Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

There are four completely distinct reasons for outrage about reparative therapy

There's something for everyone

Indignation and anger across the decent board about the Israeli Minister of Education claiming that Conversion Therapy, pretending to convert Gays into Straights, is a good thing. However, the reasons for the upset can be diverse but are often confused. It pays to tell them apart.

1. Liberal-minded people are angry at the suggestion that people should not be free to live any way they want. Especially the Jewish-secular population, but not only them, is riled by any suggestion that someone else will tell them what to do with their lives. Live and let live.

There is a Jewish concept of rebuke as a form of caring about your fellow whom you see is going downhill. This commandment must be done most humbly, not instigated by a lust to know better, only by concern for the other and a wish to help.

To save someone from drowning is seldom questioned by “why don’t you leave people in the water alone.” This is because we assume that the drowning person is a victim going down against their will.

However, when people, in full possession of their faculties, decide to walk a certain path, we must be very careful to intervene only to help them, not to try to impose our outlook on life and lifestyle on them.

This is extra tricky in this case, since many Gays (often “supported” by Straight loved ones) at first, don’t want to be Gay. Giving them “therapy” is like selling alcohol to alcoholics — good business but bad service. Or like preaching the Gospels to Jews who are burdened by antisemitism.

This “tolerance” often riles conservatives who then brand homosexuality as a choice, a “lifestyle.” Overlooking that Gays really have no choice.

* NB: It is not unusual that people accused of bigotry try to turn the tables and claim that they are the true victims (of political correctness) being denied liberty. As if there is or should be a right to injure vulnerable sections of the population. Free speech for Nazis, sexists, etc.? Giving equal time to liars and honest people, or to minorities and bigots, is the abuse, not the application, of Free Speech and listen to both sides.

2. Most people understand that you can’t “cure” Gay people as much as you can’t cure a Jew. You can make them hate themselves, behave like they are not part of this minority, and make them feel better for joining the oppressive majority. But at what price! And how bigoted!

For most people, it’s clear that the vast majority of Gay women and men have very little choice about their sexual orientation, just like most Straight people. They are incensed at any idea to castrate them, clip their wings, impose normalcy or abusive them in any other way for who they are.

Claiming that homosexual orientation can be cured is as untruthful and offensive as denying the Holocaust. There are those who call oppression of Gay and Trans people racism since, like skin color, this can’t be changed.

When I think about how 70 years ago 6,000,000 Jews were rounded up and shipped off for destruction to the disinterest of most world leaders and most of the Gentile populations, I’m in utter disbelieve. It is the same incredulity that strikes me when I hear intelligent people talk about Gay people is if they’re inferior, not made in G^d’s image or for a good life.

Surely, humans can choose to have sex contrary to their orientation. The Torah, very clearly, forbids that: [Man,] don’t have intercourse with a man as [you would like:] with a woman. This clearly only addresses Straight men, the Talmud explains. (By extensions, a Gay man should not have sex with a woman as [if he is or would like] with a man.) But this ability to have sex with people from either sex will not lead to the feeling of becoming one flesh — which most people can only reach with one sex.

* Note the difference between the two groups. The first says: “Let people choose!” The second: “They have no choice!” The first: “Let them have fun!” The second; “They too deserve marital bliss!” They both are right.

3. People who know Gay people are furious that people who grow up with such difficulty, brought onto them by bigotry, get victimized again, frustrated in their pursuit of happiness. You don’t tell women that they are weak and you don’t tell Gays that they are sick. It’s not helping.

Legislation in a fair society should aim at making everyone be and feel safe. Just like one should not be allowed to intimidate children, women and Jews, bullying and degrading (and “questioning”) non-Straights should be outlawed beyond doubt. The rabbis teach that G^d stands at the side of the victim, even when a righteous person pursues a villain! How much more so if the pursued one is innocent. All these accusers and pursuers of Gays are going to be so sorry — hopefully still in this world.

4. Those who know therapy know that this attempt at brainwashing is not only a very lucrative scam but also unhealthy and dangerous. Much attention goes to clients who contemplate, attempt or succeed at suicide but many more who received voices in their head impeding their natural sexuality. Often, also, many years (and much beauty) get lost before the person then starts dating and having children — often erasing a while generation (a potential grandparent becomes only a parent). This fake cruel “cure” ruined so many marriages, doomed from the start.

There are “ex-Gays” who claim that it did work for them but many more “ex-ex-Gays” who allege it didn’t. Plus those in their graves. Most of the apologists are proven to have lied for decades before coming out of the closet again. Many of them set out by lying to their “therapists” about “gains made” because they felt bad to disappoint them. Bad scene.

I don’t think that a statement against conversion therapy is enough if it doesn’t go together with acknowledging that Gays are fine as they are.

Claiming that conversion therapy works, is worse than professing that the earth is flat or that G^d is allowed to use Gravity but not Evolution. The latter two points make you look an idiot but the first point preaches that G^d wants Gay Jews to try to get “cured.” That hits extra hard since many Gay kids seem to be more spiritual than their family members.

* So, four groups of reasons: leave Gays alone (let them live), what have they ever done to anyone (they are fine the way they are), aren’t they oppressed enough (don’t oppress), and this is a perilous fraud (robbery) — four different reasons to oppose — and outlaw — reparative therapy.

And as to how to answer a fundamentalist-Jewish politician saying that he hugged Gay students who came out to him and sent some of them to conversion therapy? How about replying: “When a couple of students confided in me that they didn’t like Judaism, I hugged them and sent them on to the missionaries. Some were very grateful for that.”

About the Author
The author is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (DES - Diethylstilbestrol), born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a vegan for 8 years now. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach and lehavdiel bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, GLBTQAI, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quit a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500st blog post with the ToI. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. To see other blog posts by him, a second blog - under construction - can be found by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture.
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