Tofes 867

I checked my school leaving certificate, yes, there were top marks in physics and maths, both pure and applied. I looked up at my degree certificate from a London university, that hangs on the wall in my study. It was unchanged since I last looked.

Perhaps I should have completed my Ph.D. cut short on June 6, 1967, when we thought that Israel was going to become a thing of the past.
But, all seems in order; I am ready to find my Tofes 867.

For those readers lucky enough to have avoided the attention of the Israel Tax Authority, Tofes 867 is a form, obtained from the bank, to tell the tax people that tax has been paid on my investments. It is not clear why the tax man, the recipient of my taxes, does not know that he has received my payment, but who am I to argue with the tax man. He clearly needs my help.

A visit to the bank does not advance me very much. I pause for a moment at the sign by the entrance – masked customers this way, masked bank robbers that way. After a long wait, I speak to a real person and am told to go home and look on their website. And what a sight this is. I try first in Hebrew then switch to English. But after wading through countless pages of useless information there is no sign of the elusive Tofes 867. Perhaps I should have tried in Chinese, they seem to be buying up all the banks.

I get hold of my good friend Google and am rewarded with pictures of the usual young ladies. They don’t seem to be wearing very much; it looks like the tax man has taken all he can get. I am sure that they would not need a Tofes 867.

I could, of course, ignore the taxman but from bitter experience know that they will just assume that my wealth puts Bill Gates to shame and will take huge amounts of tax that will take me years to get back. There is probably a Tofes for this, but I don’t have the number.

Readers who dislike my blogs are invited to complain. Just send your complaints on Tofes 867.