The real war and how we write the rest of the story

Things happen so fast here in Israel that is impossible to process one momentous event before being thrown into another.

On Monday, erev Simchat Torah, we watched the news from 7:30 a.m. until it was time to shower for the holiday, about nine hours later.

We cried as we watched families reunited, as the hostages we prayed for emerged out of the tunnels of hell. We worried as we saw others not yet released used as media pawns by the masked and armed terrorists at their sides.

We marveled at a US president so invested in the release of the captives and the end of the war that he flew to be here for the occasion. We cried for those who would not be returning home alive, whose families still wait as Hamas plays games with the remains of the fallen hostages.

All the reunions, all the hug, all the parental keening cries of joy and relief, the couples reunited, all the hearts made whole… put some of the pieces of this broken nation back together.

And of course (of course!), we still don’t all agree. Of course, there are those who believe we cannot celebrate until every Israeli is out of Gaza — alive and dead. And of course, there are others who grab every opportunity to celebrate, even when that celebration cannot truly be whole.

I felt this very deeply on Tuesday night, as I went to Hostages Square for HaKafot Shniyot, the traditional public dancing with the Torah that takes place in Israel after the one day of Simchat Torah ends. Some felt it was wrong to dance there — that until every body is returned, we must not dance. Others felt a profound need to dance, to sing, to praise, to be together, to pray for the final 24 (at that time) to come home.

Still others stood in the back, holding signs and not dancing, wondering how suddenly their holy space became filled with religious Jews. And I felt torn because I did not want to hurt anyone with my presence and, though we prayed for the return of the hostages and sang with wounded soldiers and bereaved parents, some people saw it as an inapproriate thing to do.

Personally, I found resonance in what Rachel Goldberg-Polin said: “There is a time to sob and a time to dance and we have to do both right now.”

And all of these things are very Jewish. We have a long long history of not agreeing on exactly how to do things — I’m fairly certain there are 7.5 years worth of learning on this subject. But we must learn from the two who rarely agreed, but always respected one another: we must judge the other favorably, and stop assuming that what they do is out of malice or hatred, Hillel never thought Shammai was trying to humiliate him or argue out of hatred. And Shammai would never shame Hillel for his opinion or way of thinking. I see too much distrust, too much hatred, too much suspicion of the other in our society…

But if a mother of a soldier (Laly Derai lost her son, Saadya z”l), who died to bring back hostages, can smile with joy today, can watch the reunions with unfettered happiness, if she can say that what we have done in this war is a tikkun, a repairing of the sin of Cain who answered, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” when God asked Cain where his slain brother was… if she can do all of these things (see the video), then certainly those of us who are not personally bereft can too.

Certainly, we must see each other as brothers (siblings), and not as the enemy, or even as someone for whom we are not responsible, If the past few years, or your political stance, or your religious beliefs do not allow for that brotherhood — if you insist on seeing a negative motivation or source for the things that others do that you don’t like — perhaps it is time to step back.

Perhaps it’s time to listen… Clear your cache. Take the time to take a look and say, “Have I been doing the things that I demand from others or am I doing to others the things I find hateful? Am I able to see the source of someone else’s fear or do I deny their pain?

Am I able to take it as a given that not every religious person hates me?
Am I able to recognize that not every leftist is a godless, self-hating Jew?
Am I able to acknowledge that my favorite political leader is also very, very flawed?

Can I see the good that Trump did even if I think he is a vile human being?
Am I able to understand that Bibi may have both done good things in the past two years, but is also very responsible for how we got here in the first place?

Am I still reading this post despite the last few sentences? And if not, why not?”

We have a long way to go, the external war may be over (and it may not be) but our internal struggles have not gone away. We have done a lot of good. We have stood up for one another. Israeli civil society has stepped up in unprecedented ways… But we have a long way to go and we must take the journey together.

Each and every person reading this post needs to ask, “What am I going to do to end this war among us? What am I going to do to step a little closer to the middle? How am I going to change my behavior just a little bit so that someone else can meet me halfway? What part am I going to play in this story still being written?”