The Torah’s Timeless Insight: Love Takes Time-A Torah Take on Emotional Generosity

Real Giving Begins With Listening:  A Torah Take on Emotional Generosity

This publication is dedicated by Rabbi Sruli Schochet from Los Angeles, California, in memory of his late father לע”נ הרב יעקב עמנואל בן הרב דוב יהודה ע”ה

If you have 30 seconds

The Torah tells us (Deuteronomy 15:8) to help the poor person with “whatever he is lacking.” The Sages go even further — if he once had servants or a horse to ride, and they were essential to maintaining his dignity, we are obligated to restore those too. It’s not just about his survival. It’s about his humanity.

This mirrors modern relationship wisdom from The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. He teaches us that love should be expressed in the way the other person needs, not how we prefer to give it. Whether it’s words, time, service, gifts, or touch, what matters most is listening to their need.

Torah and psychology agree: True giving is not about what you offer — it’s about what the other person is missing.

Which means — according to both the Torah and Dr. Chapman — your spouse might actually be right about feeling unloved. Now what?

If You Have Another Minute…

In Deuteronomy 15:8, we read, “You shall surely open your hand to him… sufficient for his need, whatever he is lacking.”

The Talmud (Ketubot 67b) brings this verse to life with a striking example: A once-wealthy man, now impoverished, was used to having a horse to ride and a servant to run before him. The Sages ruled that if the donor can afford it, he must restore even these seemingly luxurious elements, because for this man, they were not a luxury. It was what gave him dignity.

This reveals something profound: Tzedakah is not just about providing bread. It’s about restoring a person’s sense of identity and self-worth. Giving, in the Torah, is not transactional — it is transformational. It’s not just generosity; it’s empathic justice.

And this is not limited to financial support. It’s true in relationships too — especially in marriage.