The Blogs: The Old Man Dies: Parshat Va-yechi

Michael Graetz Surrounded by Loving Children

It is ironic that this week’s parsha is called Va-yechi Yaakov, “And Jacob Lived”, when most of the parsha is about Jacob’s death. This is similar to the fact that Hayei Sarah “Sarah’s Lives” was mostly about the preparations that Abraham made for the burial place for his wife. Jacob’s legacy is interesting. We saw last week that Jacob brought his entire family down to Egypt and had his dramatic reunion with his beloved son Joseph. They were given the choice fertile land in Goshen, in the Eastern Nile Delta—which is presumably, not around the corner from Pharaoh’s court where Joseph lives. The brothers and his father are kept apart from the rest of the Egyptians, because “all shepherds are distasteful to them” (Genesis 46:34). At the age of 147, after living in Egypt for 17 years, Jacob summons Joseph:

And when the time approached for Israel to die, he summoned his son Joseph and said to him, “Do me this favor, place your hand under my thigh as a pledge of your steadfast loyalty: please do not bury me in Egypt” (Genesis 47:29).

He makes him swear and Joseph does so, and then:

Some time afterward, Joseph was told, “Your father is ill.” So, he took with him his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. When Jacob was told, “Your son Joseph has come to see you,” Israel summoned his strength and sat up in bed.

He tells Joseph that his sons will replace Reuben and Simeon in importance and they will now be part of the twelve tribes. Thus Joseph’s family in the future gets a double inheritance, and it is his brother Levi who is displaced, the one who will not be a tribe with land in the future.

Now, your two sons, who were born to you in the land of Egypt before I came to you in Egypt, shall be mine; Ephraim and Manasseh shall be mine no less than Reuben and Simeon. But progeny born to you after them shall be yours; they shall be recorded instead of their brothers in their inheritance.

Like his father Isaac, Jacob blesses his children on his deathbed:

So he blessed them that day, saying, “By you shall Israel invoke blessings, saying: God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh.”. יְשִֽׂמְךָ֣ אֱלֹהִ֔ים כְּאֶפְרַ֖יִם וְכִמְנַשֶּׁ֑ה Yesimcha Elohim ke-Efraim ve-che-menassheh.

This is the blessing with which a father blesses his sons at the Friday night table. And he follows this with the priestly blessing, birkhat ha-cohanim: יברכך ה’ וישמרך–Yevarechecha Adonai Ve-Yishmerecha. For each child, the father uses both hands on the head of the child and usually, the birth order is followed. If there are girls in the family, the father blesses them with the blessing partially based on Ruth 4:11, in which the townspeople bless Boaz by saying “may G-d make your new bride like Rachel and Leah, the two of whom built the House of Israel.” Yesimech Elohim ke-Sarah, Rivka, Rahel ve-Leah, and this is also followed by the priestly blessing:

May God bless you and watch over you.

May God shine His face toward you and show you favor.

May God be favorably disposed toward you,

And may He grant you peace.

Until now, it was my husband, who blessed the children (even when they were adults) at the Friday night table. We had planned for an ingathering of the family at the end of December. Unfortunately, Michael died before then. Last Shabbat, when we were all together for the sheloshim, the first time since my husband died, I did the blessing. We all cried, because we remembered how he blessed the three of them in the hospital, his last Friday—my son recording, sitting next to him at his bedside, and my two daughters on zoom. And now it was my turn to bless them. Because it was an emotional moment for me, I stumbled over the blessing which I know so well. We do not have the opportunity to be together that often and we will have to wait until Passover for the next time, when I will be the one blessing my adult children. When a parent places their hands on their children’s heads and recites these ancient words it is the traditional way of saying, “I love you.” We have the last video clip of Michael haltingly (with help from us all) reciting the blessing for the last time. The love in his eyes is evident.

Michael Graetz blessing his daughters on Whatsapp

While writing this, I was reminded of Tevyeh’s blessing of his children in Fiddler on the Roof. I found the following clip which ends with Jerry Bock’s lyrics and his version of the priestly blessing:

May the Lord protect and defend you,

May He always shield you from shame,

May you come to be in years full well a shining name.

May you be like Ruth and like Esther,

May you be deserving of praise,

Strengthen them o Lord and keep them from the stranger’s way.

May God bless you and grant you long life (may the Lord fulfill our sabbath prayer for you),

May God make you good mothers and wives (may He send you husbands who will care for you).

May the Lord protect and defend you,

May the Lord preserve you from pain,

Favor them o Lord with happiness and peace,

O hear our sabbath prayer, Amen.