The Haggadah’s ‘4 SONS’: 2 Contemporary Lessons

The Passover Haggadah is not about answers but about questions – not only about back then but especially for the here and now. That’s because the text is not formed in stone – we are encouraged to provide our own interpretations, and the more the merrier (especially with four glasses of wine!). Indeed, in the spirit of the Talmud, having “conflicting” interpretations is viewed as something positive: “ellu ve’ellu divrei Elohim khayim” (this and that are both the word of God).

In that spirit, here are two such divergent takes on perhaps the most famous section of the Haggadah: the “4 Sons.” (The first interpretation here comes from a former classmate, Rabbi Gordon Tucker, a leading light in America’s Conservative Movement; the second one is mine.)

Perhaps because we are so familiar with it, we don’t realize that the “4 Sons” section is actually quite strange. Among other difficulties, the first two sons both use the 2nd person pronoun, asking the father: “what are all these God-given laws for you”? (Using the plural.) The second son asks: “what is all this work for you”? (Again, plural.) So why is the first child answered in a civil way (even called “wise”), while the second child is scolded (and called “wicked”)?

When faced with such a weird narrative, it is worth trying to switch our perspective. Perhaps these aren’t four different children at all but rather one child in four different situations – in each asking an ensuing question of his father? Let’s see how that would work.

The first two questions employ the word “mah” that has two possible meanings: 1- “<em>mah zeh</em>?” (what is this?); 2- “madu’ah?” (why?). The son sees the various rituals that his father is performing, not something often seen, and because he’s smart, he asks “why are you doing things this way?” Unfortunately, the father understands the word “mah” as “what” – so he answers the “what” question: “Here’s a list of all you need to know about the Jewish way of doing things….”

But the boy hadn’t asked a “what” question; it was a “why” query – perhaps the most important question anyone, of any age, can ask. So having received a catalogue of rules, the child now explains his original question. “No, what I meant was: “tell me the meaning of these customs of yours.”

The father is now embarrassed because he hasn’t thought very deeply about why he does what he does as a Jew. So he declares the question offensive, scolding the questioner – now calling this “second” child (so to speak) “an evil son.”

The poor child is now very confused, becoming the “third son”, asking as a simpleton: “What’s this? What did I say to deserve such bad treatment?”

The father’s answer comes straight from Exodus 13, verse 14: “With a strong hand God took you out of Egypt.” How is this an answer? The father is making a parallelism: just like God used authoritative force against Pharaoh, I too am the authority here, so don’t question me!
The poor (4th type of) child has now been taught not to ask questions, literally: “doesn’t know how to ask question (the right way).”

If this general interpretation holds water, what’s the overall message? How is it connected to the Seder? The answer: a bit later in the Haggadah (before the meal) we read from Exodus: “Tell your son on that day…”. How? Perhaps the word “tell” (ve’higadatah) means that the father should start over again. Maybe, but that avoids a key word: after the 4 Sons, the Haggadah states “at petakh lo” using the feminine word for “you open up to him (the son)”. In short, it’s now the Mother’s turn to do it right!

How? By starting a serious dialogue with the child to encourage “why” questions. Men tend to be “authoritarian” in their approach to children’s education; women are more “open” (petakh) to teaching through discussion with their child.

So the mother returns to something the father said – “because of this, God took us out of Egypt.” What’s this “this”? The reason our ancestors were freed –
why people everywhere yearn to be free: to be able to ask the most human of questions: “Why?”

Slaves are not allowed to ask such questions. Being free means that a person is entitled to ask such questions – precisely what the Five Rabbis were doing all night, in the story that directly precedes the “4 Sons”! The father missed this message; the mother didn’t.

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And then there’s quite a different way to understand the 4 Sons, this time as a “generational saga” warning us about the dangers of assimilation, perhaps especially regarding Diaspora life. With proper Jewish education, the first generation is “wise” (regarding Jewish ways). However, if and when Jewish education is not continued for the second generation, those children look askance at Judaism as if it were some weird, foreign religion (evil eye), not relevant to anyone trying to become “a proper citizen in the new country.”

The third generation, more comfortable in its “new civic clothes,” does seek its roots, but unfortunately doesn’t know enough except to ask the questions in simple fashion about his familial traditions. The fourth generation, then, doesn’t even know enough to ask any questions at all.

Why think that such an interpretation of the 4 Sons is valid? Because the entire Haggadah is about escaping from bondage – not only from physical slavery in Egypt but also (perhaps especially) from the spiritual emptiness of living in a foreign land and culture. It took forty years to successfully remove the Egyptian mentality from the Israelites (recall the Golden Calf, despite all the miracles they had witnessed).

The Haggadah was written in embryonic form in the Land of Israel during the Mishnaic Period – when “competition” had begun between the rabbis in Israel and those in Babylonia. It is possible that the generational “sons” was a subtle way to warn Jews remaining in the Land of Israel to stay put. It certainly would have reinforced the new post-Temple emphasis on Jewish learning and scholarship.

In the final analysis, what’s important at the Seder is what each and every one of us brings to the Haggadah. So please feel “free” to interpret away!