The Homecoming

Often we need to go back in order to go forward, learning from our past.This is particularly pertinent in understanding what may seem to be a small detail in this week’s portion of Vayishalch, but with the benefit more bidding of hindsight, the event suddenly takes on enormous significance.

Our re- view will begin with the urgency and expeditious plans for Jacob’s escape from the murderous plans of his brother Esau, following the revelation that Jacob had (living up or down to his name… וַֽיַּעְקְבֵ֙נִי֙ זֶ֣ה פַעֲמַ֔יִם) deceived his brother out of the birthright and then out of his blessing. Still as the driving force of the events, Rebecca outlines what Jacob must do. He is instructed to flee to Lavan, listen again to the staggering language as she continues, 27:45;

עַד־שׁ֨וּב אַף־אָחִ֜יךָ מִמְּךָ֗ וְשָׁכַח֙ אֵ֣ת אֲשֶׁר־עָשִׂ֣יתָ לּ֔וֹ וְשָׁלַחְתִּ֖י וּלְקַחְתִּ֣יךָ מִשָּׁ֑ם לָמָ֥ה אֶשְׁכַּ֛ל גַּם־שְׁנֵיכֶ֖ם י֥וֹם אֶחָֽד׃

until your brother’s anger against you subsides—and he forgets what you have done to him. Then I will fetch you from there. Let me not lose you both in one day!”

…Then I will bring you home, I love you, stay strong… The anguish of a mother leaving and potentially losing her child is palpable and tragically familiar.

Astonishingly Rebecca then spins a totally different explanation to Isaac for why Jacob must leave. It has no mention of Esau being the cause, rather the fear that he might marry a Hittite woman. He therefore must leave to find a match from Padan-aram. At this point Isaac congruously takes the lead, and enjoins Jacob to, 28:2

ק֥וּם לֵךְ֙ פַּדֶּ֣נָֽה אֲרָ֔ם בֵּ֥יתָה בְתוּאֵ֖ל אֲבִ֣י אִמֶּ֑ךָ וְקַח־לְךָ֤ מִשָּׁם֙ אִשָּׁ֔ה מִבְּנ֥וֹת לָבָ֖ן אֲחִ֥י אִמֶּֽךָ׃

Up, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel, your mother’s father, and take a wife there from among the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother.

As the curtain falls we wait in anticipation for the reunion of Jacob, with wife, with his parents Rebecca and Isaac, it is after all just going to be יָמִ֣ים אֲחָדִ֑ים an exquisite phrase employed by Rebecca to describe the brief time that Jacob spend with Laban until the anger of Esua subsides. The term re-appears in this week’s portion too, 29:2, when Jacob agrees to work additional time to gain the hand of Rachel. After Lavan cheated him by switching the bride to Leah, Here too the meaning is a few days, or a short while. Two weeks, in terms of the parshiot  but many many years later, the reunion or homecoming occurs in an enigmatic and distressing manner in the closing scenes of Vayishlach, 35:27. Note how it is recorded,

וַיָּבֹ֤א יַעֲקֹב֙ אֶל־יִצְחָ֣ק אָבִ֔יו מַמְרֵ֖א קִרְיַ֣ת הָֽאַרְבַּ֑ע הִ֣וא חֶבְר֔וֹן אֲשֶׁר־גָּֽר־שָׁ֥ם אַבְרָהָ֖ם וְיִצְחָֽק׃

And Jacob came to his father Isaac at Mamre, at Kiriath-arba—now Hebron—where Abraham and Isaac had sojourned.

Where was his mother Rebecca who assured him that she would bring him home?Tragically, nothing is said about her, nor is her death ever reported. The homecoming reunion never occurred. Isaac his father was possibly already on his deathbed, there is no account of any conversation. Was this delay intentional? We read of the various breaks on the journey, some involving dramatic exchanges with God, but if his grandfather Abraham could put God on hold for unexpected and unknown guests, could Jacob not have done the same for…his parents? Why was he almost deliberately making the journey home so arduously slow, with pit stops that the commentaries are also bewildered by?

Once again we are witness to an agonizingly dysfunctional family. Jacob carries deep trauma in his attempt to reconcile the guile he was urged to use. He meets his match more in Lavan than his wives who deceives him, cynically arguing that it is not our way to forestall the younger before the older. 

He is able to placate his brother Esau, but the ability to do so with his parents eludes him. In as much as we are familiar with the iconic cries of Rachel for her children רחל מבכה על בניה the silent cries of Rebecca are equally if not even more excruciating. We too cry for these missed opportunities and as such remain all the more determined to ensure meaningful homecomings for those that we so miss. #BringThemHomeNow.