Mort Laitner

There’s always one of us in every crowd

It’s really late at night and I’m surfing the net.

I’m looking for info on the U.S. insurrection, when I come across a picture of Aaron Mostofsky in TOI.

And what a picture it is!

The Mostofsky’s image causes me to start talking to myself.

There’s always one of us in every crowd.

Why should we be different?

And by “we” I mean, “The Jews.”

If you get 8,000 insurrectionists invading and rioting in the U.S. Capitol at least some of our brethren will be dressed up in funny costumes, stomping up the stairs and storming into its hallowed halls in an effort to seize control the government.

We all know that, “We have revolution in our blood.”

Yes, the President told Aaron Mostofsky and the rest of the mob to storm the Capitol.

Yes, he lied when he said, “I’ll  be marching with you.”

What a f’ing surprise!

Aaron, that’s a pretty crazy thing you did — not to mention illegal– even if it was done by presidential order.

But I know, our tribe has been blessed with more than its own fair share of meshuggahs.

For as a boy growing up in the small Catskill Mountain town of Woodridge, New York, I understood our town possessed its fair share.

Which leads me to wonder, “What percentage of our tribe do the meshuggahs make up?”

I’m going to do a deep dive into internet to see if any Ivy League college has a PhD thesis on percentage of American Jews that are crazy.”

Speaking about crazy, did you know Aaron Mostofsky is Orthodox?

Yup. And we all know how artistically creative the Orthodox are, don’t we?

They do have a sense for fashion.

But weren’t you astounded to see what Aaron was wearing: fur pelts on his head, as well as on his torso; a bulletproof vest; holding a staff of Moses in one hand and a riot shield in the other.

That photo blew me away.

It’s a riot.

I wonder if the Smithsonian has acquired Aaron’s pelts, vest, rod and riot shield for the exhibition on the insurrection.

I also ponder, “Was this Aaron’s Purim costume?”

I try to calculate how many Jewish children will dress up like Aaron next Purim.

I try to imagine entering Party City around Halloween and seeing a rack of Aaron Mostofsky costumes – sold under the label, “The Riotous Jew.”

Who knows. But at least, he’s not as outlandish as that “shaman guy” with the horned-fur hat, the hairy, bare chest and the war paint plastered across his face. His costume will sell like hot cakes.

Do you think that under those fur pelts, Aaron was wearing a tallis and were his tzitzyot hanging out of his shirt?

Who knows. But I bet you  that he was wrapped his grandma’s furs?

I remember playing with my grandma’s fox stole. It was pretty scary.

Yup, our Aaron is a real Yiddisheh Daniel Boone?

A hunter in the DC woods, looking to seal the fate of some liberal Democrats.

Then it hits me, when I was five, my parents bought me a Daniel Boone or was it a Davy Crockett  raccoon hat.

I loved it.

I wore it to bed.

Had Aaron’s parents planted the seeds of their child’s demise by buying him a coonskin cap?

If so, was that coonskin hat a gateway costume—-to the more revolutionary cosplay outfit he wore in the Capitol?”

I ask myself, “On Shabbat, does Aaron ever go to shul clothed in those pelts?”

I doubt it because he’d be laughed out of the temple.

I think, “Give the kid some credit, at least he had the brains to put on a bullet-proof vest.”

Then I examine another picture of Aaron—dressed in full regalia— resting on a marble bench.

I think, “That ain’t no mensch sitting on that Capitol bench.”

I love laughing at my own jokes.

“But he’s a schmuck, who’s outta luck.”

This time I only smile.

But will the Chinese manufacture, market and sell toy replicas, like GI Joes, of Aaron in full costume?

Will the Aaron toys shivers, when they see Ken wearing a “Camp Auschwitz” hoodie or Barbie in her 6MWE skimpy tee?

“Of course, the Aaron doll will shiver and of course, he will pray to Hashem for protection from his Neo-Nazi toy pals.

Then I read a post how our tough revolutionary Jew has been made the insurrection fall guy.

Well, when you live in the land of alternate facts, even a devout Orthodox Trumper, can be  easily turned into a poster boy for Antifa.

“Ya those Kluxers got their “Jewboy” to lynch —with his beard, curly hair, black-framed eye glasses, his Brooklyn address, his Democratic voting registration card, and his Jewish sounding name.

Hollywood couldn’t have cast a more perfect Jew in the lead role of mob-insurrection boss–General Mostofsky, standing right up front with his soldiers—barking orders at his troops on the front lines of the Capitol.

Sorry Aaron, you’re shit outta luck.

You’re going to jail.

You’re these redneck’s scapegoat. The man who stabbed them in the back and caused the revolution to fail.

And you ain’t getting a Presidential pardon.

Yup, there is a least one of us in every crowd.

And poor Aaron Mostofsky this time it’s you.

So Aaron when you’re sitting and weeping behind bars, in that cramped, smelly, 8×10 cell, try to remember how tough it is for an Orthodox Jew to hang out with a bunch of racist, anti-Semitic bastards and to bring down a democracy at the same time.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. ChatGPT says, Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience.
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