Teshuvah from Strength

As I have become older I have found- much to my surprise – that I am an adrenaline junkie— that I truly enjoy the thrill of ziplining, bungee jumping, rappelling and the like- as they seem to satisfy that part of my brain that craves excitement. A number of years ago on a trip to Israel, my son- who was 17 years old at the time- and I decided to go rappelling down Machtesh Ramon, the Ramon Crater in the Negev. Our lovely guide geared up my son and essentially pushed him down the mountain with a quick, ‘Shalom, bye!’ When it was my turn, however, the process went a bit slower. With my helmet, harness and gloves on, I lowered myself into the starting stance. Teetering on the edge of the crater my guide shouted commands— Get yourself in position! Take a deep breath! Think about what you are about to do! —And then she began asking me questions that echoed over the canyon—Oh and what do you do for a living? —You are a woman rabbi? I never had a woman rabbi before!!!— And at the starting moment where I was perched- ניצבה- on the side of the crater, I closed my eyes, breathed in and mentally focused on my feet and hands and visualized what would happen next. Then I pushed off the edge and slowly lowered myself down, trying my best to take in the view and enjoy the whole experience – all the while my guide shouting words of encouragement on the way down. (I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I had done this before in a much more precarious spot of Ramat HaKeshet in the North.)

As we come to this point in our story of the Jewish people, we see that they are ניצבים- not so much standing- as it is often translated- but rather perched in order to do some action- like the stance before rappelling off a crater or the Olympic swimmers this summer in France taking their positions before diving into the pool. Here, B’nai Yisrael from all stations of life and for all time are taking their marks as they did at Har Sinai. And just like the receiving the Torah the first time, they not only stand ready to receive this Teaching but to accept Gd’s reaffirmation of the B’rit, the Covenant.  (Deut. 29:11-12)

לְעׇבְרְךָ֗ בִּבְרִ֛ית ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ וּבְאָלָת֑וֹ אֲשֶׁר֙ ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ כֹּרֵ֥ת עִמְּךָ֖ הַיּֽוֹם ׃

to enter into the covenant of your God ה׳, which your God ‘ה is concluding with you this day, with its sanctions;

לְמַ֣עַן הָקִֽים־אֹתְךָ֩ הַיּ֨וֹם ׀ ל֜וֹ לְעָ֗ם וְה֤וּא יִֽהְיֶה־לְּךָ֙ לֵֽאלֹקים כַּאֲשֶׁ֖ר דִּבֶּר־לָ֑ךְ וְכַאֲשֶׁ֤ר נִשְׁבַּע֙ לַאֲבֹתֶ֔יךָ לְאַבְרָהָ֥ם לְיִצְחָ֖ק וּֽלְיַעֲקֹֽב׃

in order to establish you this day as God’s people and in order to be your God, as (I) promised you and as sworn to your fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Yet, Gd’s worry that the people will stray is still present- as the words of last week’s Tochacha- rebuke and curses- still linger as the punishments or sanctions- thankfully shorter here- are reiterated. For forsaking Gd and the Covenant, B’nai Yisrael will be expelled from the land and the land itself will experience all manner of plagues and diseases that will devastate it and leave it like the destroyed cities of Sodom and Amorrah.

But Gd tells us here that there is a remedy at hand that will result in a complete reversal of fortune. Gd truly hopes that we will return and when we do, He will receive us with love and compassion- (Deut. 30:3-4)

וְשָׁ֨ב ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ אֶת־שְׁבוּתְךָ֖ וְרִחֲמֶ֑ךָ וְשָׁ֗ב וְקִבֶּצְךָ֙ מִכׇּל־הָ֣עַמִּ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֧ר הֱפִֽיצְךָ֛ ה׳, אֱלֹקיךָ שָֽׁמָּה ׃

then your God ה will restore your fortunes and take you back in love. [God] will bring you together again from all the peoples where your God ה has scattered you.

אִם־יִהְיֶ֥ה נִֽדַּחֲךָ֖ בִּקְצֵ֣ה הַשָּׁמָ֑יִם מִשָּׁ֗ם יְקַבֶּצְךָ֙ ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ וּמִשָּׁ֖ם יִקָּחֶֽךָ ׃

Even if your outcasts are at the ends of the world, from there your God will gather you, from there [God] will fetch you.

