The Man Behind Operation Protective Edge

Since the outbreak of Protective Edge lots of theories have been flying around as to what is the true political motive behind this. Some say Bibi encouraged this because he doesn’t want peace or because he wants better approval ratings. Some say Hamas is trying to reassert their power over a demographic whose support is waning.  But do you know what my crazy conspiracy theory is about the force behind OPE?

Putin.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Ever since he invaded Crimea, he has had his eyes set on all of the Ukraine.  Hell, he probably wants to get the old Bloc back together.  But Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will the USSR 2.0. So he has to find a way to slowly rebuild his empire in a world where the Geneva Convention exists. Because, you know, the modern world frowns upon conquering an existing peoples. So, how can he reassemble the puzzle that was once a formidable world power without anyone noticing?

By spearheading Operation Protective Edge.

Phase one: Hamas starts lobbing rockets in our general direction.  Maybe he gives them money, maybe he doesn’t; the world will never know. But maybe he does. I mean, everybody else is, so why the heck not?

Phase two:  He then goes to Bibi, rubbing in his face that the Human Rights Committee didn’t call a single hearing during his Crimean land grab. His army is an occupying force, no one is saying anything, and Israel is getting all sorts of flak for occupying Gaza, an area which, in actuality, is not being occupied.  Not even a little.

So, we have terrorists with rockets and money for more rockets.  We have Bibi wondering if maybe they snipped too much off at the bris. And Putin looking to distract everyone so that he can take over the world. I mean Ukraine. A trifecta, if you will. Basically what I’m saying is that this is a perfect opportunity for an awkwardly named operation (seriously, who has that job?).

Now, Putin is no schlump.  There are pictures of dead Gazan babies that are drawing ratings all over the news. The media, the UN, the EU, the US, the Arab League, Turkey – did I forget to invite someone to the party? I can’t keep track anymore – all blame the IDF. Jews are defending themselves, so the HRC has to call a hearing every three days because heaven forbid Israel return fire. Even though Syria has already starved nearly 150,000 Palestinians to death, stam because they’re Palestinians. The same exact demographic that the Israelis are fighting, because they started it, and we don’t like rockets landing in our mirpeset. And I don’t see the HRC’s panties all in a twist about that.

But I digress.

Kitzur, what does this all mean? It means that the single thing on everyone’s minds is the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Putin knows no one will bother to even notice when the Russian army invades the Ukraine, claims it in the name of Mother Russia, and tells all who are living there that they are lucky to be alive. I don’t know why everyone keeps complaining about a double standard.

Seriously, though. Putin.