina also loved to discuss her husband. A World War II veteran and executive in the Garment Center in New York City. Upon their engagement, he was drafted to the Navy and the couple postponed their wedding and exchanged love letters until his return four years later. My grandfather (Solmon Silfen) and grandmother (Violet Meshulam) also needed to postpone their wedding for two years until Solomon completed his draft service. Nina, her husband and my grandparents have taught me that good things are worth waiting for.

At the time of our visits, Nina’s husband suffered from dementia and lived in a nursing home. Nina would express occasional grief and sorrow about this unfortunate circumstance. “On the phone, I try to remind him of our trips, and he doesn’t remember. We have been together for 76 years, but now, we can’t see each other. But, you know what? We had a good run.” Nina’s expression of gratitude in the face of loneliness and hardship taught me to look for silver linings even in difficult times.

In late March of 2020, I received a call from Nina’s daughter, Jenny. “Nina is going into hospice.” I had never lost a loved one before and asked my mom, “What does hospice mean?” A day or two later Nina Stern passed away. News of Nina’s death led me to venture outside, sit down on a bench, and reflect about our visits together.

This included reflections about Nina’s encouragement to schedule more family time. “I bet your brother would love to go attend a basketball game or play mini golf with you. Is it really too hard to call your sister more?” Reflections about Nina’s blunt relationship advice: “You’re only 22. Why are you looking to get married?” I also reflected on Nina’s career advice. “Joseph, you can do anything you want. You just gotta work hard.”

It has been five years since Nina Stern’s death. I could not find an obituary or anything about her online. This article hopes to offer a snapshot of Nina’s impact during her 97-year life. She is survived by her daughter and son.

Perhaps one older adult in your life would love a weekly phone call or visit, would love to grab lunch or supper, would love to go for a stroll around the block. Sometimes, the so-called “golden years” can become the lonely years for older adults in our community.

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Here’s the link to DOROT’s Friendly Visitor Program: https://dorotusa.org/our-programs/at-home/friendly-visiting