Gd is promising not only to honor his obligations- as the Covenant not only binds the Jewish people to Gd forever but also binds Gd to the Jewish people—forever. It is in these words that we see Gd’s true longing that this relationship with us- the Jewish people- will work out.

And work out- not just out of obligation alone, not just by the particulars of the covenant- as that is no way to build a relationship. If Gd’s reason to be with us is only covenantal or contractual, it will breed resentment- on our part and on Gd’s. No one wants to be connected to someone who sees their relationship as something to cross off a to-do list—-e.g.  I am married, I have paid the requisite amount of attention to my spouse. Check! I’m a parent- I’ve paid tuition and edited course papers for my children-Check! Check!

But for a relationship to be truly long-lasting and meaningful, it must also include love.

We are, now in the month of Elul, a time that through personal reflection and accounting of our souls- חשבון הנפש- we are desperately trying to reboot our connection to HKBH– as the King is in the field, המלך בשדה. While many of  you know the Elul acronym from Shir HaShirim- אני לדודי ודודי לי- I am to my beloved and my beloved is mine- signifying the mutual love between Gd and the Jewish people- another Elul acronym shows up for us today in the Parasha-

וּמָ֨ל ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ אֶת־לְבָבְךָ֖ וְאֶת־לְבַ֣ב זַרְעֶ֑ךָ לְאַהֲבָ֞ה אֶת־ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ בְּכׇל־לְבָבְךָ֥ וּבְכׇל־נַפְשְׁךָ֖ לְמַ֥עַן חַיֶּֽיךָ׃

Then your God ה׳ will open up your heart and the hearts of your offspring—to love your God ה׳ with all your heart and soul, in order that you may live.

If we return- after doing the hard work of introspection–of truly looking at ourselves honestly- then we can stand ready – נצבים-to reconnect with HaShem.  When we reactivate our relationship, Gd will in turn -open up our hearts- the language here is actually ומל ה’ -literally circumcise our hearts– thereby allowing us to receive his love and to connect with him on a deeper level.

And it’s important to remember that it is not only B’nai Yisrael doing the work of תשובה- return- as the ‘ה is returning as well. I’d like to circle back to the pasuk where Hashem promises to receive us in love when we return.

וְשָׁ֨ב ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ אֶת־שְׁבוּתְךָ֖ וְרִחֲמֶ֑ךָ–

JPS translates וְשָׁ֨ב ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ- as  ‘then your God ה will restore your fortunes and take you back in love.’

But the words actually say that Gd will return–Gd returning from somewhere to go to some place. So from where exactly is Gd returning? According to the medieval French scholar Rashi, quoting from the Babylonian Talmud Masechet Megillah page 29a, Gd is indeed returning from a very place.

BT Megillah 29a:

תַּנְיָא, רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן יוֹחַי אוֹמֵר: בּוֹא וּרְאֵה כַּמָּה חֲבִיבִין יִשְׂרָאֵל לִפְנֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, שֶׁבְּכָל מָקוֹם שֶׁגָּלוּ — שְׁכִינָה עִמָּהֶן. גָּלוּ לְמִצְרַיִם — שְׁכִינָה עִמָּהֶן, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״הַנִּגְלֹה נִגְלֵיתִי לְבֵית אָבִיךָ בִּהְיוֹתָם בְּמִצְרַיִם וְגוֹ׳״. גָּלוּ לְבָבֶל — שְׁכִינָה עִמָּהֶן, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״לְמַעַנְכֶם שֻׁלַּחְתִּי בָבֶלָה״. וְאַף כְּשֶׁהֵן עֲתִידִין לִיגָּאֵל — שְׁכִינָה עִמָּהֶן, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וְשָׁב ה׳ אֱלֹהֶיךָ אֶת שְׁבוּתְךָ״. ״וְהֵשִׁיב״ לֹא נֶאֱמַר, אֶלָּא ״וְשָׁב״. מְלַמֵּד שֶׁהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא שָׁב עִמָּהֶן מִבֵּין הַגָּלִיּוֹת.

