‘There IS an end to these bad days’

Have you ever read something written by someone else thousands of years ago that perfectly captures how you are feeling right here, right now?

For so many Jews right now in Israel, this describes the experience of saying the prayer of Hallel this past year.

We are 15 months into this war, and I am amazed that the paragraphs of Hallel have not ceased to disappoint. Every single time we recite them, the experience is deep and real and raw. These are not just words. This is our life.

This morning, my heart was so full of emotion, I could feel it bursting inside my chest.

Hundreds of women were packed into the women’s beit midrash in Migdal Oz to sing Hallel together.

Hallel, the special prayer composed of Psalms 113-118, literally means “praise.” It is recited after morning prayers on Jewish holidays (and on Rosh Chodesh, the first day of each Jewish month) as a way of thanking God for the miracles He performed for us on those dates in history many years ago.

Growing up in America, I would say the words and try to imagine the Jewish people thanking God and singing to Him after crossing the Red Sea, receiving the Torah, or being protected by Clouds of Glory in the desert.

On Hanukkah, I would think about the Maccabees, the unexpected victory of the few over the many, the rededication of the Second Temple and the miraculous jug of oil which kept the menorah burning for eight whole days when it should have lasted for only one.

I was privileged to take part of some beautiful recitations of Hallel in my life, but never did I relate to and feel the words with my entire being the way that I have this past year living in Israel.

Rabbanit Esti Rosenberg, head of the beit midrash, addressed the crowd before we began. She shared that Hallel, although it is filled with praise, does not shy away from the real-life challenges of serious hardship and even true affliction.

She noted that so many of the verses that we say are repeated twice to perhaps give us an opportunity to focus on these different meanings when we say the verse.

“I thank You, for You answered me and became my salvation.”
We thank God because He has answered so many of our prayers since last Hanukkah, and He has indeed been our salvation. Haniyeh is gone. Nasrallah is gone. Sinwar is gone. Hamas, Hezbollah, Syria, and Iran have been seriously weakened. And yet we say the line again as we still wait for the hostages to return, this war to end and for there to be complete salvation. “I thank you, for You answered me and I hope You become my total salvation.”

“This emanated from God; it is wondrous in our eyes.”
Twice spared significant negative impact from large scale attacks from Iran, we have been the beneficiaries of such enormous miracles that feel like they can only have emanated from God. It is indeed wondrous in our eyes. And yet we know that the pain and suffering and devastating losses have also unfolded under God’s watch, leaving us wondering what He is looking for. “This emanated from God, it is wondrous in our eyes.”

“This is the day God has made; let us rejoice and be glad on it.”
There have been many days throughout this war where we felt that “this is the day God has made us joyous”. Our hearts naturally leapt, and sometime we could not contain ourselves from spontaneously saying full blessings. And yet, there have been other days, where our hearts were not in it but we were still required to say these words. At those moments, we pushed ourselves to recite these words as part of the national recollection and celebration of the holiday. “This is the day in history that God has made; let us rejoice and be glad on it.”

With this idea in mind, Rabbanit Esti shared that in tough times, it is natural to find it difficult to thank God. Perhaps this is why we begin the recitation of Hallel with a blessing where we state that God “commanded us to recite the Hallel.” We are commanded to look for and find points of gratitude, even when life in tough. When we do, we realize that there is much to be grateful for. Even when it takes effort to see it. Even when it’s not easy. Even when hostages are still suffering in Gaza. Even when so many have still not returned home. Even when so many precious souls have been lost. Even when so many brave soldiers have been injured.

Rachel Goldberg, a talented violinist who provided heartfelt musical accompaniment to the Hallel, shared with us a new song that her late husband, Avi, killed in Lebanon in October, composed to a couple of the verses, including the words: “I was brought, low but He saved me.”

Rachel related her husband’s approach that it is not enough to call out to God when we voluntarily feel the desire to connect. We also need to connect from a place of underlying commitment.

That is what gives us strength to continue in life and allow God to hold us when we fall. Rachel shared that Avi was her wings, and without him, her wings have been cut. She feels low, but is confident that with God’s help, new wings will sprout forth.

One room, hundreds of women.
One prayer, hundreds of different thoughts and feelings poured into its words.

One woman belts out thanks for her son who has returned from war safely. Another thinks about her wounded brother. One woman knows exactly what she is asking for. Another is confused about what is best. From one flow tears of pain. From another, tears of joy. One demands better from God. One is too overwhelmed to even mouth the words.

All gain strength from each other, and from the resilience of a nation in pain that still knows how to see the good, give gratitude and even genuinely sing and dance.

As we closed the morning, Odeleya Berlin, an incredible musician, led the crowd in the singing of the last paragraph of Maoz Tzur. “Chasof zeroa kadshecha.” We beg God “to reveal His holy arm, hasten the salvation and avenge His servant’s blood from the wicked nation.”

Have you ever sung something written by someone else years ago that perfectly captures how you are feeling, right here, right now?

But then Odeleya asked us to change the next line.

Instead of the traditional words, ״for the salvation is too long delayed for us, and there is no end to these bad days,” she asked us to sing: “For the salvation is too long delayed for us, and there IS an end to these bad days.”

The response was thunderous. !יש קץ לימי הרעה There IS an end to these bad days!

We have come so far from last Hanukkah.

Haniyeh is gone. Nasrallah is gone. Sinwar is gone. Hamas, Hezbollah, Syria and Iran have been seriously weakened. We have revealed our deep, inner strengths. With all the suffering we have endured and the pain we still feel, we have managed to hold on to gratitude. And we are deeply hopeful that next Hanukkah, we will be in an even better place.

The Jewish people are strong, and we are here to tell this tale.

This is the next chapter in Jewish history. The next verse to be written in Maoz Tzur.