The Blogs: The Teshuva of Nitzavim and the Teshuva of Rosh Hashana

My Oceanside community was all very polite to me last Shabbat. On the way home from shul, Yael turned to me and asked if I realized that during my drasha I had kept saying there was a suicide bombing, when in fact it had been a shooting that claimed the lives of six Israelis. She said a few people had mentioned it to her, but no one wanted to tell me directly. Apparently, I made that mistake more than once during the drasha.

Of course, I knew it was a shooting. But somehow, when I was writing and when I was speaking, the words “suicide bombing” kept coming out of my mouth. When I got home, I kept thinking to myself, what’s wrong with me?

After Shabbat, I did some research. I found out there’s actually a name for what I was experiencing: old age! Actually, I found out that I was experiencing something called habitual association. My mind had reflexively chosen that phrase, not because it was right, but because it was the one most deeply ingrained in me. Maybe it’s connected to trauma, maybe it’s just years of living with those headlines – but when I think about terrorism, my brain automatically reaches for “suicide bombing.”

And then it struck me. I’m not the only one who does this. All of us live with these kinds of habitual associations. Just as my mind reached automatically for the wrong words, so too our actions and reactions often follow ingrained patterns. We speak without thinking, we fall back into the same habits, we react in ways that don’t really reflect who we want to be.

That, in many ways, is what teshuva is about. It’s about noticing those reflexes, catching ourselves in the moments when we are simply repeating old patterns. And then it’s about retraining our minds and hearts – replacing those old reflexes with new ones that reflect our best selves.

Teshuva is not just about correcting mistakes; it’s about creating new instincts. So that when life presses us, when we react without thinking, what comes out is not the old reflex, but the new one – the one shaped by the person we are becoming. And that is what makes teshuva so powerful: the ability to transform not only what we do, but who we are, at the deepest level.

But how do we do that? This week’s parsha talks a lot about teshuva:

וְהָיָה֩ כִֽי־יָבֹ֨אוּ עָלֶ֜יךָ כָּל־הַדְּבָרִ֣ים הָאֵ֗לֶּה הַבְּרָכָה֙ וְהַקְּלָלָ֔ה אֲשֶׁ֥ר נָתַ֖תִּי לְפָנֶ֑יךָ וַהֲשֵׁבֹתָ֙ אֶל־ לְבָבֶ֔ךָ בְּכָל־הַגּוֹיִ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֧ר הִדִּיחֲךָ֛ יְקֹוָ֥ק אֱ-לֹהֶ֖יךָ שָֽׁמָּה:

“When all these things befall you – the blessing and the curse that I have set before you – and you take them to heart amidst the various nations to which your God Hashem has banished you,”

וְשַׁבְתָּ֞ עַד־יְקֹוָ֤ק אֱ–לֹהֶ֙יךָ֙ וְשָׁמַעְתָּ֣ בְקֹל֔וֹ כְּכֹ֛ל אֲשֶׁר־אָנֹכִ֥י מְצַוְּךָ֖ הַיּ֑וֹם אַתָּ֣ה וּבָנֶ֔יךָ בְּכָל־ לְבָבְךָ֖ וּבְכָל־נַפְשֶֽׁךָ:

“and you return to your God Hashem, and you and your children heed God’s command with all your heart and soul, just as I enjoin upon you this day.”

Two different formulations of teshuva: “v’hashevota el levavecha” – returning to your heart, and “v’shavta ad Hashem Elokecha” – returning to God. The Vilna Gaon explains that these two reflect two different types of teshuva: teshuva in the heart and teshuva in actions. First, v’hashevota el levavecha – we must retrain our inner reflexes, our heart. Just as I reflexively wrote “suicide bombing” out of habit, our moral and spiritual “default settings” can push us toward the wrong responses. Teshuva means deliberately interrupting those reflexes and returning our hearts to God. Once we realign our hearts, then v’shavta ad Hashem – we can return to Him fully in action.