§ It is taught in a baraita: Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai says: Come and see how beloved the Jewish people are before the Holy One, Blessed be He. As every place they were exiled, the Divine Presence went with them. They were exiled to Egypt, and the Divine Presence went with them, as it is stated: “Did I reveal myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt?” (I Samuel 2:27). They were exiled to Babylonia, and the Divine Presence went with them, as it is stated: “For your sake I have sent to Babylonia” (Isaiah 43:14). So too, when, in the future, they will be redeemed, the Divine Presence will be with them, as it is stated: “Then the Lord your God will return with your captivity” (Deuteronomy 30:3). It does not state: He will bring back, i.e., He will cause the Jewish people to return, but rather it says: “He will return,” which teaches that the Holy One, Blessed be He, will return together with them from among the various exiles.

But I’d like to suggest a slightly different way to understand Gd’s return–not as Gd returning from a place of exile, but actually Hashem doing Teshuvah- a radical idea that Gd at this time of year is also doing His own accounting and reflection – not so much to improve His behavior (Heaven forbid!)- but rather to figure out how might He make the relationship between Him and the Jewish people better. HaShem is using this time to find a better way to connect with us. Gd returns with us from actual exile and perhaps from spiritual exile as well.

In fact, Gd has been trying to woo us back for over seven weeks. On Tisha B’av, our relationship seemed to be irretrievably broken. And every week since, we have read beautiful Haftarot of consolation where on each Shabbat we see HaShem working very hard to win us back.

The Abudarham-Rabbi David Abudarham -the 14th century Torah scholar from Seville most known for his commentary on the siddur-describes the process as follows. At first (in the first Haftara of Consolation) God asks the Prophets to comfort the people.  In the second Haftara, B’nai Yisrael does not answer with an immediate yes. They are still traumatized by God’s punishment and the destruction of Jerusalem and feel completely abandoned.  In the third Haftarah, God, through the Prophets tries again to win back the Jewish people. Yet, in the fourth Haftarah, the Jewish people are still not ready to fully reconcile with God. This dynamic continues with the fifth and sixth Haftarot until the seventh Haftarah–which we read today!- when B’nai Yisrael can finally declare, ‘I greatly rejoice in the LORD…’ (Isaiah 61:10).שוש אשיש בקוקה

Gd has been tirelessly working his way back to us. And he has been imploring us to come back trying many different methods. He has simply commanded us here– (Deut. 30:16)

אֲשֶׁ֨ר אָנֹכִ֣י מְצַוְּךָ֮ הַיּוֹם֒ לְאַהֲבָ֞ה אֶת־ה’ אֱלֹקיךָ֙ לָלֶ֣כֶת בִּדְרָכָ֔יו וְלִשְׁמֹ֛ר מִצְוֺתָ֥יו וְחֻקֹּתָ֖יו וּמִשְׁפָּטָ֑יו-

For I command you this day, to love your God, to walk in God’s ways, and to keep God’s commandments, God’s laws, and God’s rules…

And here and other places, He has threatened.

For those who think they know better than His mitzvot, it states: (Deut. 29:19)

לֹא־יֹאבֶ֣ה ה֮’ סְלֹ֣חַֽ לוֹ֒ כִּ֣י אָ֠ז יֶעְשַׁ֨ן אַף־ה’ וְקִנְאָתוֹ֙ בָּאִ֣ישׁ הַה֔וּא וְרָ֤בְצָה בּוֹ֙ כׇּל־הָ֣אָלָ֔ה הַכְּתוּבָ֖ה בַּסֵּ֣פֶר הַזֶּ֑ה וּמָחָ֤ה ה֙’ אֶת־שְׁמ֔וֹ מִתַּ֖חַת הַשָּׁמָֽיִם ׃

Gd will never forgive that party. Rather, ‘ה’s anger and passion will rage against them, till every sanction recorded in this book comes down upon them, and ‘ה blots out their name from under heaven.

And, perhaps seeing that these methods are not enough to maintain the relationship, Gd briefly utilizes words of encouragement– that B’nai Yisrael now and forever has the capacity and the tools to do the work and do the thing that HaShem so desperately wants.

