The importance of having someone to talk to
It’s vital to have that one person to talk to. No self-censorship. The right person can show us a dramatically different perspective on things, even changing our life in the process. What are the criteria ensuring we talk to the right person and avoid letting someone who doesn’t deserve it into our lives and can only cause problems? Here’s my take, based on my eclectic experiences. Make of it what you will.
We’re not looking for deprogrammers who are going to try to change our beliefs, whatever these beliefs happen to be. We’re not looking for people trying to convert us. We’re looking for people who are willing to exchange views in an open and honest manner, ensuring these exchanges never see the light of day. Gossipers, snitches, and other sketchy types, need not apply. It’s vital not to take people for granted. Most people don’t want to get involved. Most people don’t want to hear a litany of someone else’s problems. We must respect their choice. If they say, ”Not interested,” we must cease and desist. Nobody is entitled to your time and energy, unless they pay for it. Free emotional labor is what all sorts of manipulators and energy vampires are looking for to leech off of your energy. Tell them to get lost. You’re not their psychic ATM.
Now, let’s look at therapists. They impact the very core of our psyche. They have access to our innermost psyche sanctum behind all the masks we put on, project, and show off to the world. Now, an incompetent therapist can be a source of huge problems. Same with priests, rabbis, and so on, who sometimes don’t know what they are talking about but parents and others listen to them because they are authority figures. They should know, no, they must know what’s best – for they are the erudites here to enlighten and preach to the great unwashed. As long as the authority figure is sensible, great, but not everyone is so lucky. It’s hard to tell who’s a good therapist and who’s a terrible therapist. You will know them by their fruit (Matthew 7:16). The mind isn’t the same as plumbing where you just know if the problem’s been fixed or not. No room for interpretation. There either is a leak or there isn’t. Things are much more complex, endlessly so, with the mind. We need to use our best judgment and not blindly trust the therapist or some other authority figure, especially if we’re told that our child is impaired in some way. It’s good to ask another mental health professional for their opinion then. An outsider is a good choice. Sure, she or he won’t have a good grasp of the group’s dynamics or our situation at first but that’s going to change later on.
The best person to talk to ought to be someone removed from our world. Someone who won’t harshly judge us every five seconds. Someone who has no bias because they don’t know us. That’s why so many of us open up to strangers on the plane. Strangers we’re never going to see again. It can also be someone who used to be in our world but has since severed all ties and is now in a different frame of mind. We also don’t want a crusader or an activist because they often virtue signal and will use the suffering of others to further their social score. Someone balanced and discreet, not easily shocked, someone who can appreciate the gravity of the situation, whatever that situation is like, is the best. ”I’d suggest talking to law enforcement about this,” makes much more sense than some guy going guns blazing.
Sometimes, all it takes to make someone feel safe and valued is to tell them or make them feel like they are loved. That’s all it takes. They don’t have to interact with us. They don’t have to really know us. In fact, it’s even better that way at times, when they have a certain image of us rather than who we truly are. The sheer realization of being valued by someone out there is enough for them to feel their inner strength to deal with life’s challenges.
Jack Reacher said, ”In an investigation, assumptions kill.” Indeed, the same applies to people. Let’s not automatically assume someone is the right person to talk to. Let’s not take someone for granted. We’ve got to test them out first. Talk to them. Then, and only then, will we know. Case in point, Dexter Morgan miscalculated by assuming Angel Batista was going to help him take out Leon Prater the billionaire along with his henchman. Morgan narrated about Angel, ”We were partners once, maybe we can be partners again” as he cut right through Batista’s restraints. Plot twist, Batista lunged at Dexter and almost choked him to death, only to be shot several times in the back by Prater the billionaire. Morgan rightly concluded, ”So much for cooperation.” Now Angel ”la pasion” Batista is known as ”la passed on.” The butt of jokes. He should’ve enjoyed his la pension in Miami. Maybe he could’ve set up a salsa school or a cha-cha school, for that matter, even the demons in the Hebrew Hell might’ve gotten curious. Unfortunately for Angel, he is now the dumbest TV character of 2025, all because of misplaced anger and lack of foresight, consumed by the burning and demented desire for revenge on Dexter that got him killed.
Secret services. It’s always possible your confidant could be one of them. I remember a Polish stand-up comedian. ”You come across someone and wonder – is this a coincidence or are they in intelligence? Look at that traffic circle. That black car driving past you? I sure as heck hope this is just coincidence because if that’s the level of competence of our intel services, I saw all of them from a mile away.” Cue Inspector Gadget theme. Amen.
