The Key to Reconciliation and Peace

Imagine the pain, betrayal, and anger you would feel if those who were closest to you turned against you, battered you, and then sold you to slavers who took you far from home and placed you into years of servitude. Decades later, you encounter them again, but now the wheels of fortune have turned and you are in a position of power and they are in desperate need of your help. What is the likelihood that you would simply let bygones be bygones, forgive completely, and with a full heart, provide them with their needs?

Perhaps there are those of us who could rise above our feelings of rage, resentment, and revenge in such a case and treat our siblings with mercy though they treated us mercilessly. Yet the notion of holding no grudge seems almost impossible. Indeed, it might even seem inhuman.

Torah tells us that “no man stood with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers” (Genesis 45:1). Yet we know that this is not the case. For even as Joseph had preceded his revelation with the commandment that everyone else should leave the room – “every man should leave from before me” – there were still 11 men with him, i.e. his brothers. What, then, does the verse mean that “no man stood with him”?

A similar question has been asked in parshas Vayishlash regarding the verse “Jacob remained alone, and a man wrestled with him until dawn” (Genesis 32:25). If Jacob was “alone” then who was the “man” with whom he wrestled? The Zohar suggests that since the verse attests that he was alone, we can understand that the “man” that he was fighting was none other than himself.

Similarly with Joseph, we can suggest that as he prepared to reveal his true identity to his brothers, his command that “every MAN should leave before me” was self-directed. In order to to achieve the complete forgiveness that he desired to grant his brothers, he would need to send his self away. He banished his ego completely, to the extent that “no MAN stood with him,” and he was therefore able to make his true Godly essence, which is beyond human self-interest, known to his brothers.

The immediate result was that his brothers “could not answer him for they were shamed from his presence” (Genesis 45:3). The Hebrew is “ki nivhalu mipanav,” which literally means “they trembled from his face.” When one is exposed to the “panim/face” or “pnimyus/ innermost essence” of another, it is a moment of such unbridled truth that it is shocking and stunning. We are not used to dealing with one another at such a naked and genuine level. It disarms us and leaves us speechless, because no words can suffice at such a moment. Joseph therefore says “please come closer to me, and they drew closer” (ibid 45:4). With nothing standing between them, no egos bumping up against one another, they could truly draw close to one another and unite in a way that they never had before.

Conflict is rampant, and reconciliation is not easy. But Joseph teaches us that it is possible. We can overcome our biases, our differences, and our deep-seated and sometimes justifiable resentment. To do so, we begin by sending away “every man from before,” that is, by working to overcome our ego. Thereby, we will be able to reconcile with our alienated loved ones and, with God’s help and blessing, to reunite with all of His children, our entire extended family worldwide.

— Pnei Hashem is an introduction to the deepest depths of the human experience based on the esoteric teachings of Torah.  www.pneihashem.com