לֹ֥א בַשָּׁמַ֖יִם הִ֑וא – Deut 30:12- It is not in the heavens! Human beings can do this work.

וְלֹא־מֵעֵ֥בֶר לַיָּ֖ם הִ֑וא- Deut. 30:13- Neither is it beyond the sea. It is not beyond your abilities.

Every seventh year during the Holiday of Sukkot with the ceremony of Hakel, we reaffirm not only Covenant–our obligation to Gd, but also are willing participation in the meaningful relationship with Gd- The we are נצבים- we are taking our marks to get ready to the work–knowing the Gd is doing the work as well.

And while the concluding verses of Vayelech -when Moshe goes to speak – do not sound so optimistic for B’nai Yisrael– as both Gd and Moshe state their worries for the people as when they sin and not if they will sin– regardless, B’nai Yisrael has been given agency to take charge of their future and the future for all generations. In Moshe’s swan song- in Ha’azinu and V’zot HaB’racha, he sets aside his worry, confident that he has given B’nai Yisrael the Torah and instruction that they need and he is able to leave the stage with a blessing.

So practically, what does that mean for us as we are getting ready to pray on the Yamim Noraim? How are we standing ready to reunite with Gd? For many, the idea of standing for Gd is daunting, overwhelming or scary. Who am I- a mere human being made of dust- to ask Gd for anything? To have any conversation with HKBH for anything?

With the year the Jewish people has had, we might feel like destitute beggars hoping for any little blessing Gd can send our way. But when you are begging, it assumes that you have absolutely nothing to offer in return. But we do have something to offer Gd–we have the promise of loyalty, fidelity and most importantly relationship. Gd desires this relationship and we have it to give.

The liturgy of the High Holiday prayers on Rosh HaShanah signals that we are ready not only to fulfill our Covenantal obligations but also to show our desire to have a loving relationship with Gd. And in doing so, we activate Gd to respond accordingly.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the Zichronot verses of Mussaf. We remind Gd not only of his covanental, contractual obligations—

וְנֶאֱמַר וְזָכַרְתִּי אֶת בְּרִיתִי יַעֲקוֹב וְאַף אֶת־בְּרִיתִי יִצְחָק וְאַף אֶת בְּרִיתִי אַבְרָהָם אֶזְכֹּר וְהָאָרֶץ אֶזְכֹּר:

And it is said: “I will remember My covenant with Yaakov, and also My covenant with Yitzchak, and also My covenant with Avraham, will I remember; and the land [of Yisrael] I will remember.”

But we will also- actively remind Gd- of all the good times we had together. (Even though it might seem to be a little bit of revisionist history).

וְעַל יְדֵי עֲבָדֶֽיךָ הַנְּבִיאִים כָּתוּב לֵאמֹר: הָלֹךְ וְקָרָֽאתָ בְאָזְנֵי יְרוּשָׁלַֽםִ לֵאמֹר כֹּה אָמַר ה׳ זָכַֽרְתִּי לָךְ חֶֽסֶד נְעוּרַֽיִךְ אַהֲבַת כְּלוּלֹתָֽיִךְ לֶכְתֵּךְ אַחֲרַי בַּמִּדְבָּר בְּאֶֽרֶץ לֹא זְרוּעָה:

And by the hand of Your servants, the Prophets it is written: “Go and proclaim it in the ears of Yerushalayim, saying: thus said Adonoy, I remembered for you the kindness of your youth, the love of your bridal days, how you followed Me into the wilderness, in a land that was not cultivated.”

Remember when we were first married? And how happy we were? We are ready to have that degree of joy and closeness again Gd. Come back to us- Return to us.

At this time of year we are perched, we are taking our marks and we are ready to renew our marriage to Gd and renew our covenantal commitment to Torah and mitzvot. But we stand ready not to beg and plead– but from a position of strength. In fact– this year maybe more than any other time in our lifetimes- we can stand strong and demand that Gd return to us.

We are נצבים היום- we take our positions today– ללכת- to go and renew and reconnect– and demand that HaShem to the same.

Shabbat Shalom!

This drasha was delivered at Moriah Congregation, Deerfield, IL, on September 28,2024