‘The Pilgrim’s Progress’ and its little known sequel, ‘Solly’s Journey’
Readers of John Bunyan’s guide to the good life for Christians, ‘The Pilgrim’s Progress’, will know it as a long allegory charting the journey of a young man aptly named Christian, who runs away from his home town, a place steeped in sin and accordingly earmarked for destruction, to seek eternal happiness in the City of Zion, widely advertised as heavenly.
After many adventures and much tsoress, Christian eventually staggers through the gates of this city, bloodied and bedraggled, where he is welcomed with open wings by hosts and hostesses of angels escorted by an assortment of cherubim and cherubot. His wife and children follow in his footsteps to join him in their new abode, known in the missionary lexicon as the Hotel of the Happy Ending, managed by the local saviour.
Christian’s journey, as you might have gathered, is far from smooth. On the way, he is waylaid by many disreputable characters with names like Mr Worldly Wise (who tries to convince him that it is possible to be good without believing in you-know-who) and Mr Money-Love (who pleads with him to forget about his mission and open a bank account with Messers Greed and Lust Inc). Further along the road, he nearly tumbles headlong into a foul ditch, signposted ‘Slough of Despond – Danger! Keep out!’ And narrowly avoids a muddy grave.
Other obstacles en route include encounters with the monstrous Giant Despair, who detains him for a while in his fortress, Doubting Castle, and Apollyon, a demon with an anger management problem, who tries unsuccessfully to hack him to pieces. Apollyon, who is actually an agent of Satan, only manages to wound Christian and finally flaps away, roaring in dismay, when Christian brandishes the sword of Christ at him. With the help of friends like Evangelist and Faithful, Christian survives to tell the tale.
What not a lot of people know is that Christian has a Jewish counterpart, a Yeshiva bocher named Solly, who likewise undertakes a journey in search of the Promised Land, carrying only his Siddur, a tallis bag and a bottle of vitamin pills.
Solly has been brought up in the finest traditions of Judaism. He davens regularly, avoids bacon sandwiches as if they contain a tapeworm, banishes lustful thoughts at least two or three times a day, and studies the Talmud for the rest of the time in order to gain a better understanding of life, the universe and everything including Marcia Klugman, who lives opposite him.
One day, on his way to the Talmud Torah, Solly bumps into a couple who come from the same shtetl as his parents, a certain Mr and Mrs Narriskeit, who are keen to introduce him to their daughter Popke. They invite him over to tea, where Popke displays her charms and her BA certificate (with a major in Modern Dance Music). Solly’s parents, however, tell him that he is too young to settle down and that he must first travel abroad to broaden his mind and learn how to make a living.
So Solly sets out on his travels, warmly dressed and filled with koach and pletzlach. By the roadside he encounters a sorry-looking character who introduces himself as Mr Menuval. He informs Solly that he has taken the wrong road, and that for a small fee he will show him the right road. Fortunately, Solly is saved from descending down that road, which leads to the swamp of Mechuleh by a certain Kluge Yung, who has witnessed the whole transaction and delivers Mr Menuval a frask in ponim which sends him howling all the way to the nearest Accident and Emergency centre.
Solly and his new-found friend continue on the journey together, avoiding offer of lifts to the Promised Land by dubious characters like Mr Luftmensch, who has a vehicle number plate registered in Cloud-Cuckoo-Land, and Mr Shikkur, who smells of Palwyn Number 5 wine.
In need of rest and sustenance before the final stretch, they book themselves into a bed and breakfast place run by a Mrs Bobbemeise, who entertains them into the early hours with cautionary tales of what to eat and what not to eat.
And here a strange transformation occurs: the friendship between Solly and Kluge Yung blossoms overnight into something deeper and more radiant. Solly’s journey ends with a ceremony at which the union of the young couple is solemnised by Rabbi Unterhuizen of the United Reformed Synagogue of the Holy Communion, and the curtain comes down just as it starts to rain.
Unlike the story of Christian, which has only one ending, the story of Solly has two endings and readers are left to choose the one they prefer.
In the first ending, aimed more at the older reader, Solly’s parents are seen to be suffering from a severe case of Repetitive Strain Injury due to constant hand wringing, while Solly himself is admitted to hospital because of bowel problems attributed to fardroos.
In the second ending, Solly and Kluge Yung live a life blessed with simchas and naches without ever having entered the Promised Land. There are separate prayers and brochas for each of these scenarios but the reader is cautioned not get them mixed up.