But here’s the thing. This is not the first time we encounter “v’hashevota el levavecha.” We say it every day in Aleinu:

וְיָדַעְתָּ֣ הַיּ֗וֹם וַהֲשֵׁבֹתָ֘ אֶל־לְבָבֶךָ֒ כִּ֤י יְקֹוָק֙ ה֣וּא הָֽאֱלֹהִ֔ים בַּשָּׁמַ֣יִם מִמַּ֔עַל וְעַל־הָאָ֖רֶץ מִתָּ֑חַת אֵ֖ין עֽוֹד.

“And you will know today and take it to heart that Hashem is God in Heaven above and on the earth below – there is none else.”

Yehoshua, the author of Aleinu, borrowed this pasuk from Parshat Va’etchanan. At the end of Moshe’s life, he tells Bnei Yisrael: v’yadata hayom v’hashevota el levavecha – know it, and take it to heart, and keep Hashem’s mitzvot.

But notice the difference. In Parshat Nitzavim, the Torah introduces the teshuva with:

“When all these things befall you – the blessing and the curse that I have set before you – and you take them to heart amidst the various nations to which your God Hashem has banished you.”

Where are we doing teshuva? In galut, in exile, when we are being persecuted by the other nations. In Parshat Nitzavim, teshuva is motivated by curses, by exile, by suffering, by antisemitism that forces us to remember who we are. That is a teshuva born of pressure and pain. But in Parshat Va’etchanan and in Aleinu, teshuva comes from love. The Torah introduces this teshuva with

וְתַ֗חַת כִּ֤י אָהַב֙ אֶת־אֲבֹתֶ֔יךָ וַיִּבְחַ֥ר בְּזַרְע֖וֹ אַחֲרָ֑יו וַיּוֹצִֽאֲךָ֧ בְּפָנָ֛יו בְּכֹח֥וֹ הַגָּדֹ֖ל מִמִּצְרָֽיִם׃

“And having loved your ancestors, [God] chose their heirs after them; [God] personally – in great, divine might – led you out of Egypt,”

לְהוֹרִ֗ישׁ גּוֹיִ֛ם גְּדֹלִ֧ים וַעֲצֻמִ֛ים מִמְּךָ֖ מִפָּנֶ֑יךָ לַהֲבִֽיאֲךָ֗ לָֽתֶת־לְךָ֧ אֶת־אַרְצָ֛ם נַחֲלָ֖ה כַּיּ֥וֹם הַזֶּֽה׃

“to drive from your path nations greater and more populous than you, to take you into their land and assign it to you as a heritage, as is still the case.”

The teshuva here comes from the awareness of God’s kindness, His love for our ancestors, His redemption from Egypt, His gift of the land. In that context, v’hashevota el levavecha is not driven by fear or hatred of others – it is driven by love, gratitude, and closeness to Hashem.

Which teshuva is the teshuva of Rosh Hashana? The teshuva of Nitzavim or the teshuva of Alenu? On Rosh Hashanah, as we begin to prepare for teshuva, we do not emphasize the antisemitism of Nitzavim. We emphasize the love of Va’etchanan. Rosh Hashanah is about malchiyot – declaring Hashem our King, recognizing His love, His presence, and our relationship with Him. That is the teshuva of the heart that inspires action.

And it’s more than just teshuva – it’s the source of our Jewish pride. Does our pride only come from responding to antisemites on social media? Yes, we must respond and yasher koach to all those who fight the important fight on social media to defend the Jewish people from the antisemites – but that is not where our pride should be rooted. Our Jewish pride should not be nourished by fighting the Squad, Tucker Carlson, Candace Owen and the UN on social media. Our Jewish pride must be nourished by something far deeper: by opening up a siddur, by opening up a chumash, by the privilege of standing before Hashem in prayer, by immersing ourselves in Torah, by living the life of mitzvot that binds us to Him in love.

May this Rosh Hashanah inspire us not only to correct our mistakes, not only to push back against those who hate us, but to take to heart – v’hashevota el levavecha—that Hashem is our God, that we are His people, and that our truest reflex should always be love, gratitude, and pride in our relationship with Him.

And so, if I could so easily slip into the wrong word out of habit, then perhaps this year we can all train ourselves to slip – just as easily, just as naturally – into the right words, the right actions, the right reflexes: reflexes of teshuva, reflexes of faith, and reflexes of love for Hashem.